Parenting 101

Lesson 7: Dealing With Today's Tough Issues

Terrorism: September 11th And After

Terrorism is now a daily, in-your-face reality. There is no hiding from it or trying to pretend it doesn’t impact us. September 11th taught us the price we pay when we refuse to face reality.

Our children need to be part of the discussions about global terrorism. By being frank and open about the mechanics of terrorism, we take the bogeyman aspect out of the equation, and help make it human and understandable.

My boys were overwrought and had nightmares the first 2 days following September 11th. They didn’t want to go outside because they were afraid a plane might hit them or that Osama bin Ladin would get them. It was hard for me too. But intuitively I understood that giving in to that kind of fear would allow these monsters to win. So, gently and by example, I coaxed them out for a few minutes each day.

They also fought with each other. It was awful and I couldn’t figure out how to make it better. I finally asked them to explain to me why they were suddenly so vicious with each other. Justin told me they were practicing for when the terrorists came so they wouldn’t be afraid. That did it.

Even though I had tried explaining why this had happened, my guess is they were too upset to really listen. We all were. They were very angry little boys. Angry that this had happened, angry at the terrorists and scared. It has taken months of patient talking and repeating answers to their questions to really help them much.

Children need us to be frank and honest about the bad things that happen in the world. They need our validation of their feelings, and support for their fears. There is no school in this world that can do the job for us. Terrorism scars everyone. The events in Israel and Palestine affect our children now, as much as September 11th did. Listen to the children. As Cam said yesterday: “Mommy, why can’t we all just get along with each other?”

How were your children affected by September 11th?

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