Parenting 101

Lesson 4: Character Development

The Value Of Good Manners

Good manners are seen so seldom today that people are astonished when they see them displayed, particularly from children. Being a well-mannered person means much more than saying please and thank you.

It means being sensitive enough to know when or when not to intrude on someone. It involves really listening to another person’s point of view, even if you disagree with it. This intuitive sensitivity is the true essence of the well-mannered individual.

Helping our children develop good manners takes time, patience and consistency. One of the most important lessons is not to interrupt someone, until they are finished speaking. One way to help your child with this is to pay attention when they are talking with you. If the child knows his parent will give him his undivided attention, when he has something to say, he will be much less likely to interrupt your conversations. Children are naturally curious about anyone who looks different in some way from them. They will point or ask loudly about why that person is the way he is. Parents need to help their children understand that this type of behavior is hurtful to others. Ask them how they would feel if people pointed or stared at them. This will increase their sensitivity towards others, by forcing them to feel what others do. It is important to answer a child’s questions about the differences they see in a frank and open manner.

Receiving gifts is another area where good manners are of immense value. We have all been the recipient of a disappointing or unwanted gift. Teach your child to say "thank you" without visible signs of disappointment. I have worked with parents whose children, when disappointed with a gift, would throw it down, scream or cry. This is appalling behavior that should never have been allowed. After working with the children, by explaining disappointment is perfectly normal, I would ask them to imagine all the trouble the gift giver put into buying them a gift. Then, I would have them try to imagine how they would feel if someone did that to them. By having them go through this, and by stressing the thought behind the gift, they soon began to see things in a different light.

The value in all this is: a well-mannered child is a comfortable child to be around. People enjoy thoughtful considerate children. This is a goal we all need to work towards. One of a parent’s proudest moments comes when someone tells them how much they enjoyed their child’s company.

Do you feel manners are relevant to the way you live?

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