Parenting 101

Lesson 1: The Parental Role

Family Communication

Children learn how to talk to each other from their parents. How we talk together as a family shows them many things, including how to communicate anger, love, dislike and much, much more. If Dad or Mom comes home from the office, grousing about "So and So is a no good SOB," kids quickly pick up the message. When Mom makes spiteful or unkind remarks about a mother-in-law, neighbor or friend, they learn it’s ok to behave this way.

Our children grow up to be exactly what we expect them to be. If they are raised in a cold, uncommunicative home, most likely they in turn will be the same as adults. Selfish adults raise selfish children. In homes where communicating is done with shouting and slamming doors, the children grow up thinking this is “normal” behavior.

I grew up in a home where a sarcastic, cutting wit was present and accounted for. This type of communicating was subtly encouraged by my parents. As a result, I had a miserable time growing into adulthood when I discovered very few people felt comfortable with my behavior.

When a relationship or marriage is undergoing stress, it has an enormous impact on our children. Many of us think our kids won’t notice as long as we maintain a civil front. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We are the whole focus of their world. Their only source of stability and security. When things are wrong, they know it. It is so much better to say something like: “Look, Mommy and Daddy are very tired and tense right now, but we are working together to try and solve this. We love you, and each other.” This takes the fear and uncertainty out of your behavior, and puts it on an understandable level for them. Remember, it is silence, when things go wrong, that causes such fear in our children.

Exercise: Think about how you communicate with others in front of your children. How can you change it for the better?

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