Lesson 5: Setting Goals
The Demanding Child
How do we change a very demanding child’s behavior? The process has to begin somewhere. Choose a time when you and your child are relaxed. Introduce the goal jar and its concept. Try and get him involved in decorating it and creating the goals. If he is resistant, tell him you will choose the goals and the reward yourself. You will need to be very firm and consistent, as this type of child will test you every step of the way.
Talk with your child about how we all are expected, as grown-ups, to earn our way through life. Ask him if he understands that money is needed to pay for lights, water, food, gas and other things. And that someone has to earn it. At no time should this talk be used as a punitive measure for negative behavior. All that will accomplish is to reduce your credibility, and create more resistance to the concept.
If the child continues to demand without trying to meet his goals, remind him there will be no rewards of any type until he does. This means no supermarket toys, no crayons, no gum, nothing that they can construe as you giving in. Once the child sees you are committed to the concept, he may begin to make his first attempts. At this point, the urge may be strong to give him a small reward. Don’t! Praise him, support him and encourage him.
If you have been consistent and firm, within 30 days, you should begin to see a positive change. Make certain his goals are neither too easy or too difficult for him to reach. You want the first attempt to be successful, so he will continue to grow into the concept. Keep to the reward agreed upon. Your child may try and manipulate you into something “bigger” because he deserves it. Give him a hug and suggest that the bigger reward be worked on for the coming month. This will give him an incentive to try even harder.
Do you have or know of a demanding child? How would you deal with him?
