Timing

When you say what you say. That’s what meant by timing. There are just some instances when it’s better to speak than others. And, if you say something at an inappropriate time, you may not get the response you want, not matter how important or true your words may be.

Take, for instance, doing business in countries where building a relationship based on trust is the prerequisite to forging a strong business relationship. It is inappropriate in such countries to discuss business during a meal. In fact a meal may be had without uttering one word about business and afterwards you may find that you have made a deal simply based on the fact that you are liked and it is thought that you can be trusted.

In other countries, it may be appropriate to discuss general business issues during a meal, but deals are not made outside of the office.

Conversely, in America, entire deals can be made during the course of a meal.

Pace

The speed at which you speak can influence how well you are understood. Slow, deliberate speech gives people time to fully comprehend your message, especially if it is long. Speaking slowly is also a good idea if you are speaking in your mother tongue to foreign listeners. This gives them time to process your words. As you speak, they may be struggling to understand the words and at the same time making a quick translation in their heads. I used to listen to French all the time like this. Now, I usually hear the words for themselves and am able to understand faster speakers.

Body Language

Body language is probably one of the strongest forms of non-verbal communication. Whole conversations can be held between speakers of different languages based on body language alone.

I often used body language to communicate with my students when I taught English in West Africa. Many of the other teachers would say something in English and then translate it to the student’s native language after being met by a sea of blank expressions. However, I was not proficient in their language, so I had to use other means to convey my message. My students learned to communicate with me outside of class in much the same way.

One day, I was met by a group of students on my way to school. It turns out that the father of one of their classmates had just died and they wanted to let me know. They knew the word “father”, but not the word “dead” so after saying, “Our classmate’s father is” they put their hands together and rested their heads on them, as if they were sleeping. In this way, they were able to deliver their sad message.

But using body language as a form of communication goes far beyond conscious motions. There are times when you may be sending a very loud message quite unconsciously. I know a person who is seldom approached by beggars, and if she is they may ask her for something once, and then leave her alone. She usually doesn’t have to say a word. There’s something about her body language that lets them know that they’ll have no luck with her no matter how hard they try. Her sister, on the other hand, is a beggar magnet. Not only do they almost always approach her, they continue to harass her even after she says, “No.”

When using forms of body language, it is good to know what is acceptable in your host country. For example, the “ok” symbol made with the thumb and forefinger is considered to be quite offensive in Argentina.

Eye Contact

What is your opinion of people who avoid making eye contact when they speak? Would you want to do business with such a person? If someone is making eye contact as he speaks and then diverts his eyes at some point in the conversation, how do you perceive what he is saying at that moment?

People form opinions about a person based on the amount of eye contact he makes while talking. Americans consider shifty eyed people to be untrustworthy. Therefore, they are very unlikely to put much credence in anything these people have to say.

Tone

The tone someone uses when they speak can let you know if they are happy, sad, excited, or disappointed, regardless of the words they may be uttering at the same time. A person’s tone of voice is so important that it is the basis of their communications with dogs. You can be calling your pet dog Fido the nastiest of names, but if you say it sweetly, he’ll never know.

Differences in tone can also indicate differences in the meaning of a word. When the French use the word “merci” it can mean “thank you” or “no thank you.” How can you tell the difference? You have to listen to the person’s tone of voice. A rise with the “ci” means “thank you.” A drop means “no thank you.” Sometimes you’re lucky and a “non” accompanies the word “merci” but even then there is the same drop in the last syllable.

General Appearance

Your general appearance can greatly influence how well you communicate your message. General appearance can include attire, gender, and disabilities. Whether it is admitted or not, in almost all countries, women still struggle to be heard. Words spoken by a man can be applauded when the same words spoken by a woman may have been brushed off just minutes before.

Studies have shown that a person’s attire can effect his ability to get what he wants. In some countries, the most important part of your dress is your shoes, the quality of which can greatly influence a person’s perception of you. When IBM first implemented Friday dress down days, suits were still required if you had contact with customers.

Social Position/Religious Convictions

Sometimes it is just assumed that a person in a particular social class is more intelligent and trustworthy and is therefore listened to more than people in another social class. And sometimes it is true that a peron’s social position may also give him the training and tools to be a better communicator in general.

Sometimes a person can be placed in a particular social position due to his religious beliefs. And, at times a person may not be listened to simply because of their religious convictions. Think of the number of conflicts that have occurred throughout history in which one religious group has fought against another. It can even be impossible to get these people in the same room and simply have a normal conversation. They simply refuse to listen to each other.

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