Parenting 101

Lesson 4: Character Development

Building Trust

Trusting one another is an integral part of any healthy relationship. Children need to be able to trust us, and we need to be able to trust them. Many parents are deeply hurt when their child betrays a trust. It often happens because a child was never asked to prove they could be trusted in the first place.

Building a trusting relationship with children doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. Starting with small steps in early childhood, a foundation of trustworthy behaviors is laid. An example would be leaving a child in a room, asking him to continue what he was doing, and finding him there when you return. Or leaving some sort of treat out and asking the child not to touch them. There are many different ways to begin the process. It is not always easy. Some children have enormous difficulty with being trustworthy. For them, "out of sight, out of mind" is the operative principle.

In my home, one of the boys is extremely trustworthy, while the other is definitely not. Trying to “catch” this child showing any signs he can be trusted has become an ongoing struggle for me. Overpraising the trustworthy child leads to resentment, so I’ve used a reward system for any signs of improvement. If he leaves snacks and treats alone, he gets an extra helping as a reward.

We also use character coupons to build self esteem in learning this behavior. They can redeem these coupons monthly for a treat of some sort. It’s a positive tool for any parent to use. The children can watch their jars fill up with signs of their positive behaviors. I will be providing you with some printable coupons you can download, print out and use in your home.

Exercise: Sit down with your child and decide which traits need working on, and what the reward will be.

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