Women and the Internet -- What are your experiences

» Julie - (Posted by Julie for Carol) I'm like Gay. I didn't even want

(Posted by Julie for Carol)

I'm like Gay. I didn't even want a computer in the house. When my husband
brought it home anyway, I used to keep it draped in a huge piece of antique
lace. It clashed with the decor otherwise.

I came to the internet because my doctor, who has a sense of humor,
prescribed a modem as a way to alleviate job stress. He thought I should log
on and find some games to play. Instead I found the gardening newsgroup and
a gardens mailing list. This was sheer heaven for me. I could ask questions
to my heart's content, and if I had a problem I often received an answer
inside of an hour! And the net is where I discovered how eager gardeners
are to share -- suddenly I was getting envelopes full of seed and boxes full
of plants from people I'd never even met!

I'm actually a very shy person -- my husband will tell you that I'm as good
as a hermit. But I've always had more faith in my ability to write thanin my
ability to converse face to face with most people. So finding a whole
community of people who had common interests with me was really something!
Suddenly I felt like I had friends all over the world, and endless things to
say.

Of course, I'd never met them face to face, and my husband kept warning me
that people can hide behind their computers and may not be what I think. He
may be right about some people, but not about gardeners. I actually got on
a plane about 4 years ago and flew all the way to California to spend a week
with a person I had never seen -- and we never stopped talking the whole
week I was there. The same thing happened with Marge Talt, our shade garden
editor. I had exchanged a few notes with her online, mainly because she and
I were the only two members of the garden list who always seemed to be
posting at 3 a.m. And right after this correspondence began I found that I
had to go to Washingtonn, D.C. for a convention -- and Marge lives nearby.
She showed up at my hotel, whisked me away to her house and we gabbed til we
were both hoarse. I returned from the convention (a student newspaper
convention) with two college seniors, our luggage and a gigantic box of
plants all packed in one tiny car. And Marge and I have been friends ever
since. That's a few years now!

So one important discovery that I made via the net was that I could in fact
make friends and have great face to face encounters with people as long as
we had something in common. I guess I don't have much in common with the
folks in my own neighborhood -- but it's mostly blue collar. To them the
idea that I'm female and a Ph.D, is terrifying, and it's not me, but they
who clam up because while I'd as soon discuss housecleaning tips as
academics, they spend most of their time apologizing for their lack of
education even if I let my grammar go to hell and try to change the subject.
Of course they think I dress funny too ;-) You can't tell on the net.

And yet the net has improved my wardrobe! I found the ebay auction, and have
been stocking up on cashmere at bargain prices, and in December got (get
this!) 9 pairs of genuine Gucci loafers for $135 total. I've found it
easier to find things that fit my style online, so I am becoming more and
more "myself" both inwardly and outwardly.

The bad news? I spend a lot more time sitting, so I seem to be ordering
larger sizes. ;-)

And my husband swears he is a computer widower. But he seems to say it with
some degree of good humor. He's fascinated with what I'm doing on Suite 101,
and amazed that I have managed to turn out my weekly column without fail for
over a year. He remembers well when I applied, because I told him I had no
clue if I even knew enought o do a month of columns, but that the need to
meet a deadline would force me to start thinking like a writer again --
something I'd forgotten how to do. And it certainly did!!

Not just thinking like a writer. Two of the friends I've made through Suite
101 are people who make their living writing, who have been most generous
and helpful in sharing their experiences with me. Funny thing is that one is
a professor at the University of Iowa, and taught in the building right next
to the one where I spent three years getting my doctorate. I never met him
in Iowa, but had to move to PA and start writing for a Canadian company to
get to know him.

I think managing my Garden section has been the Internet phenomenon that has
changed me the most. I have never tried to manage anything before. I always
preferred to sit back and be managed (and complain about it a lot) or just
do my own thing. I had no clue that I could manage anything. I am
always amazed that I have all these editors, that they meet their deadlines
and work hard and are fun to work with. My husband teaches management, and
wants me to write down my methods -- but I'm not sure I have methods. Just
luck. But it has done wonders for my self-confidence.

So, in a sense, I've discovered a new self since I first logged on, made
friends with someone besides my husband, now have places to stop and visit
when we travel, and have a new hobby that is a lot cheaper than the grocery
bags full of books I used to devour every month.

