Lesson 5: Setting Goals
The most frequently heard complaint I get at Childhood Resources concerns the demanding, petulant behavior of children. This lesson takes a hard look at the why's of this behavior and offers guidance on how to teach your children to set goals.
The Importance Of Setting Goals
Everyone needs a goal in life. In fact, we should all have lots of goals. This allows us to strive and achieve things we never thought possible. Our children need to have goals too. Depriving them of the opportunity hurts them badly.
So many parents give their children everything they want without expecting any effort on the child’s part. These kids get something new almost on a daily basis. And they grow bored with them just as quickly. Why? Why shouldn’t they? They did nothing to earn them, they come so often it’s almost too much for the child to absorb, and there is no relevance to what they get. On top of all this, there is a subtle hidden message they receive from the parent: Mommy doesn’t receive gifts everyday, so therefore, I’m more valuable than she is. Once this message begins to sink in, all kinds of negative behaviors pop up.
Giving should have meaning: a birthday, Christmas, extra good behavior, something so the child begins to associate receiving with meaning. Indiscriminate buying for your child sets up expectations you may not always be able to meet. What happens then? It also robs them of any real joy or anticipation on birthdays or holidays. For if they get everything they want on a regular basis, what do they have to look forward to?
Giving your child set goals to work towards gives him a sense of purpose and anticipation. What he has to earn, he’ll learn to value, because he worked for it. Sit down with your family and work out some family goals, both short and long range: buying a car or a new home, paying off an outstanding bill, or taking a family trip. Ask for everyone’s cooperation in reaching this goal. If sacrifices will be involved, be very clear about what they will be.
Set up a family goal jar. Each time a bill is paid or a concrete step is taken toward a long range goal, place it in the jar. Make progress reports on how things are coming along. When the goal is reached, the family should celebrate it in some special way.
Children should have their own chart or jar. Every time they accomplish a targeted chore or goal, a slip is added. When the jar is full, a reward, agreed upon at the start, is given.
Letting a child grow up without the concept of earning or goal setting is detrimental to their character. It is also unfair to wait until a child reaches 16, then suddenly announce they need to start earning their way. After years of indiscriminate giving, it is hard to see how any reasonable adult can expect a child to understand what you are talking about.
Start setting goals and expectations early for your child. Love them, protect them, but allow them the freedom to grow.
Exercise: Create goals for your family. Ask everyone to help and stress how important meeting the goal is.
