Lesson 6: Building Anger Management Skills
Striking Out At Parents
All across this country, there are parents who have been injured or killed by their children. This is a very disturbing phenomenon. Boot camps have sprung up in almost every state to deal with angry, disruptive, assaultive children. It is too easy to assume these children came from abusive, neglectful homes. This is often not the case at all.
Many of these kids came from homes where there had never been a strong parental model. Instead, these people were “buddies” to their children. So, the children never saw them as parents. This removed the psychological taboo against hurting one's parent. Discipline and guidance are lacking until the child reaches 10 or older. Then, when “buddy” turns into the ogre from hell, the children lash out in rage and confusion.
These children generally ran their homes from a very early age, and began hitting their parents while still very small. When no consequences happened, they were granted permission to continue the behavior. In addition, if they have been given everything they wanted, when they are finally confronted with a refusal, they erupt.
A parent should never allow a child to strike them in any manner. Toddlers, while angry and tantruming, will often try. When this happens the parent needs to be very firm and remove them from the room, accompanied by a "You must never hit Mommy or Daddy."
If an older child, aged 6 and up, hits you, you need to punish him for the behavior, followed by a talk about why this is not permissible. Allowing this to continue can lead to increasingly assaultive incidences. This is why setting limits, goals, and boundaries is so critical to your child’s development.