I hope this is what you were looking for. Probably twice as much as you
wanted. ;-)

Carol

-- posted by Julie

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» Maryel - The internet has become my gateway to the world. There is the o

The internet has become my gateway to the world.
There is the obvious pool of information available on almost every subject, the entertainment value, games, the chat, the ability to interact with tv shows, radio shows, celebrities, those who are on the world's stage. But, the internet is much, much more

The internet does not discriminate, I can be black or white, young or old, male or female. The anonymity takes away any discrimination. I can be free to be who I am and say what I believe.

The net gives me the opportunity to meet people in all walks of life, from around this planet, people I would never have met, exchanged ideas with or gotten to know. It gives me the opportunity to expand my horizon, to learn new and exciting things.

Being interested in genealogy, I have not only met many wonderful people, who go out of their way to help me in my quest, but I have found some relatives, previously unknown to me, some as close as 3rd cousins, some much farther removed, but blood. It has been like a series of joyous reunions each time I find someone new. It makes us instant friends.

E-mail has brought the world to my doorstep. Because it is so easy and fast, I now keep in constant touch with friends and relatives, that before I would write or phone only sporadically. It has brought us closer. It is also fun sharing new sites, being able to send a beautiful animated card, a virtual bouquet or a postcard from space to those I care about.

As a writer being a part the internet, has been a great help. Writing a bi weekly column, for suite 101, has been a good experience for me, as it gives me the discipline to sit down and write, to meet a deadline, to put aside all the excuses I had previously used to avoid that blank page. It also provides a place where many people can read what I have written, and gives me feedback on same. As a result, my writing output in other subjects and genres has also increased. ( and probably improved)

Suite 101, also makes gives me as sense of being part of a real community. The other members and editors have made me feel as if I belong.

Mary Ellen Bradshaw

maryel@pro.net

Suite 101 contributing editor: Virtual Journeys

-- posted by Maryel

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» Julie - (Posted by Julie for Bonny) Julie, Thanks so much for the

(Posted by Julie for Bonny)

Julie,

Thanks so much for the e-mail requesting my input! I would be glad to
share my experiences on the net, from a woman's perspective.

Well, for starters, I met my husband on the net. He was a moderator for a
chat service that a friend introduced me to, and he was the person who
authorized my usage. However, I thought that he was 50+ years my senior
(Isn't it amazing how we "create" a personality for the people that we
"speak to" on the net?) and so I stayed away from him. Then, we met in
person at a barbeque, and I did a triple take.... how could HE be Palol?
He's too young! And things progressed from there. Almost three years
later, we have a beautiful 4 month old daughter, Danielle, and a
wonderful relationship. We still, to this day, communicate through e-mail
and voice mail for our "secret" messages.

The web has truly increased the quality of my relationships. My sister
and I had not kept in touch after I left for university, and after I
returned, there was a chasm between us. It was difficult for us to
communicate, so we didn't. Then, several years later, her birthday
passed, and I thought of her. I searched for her on 411 - and there she
was! It was so much easier than trying to talk face to face - and it
slowly brought us back together. Now we talk almost daily (to the benefit
of my daughter, of course!)

If anything, the Net has improved my relationship with women. When I was
pregnant, I knew of no one else who was where I lived. Parents Place.com
was my saving grace. Every flutter, every ultrasound, every fight with my
doctor was described in detail to complete strangers who were empathetic
towards my "plight of the day", as they had either just gone through it,
were going through it, or were scared that they were next. As I went into
labour, I shared with the others my terror, my guilt and my fear. It was
wonderful! And now that the baby's here, I can ask other parents,
pediatricians, lactaction consultants on line about "But her poop is
purple!?! Is that normal??" and no one can see me blush.

Hopefully, this was the kind of input that you are looking for. If I can
be of any other help, let me know!

(And be sure to let me know how the presentation went!)

-Bonny

-- posted by Julie

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» Julie - (Posted by Julie for Diana) Julie: Writing for SUITE101 is

(Posted by Julie for Diana)

Julie:

Writing for SUITE101 is very important to me for many reasons. It gives me
an opportunity to meet a need on the www for information specifically geared
to elderly/disabled gardeners--I get emails every week now from people who
have found either my homepage or my weekly column and are excited to have
such a resource.

