Lesson 6: Building Anger Management Skills
Handling Destructive Behaviors
How do you handle a destructive child who routinely breaks or destroys property both at home and elsewhere? Some of these children will certainly require professional guidance, but most are simply doing what they are allowed to do. If a child has been allowed to express anger by breaking things, and no one has ever intervened in a consistent way, he will continue the behavior until the law or someone else stops him.
If a child deliberately destroys an item of yours, the consequences need to be swift and severe. His favorite item needs to be taken away, forever. Quid pro quo. You destroy something of mine you lose yours, period the end. If someone else’s property has been damaged or destroyed, pay for it, then tell the child he will also pay. No new toys for as long as repayment takes.
A close friend of mine had just recently purchased new mattresses for her 3 boys. Two of the children destroyed theirs. When they were asked why by their parents, they said, “It’s ok, you’ll just buy us new ones”. After a long talk about what they had done, the damaged mattresses were removed and they were given sleeping bags for the floor. They will not be getting new mattresses until their parents are satisfied they’ve understood that destroying property will cost them.
Destructive children need to feel the consequences of what they have done. Trying to look for deep psychological reasons for their behavior is not helping them. 95% of the children I’ve seen who are destructive have no underlying disorder, but are simply spoiled rotten by ineffectual parents. Once they are confronted by firm, consistent consequences, they usually stop the behavior and begin to act like reasonable human beings.
Have you ever dealt with or encountered a destructive child? How did you feel and react?