I've had the desire to be a garden writer for many years but had no way to
break into print. SUITE101 opened the opportunity and Carol took this very
academic style writer (called graduate school) and turned me into a
columnist. Since no one has been willing to hire me because of multiple
disabilities, this weekly column has been important to my own self esteem
and given me the courage to complete some horticulture coursework and start
dreaming big dreams again. Just last evening, upon hearing about my column,
a instructor has challenged me to begin researching the garden history for
this century with the possibility of writing a book about the famous
designers, plant themes, etc. I also have a manuscript close to being ready
for self-publication on Bible Plants for Northern Gardens. Who knows, the
internet may be directly responsible for a future book! Now, I just have to
find a regular type job to support my writing habit--you've heard about
starving artists? If it weren't for worker's compensation due to carpal
tunnel, I'd be a starving writer. I am hoping that having SUITE101 on my
resume will convince a local florist shop to hire me even if I wind up in a
wheelchair.

Diana

-- posted by Julie

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» Cottage_Garden - Julie, this is such a great question. Of course it has changed

Julie, this is such a great question. Of course it has changed our lives. I hope it will prove in time to be the great equalizer, and in fact become "invisible" in our lives as the lady of Marimba fame said.

To bring it down to a personal level, in direct gains I see it has lowered my long-distance telephone and even local-long-distance telephone bills substantially. In direct costs I am now paying connection charges instead.

We live in a rural and not terribly prosperous county. Although we are within driving distance of several cities, we are far enough away to qualify as tourists when we visit them. That is, in real-life terms, we live in farm country and the local library is limited.

In virtual terms, the world is at my keyboard if I can just find my way there. Places like Suite 101 are invaluable to me. In the gardening world I know enough to fend for myself (I am a surfing machine! as a co editor once called me) and can share that with others, but in some subject areas I seek out and welcome the friendly assistance and guidance I receive here. Topics suitable for children is a perfect example: why spend my day surfing for that when I have people I know and trust here who will do it for me? I hope they feel the same about asking me for gardening stuff.

Virtual reality has changed my life in more ways than I can count. I have "found" more hours in the day so I can surf, write and correspond more.

Clients complained they couldn't get through on the phone so we installed another line. Relatives and old friends and long-lost classmates, coworkers, loyal print readers and clients have all connected or reconnected because of it. Other mothers of small children here in the same little bitty town email late at night to reconfirm carpools and play dates. My dad sends his favorite link finds. My sister zaps out a note late at night after her children are in bed. I finish up my research at two in the morning, or email a joke to my husband. And if the answering machine is on the blink, folks email me -- they know they'll get an answer back soon.

Incidentally, my husband also guides folks to the internet, although he is better paid than I. Our daughter has her own web site. She thinks nothing of emailing her grandparents or cruising through her bookmarks. It is on a par with using the telephone or microwave oven, or watching a video.

All this was unthinkable until local access arrived in our town about two years ago. Now we are ready to either move or rewire our house.

Hope this helps!

Barbara

Barbara Martin
Eco-Gardens Editor

-- posted by Cottage_Garden

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» Linda - Julie, It's exciting just reading all these responses. You'l

Julie,

It's exciting just reading all these responses. You'll have a lot of good information for your presentation.

I started playing with the internet about 1 year ago. I, who had always worked, had decided to stay home when we adopted our son 3 years ago. I felt cut-off as there were no stay home mothers in my neighborhood. I was cut off from talking to my coworkers and students that I was used to talking with in the halls, classroom, and teachers' lounge. I needed adults to talk to, but didn't really have an easy way to access them during the day. I spent my time playing with my son, reading books, gardening, and taking care of our home, but I needed more than that.

It just so happened that the company my husband worked for, at that time, allowed employee/spouse access to the internet and also would set up an email account for me for free. I couldn't go wrong. So I started poking around on the net. I was looking into "gardening with children" for ideas for use with my son and for presentations for garden clubs as I was considering becoming a master gardener and speaker. Soon I found a great gardening forum and realized that it was possible to be part of a community on the web. Many of these people at the forum became close friends (I've even sent baby gifts, wedding presents, birthday gifts, etc). They were always available and I had adults to talk with about my favorite subject. Soon we were wanting to find ways to show our gardens to each other and the webmaster suggested getting homepages set up. I took on the challenge and within my first 3-4 months on the web, I had a homepage up and running and was reading HTML manuals as bed-time reading. My husband, a computer nerd, brags about this wife knowing a computer language that he doesn't know yet and the fact that I've checked out every HTML and web page manual the county library system has (quite a few they have, too).

With my homepage, I found myself writing more and more about gardening with kids and people were actually reading it and enjoying the information. I had never thought of myself as a writer, so this was surprising to me. It was even more surprising to be asked to write a column here.

One thing I've really enjoyed about the internet is that I "talk" to people from many other countries nearly everday. People like Gay, who I would never have met because we live on opposite sides of the world, a father in New Zealand looking for information, a housewife in Great Britian, and a french journalist who was excited about gardening with kids and wanted some help with appropriate plants and links, etc. I've made friends with people who live a few miles from my home that I would never have met, but now we have and are friends (and we trade seeds and plants which is exciting too). It has easily filled my life with adult contact and socialization. The hard part is putting down the keyboard and doing the mudane household stuff. I've also cut way back on my book reading. I'm always reading on the web. Unfortuantely, it hasn't cut back the number of books I check out from the library. I'm just choosier about what I read and scan and speed read more than I used to. I'
m going to have some competition for computer time soon now as I am going to help my son (7 yrs old) make a home page about his garden. We've also found a kid's forum that I feel comfortable having him participate in. There goes any day time hours I've been able to log on. Now it will be late at night!

Linda Mazar, Kid's Garden

-- posted by Linda

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» Karen - I have had nothing but positive experiences on the Net. I write

I have had nothing but positive experiences on the Net. I write the monthly article on Jet Skiing. I get questions from all over the world about all aspects of jet skiing - yes, even very technical questions (which I am able to answer!). I think the Net enables people to forget about gender, race and nationalities and gives everyone an even playing field. It seems that everyone on the Net IS 'created equal.'

I have enjoyed 'talking' with people from all over the world about subjects of mutual interest. It has been one of the best 'people' experiences that I have had. It HAS opened up the world to me.

Also, it has helped me to get in touch and STAY in touch with a lot of people that I had lost track of. I think it is much easier for people to write a quick note via e:\mail than it is to put pen to paper. I 'talk' to my father every day! It is wonderful!

Karen Patton
Jet Skiing

-- posted by Karen

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» PaulaD_3 - To me, the Internet has been a natural extension of some of my p

To me, the Internet has been a natural extension of some of my past activities. I was trained in online searching as a graduate student in library school in the mid-1970's. At that time, the National Library of Medicine's database, MEDLINE, was just getting started.

In the 1980's, as an information specialist, I did online searches for clients, wrote articles about the online industry and online searching, and taught an adult education course introducing people to online searching. I switched to writing as a career in the late 1980's , but continued to do occasional online searches.

When I began to use the Internet in 1996, I was immediately hooked. I use it for everything-from airline reservations to medical facts to joining a mailing list about dogs. It's also a nice way to communicate with my 28-year-old daughter who lives in another state.

Writing about search engines for Suite 101 gives me the satisfaction of combining writing with helping people get the full benefit of this amazing phenomenon. It also takes up more time than it should, partly because I can't resist some extraneous surfing of sites I find while testing search engines.

I think information and services on the Internet will become more specialized in years to come. Some companies will begin to charge for what is now free, but others will offer more free information in an effort to attract potential customers.

Paula Dragutsky,
Search and Metasearch Engines Editor

-- posted by PaulaD_3

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» Karen_Largent - Being diagnosed last year with a chronic disabling illness has c

Being diagnosed last year with a chronic disabling illness has changed my life forever. Without the Internet, I would have no contact with the everyday, outside world. I receive emotional support via on-line chat groups, e-mail and moderated forums. I can keep track of the latest research into my illness and even order the latest books about it via my computer. The Internet keeps me sane, entertained and a lot less lonely. It gives me purpose in life, since I can no longer work as a nurse, I still keep in touch with medicine by writing my monthly columns. I have met wonderful, caring people via the Internet and my life is all the better for it.

Karen Largent

Contributing Editor:Alzheimer's

-- posted by Karen_Largent

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» Carol Wallace - I just thought of something amusing. One of my male editors went

I just thought of something amusing. One of my male editors went out of his way to let me know that he really didn't mind "working for" a woman -- just enough that I took it in the sense that you hear people say "some of my best friends are Jewish" or something. In other words, as a class we are suspect, but perhaps as individuals we might be ok. And, as it so happens, we have gotten along famously. Carol virtually gardening

-- posted by Carol Wallace

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