Women and the Internet -- What are your experiences

» Lynn - Julie, Well Julie, I feel like the inter-net actually saved m

Julie,

Well Julie, I feel like the inter-net actually saved my life! Perhaps I should say, it saved my life as I know it.
Let me explain.
Last May my back was injured and I was in terrible pain. After a few doctors and finally an an MRI in Sept. I discovered the cause. Three herniated discs. I was sent to the best neurosurgeon in my area who had very impressive credentials.

He told me my ONLY option was to have spinal fushion and a "cage" of metal implanted in the spine. He added that I would never run again and that I would lose a lot of mobility. He could not guarantee the pain would be gone.

Well, as a runner that was not what I needed to hear. (And for those of you who are wondering, NO, running did not cause the injury! In fact it had strenghtened my back)

The pain was unbearable...something had to be done. Also, without surgery nerve damage would occur.

I used the internet to investigate a number of options. Once I located a different procedure that was superior to the operation offered to me here, one much less invasive that required no hardware, I was then able to investigate who would be the best surgeon. I gained valuable knowledge and was able to check out various surgeons through the AMA. After weeks of research, I had my doctor, and new procedure that required a tiny incision to repair the discs...I also had the assurance that I could run again.

In Nov I flew from Pa to Ca for the procedure. I was home within a few days. I am now able to run again and am planning my first marathon.

Without the internet, none of this would have been possible.
So you see, the internet has changed my life... dramatically!

-- posted by Lynn

Permalink Print Discussion

» Julie - Thank you all! I really appreciate the response. It is interesti

Thank you all! I really appreciate the response. It is interesting to see the common threads or themes that keep coming up in the different experiences -- equality and lack of traditional prejudices, information/education, communication and interaction with like-minded others seem to be a consistent points.

Below I have posted some of the e-mails I received (with permission).

Cheers!

Julie

--

Julie Bradshaw

Managing Director -- Real World Relationships

i5ive communications inc.

-- posted by Julie

Permalink Print Discussion

» Julie - (Posted by Julie for Judy) Hi Julie, Wow, that's a tall or

(Posted by Julie for Judy)

Hi Julie,

Wow, that's a tall order!

I have really enjoyed being on the net and having a web page. It has
actually been a life saver to me because I have been a caregiver in one
capacity or another to all 4 of our elderly parents and to an elderly cousin
who passed away last year for the past 2 years. My parents and then just my
father lived with me and he has Alzheimer's. My mother had a stroke and she
had to go into a care home and my dad continues to live with us for 7 mos.
until he had a stroke. My inlaws are also in bad shape and had to go into a
care home only 3 mos after my mother. I was stuck staying at home with my
father as he couldn't be left alone. Even after they all went in homes, it
was so stressful seeing the condition they were in that the computer/web was
my escape. It keeps my mind off their problems for at least part of each
day. And I have gotten some information and support for caregivers and
about Alzheimer's, strokes, etc., online. I think that since women tend to
be the caregivers and since the elderly are living longer and longer that
the Internet can be a source of information and resources. I have not spent
a great deal of time looking because it generally makes me even more
depressed. I try to concentrate on fun things as much as possible, but I
know that if I need information it's out there.

On a happier note, I enjoy hearing from folks with similar interests all
over the world and sharing recipes. I also can now communicate with several
old friends and relatives on a regular basis since they have gotten online.

Judy

--

Julie Bradshaw

Managing Director -- Real World Relationships

i5ive communications inc.

-- posted by Julie

Permalink Print Discussion

» Julie - (Posted by Julie for Marci) Hi Julie, Yes, I do have a sto

(Posted by Julie for Marci)

Hi Julie,

Yes, I do have a story to tell you.

You have probably heard it before, but I met my husband through the
Internet. At the time, he lived in Victoria, BC and I lived in Orlando,
FL. I moved to Victoria about 7 months ago. For me, it was an
interesting experience. Before my husband Jon, I talked to different
guys on the computer, even met a couple. But, nothing serious evolved
from it. I had a bad experience once. I had a friend that was married.
We were just friends, nothing more. After a few months he started
getting jealous and began starting problems for me while I was chatting.
Jon and I met on a chat site. He just happened to go to home page and
from there he started E-mailing me. Grant it, when I first received his
LONG E-mails I thought to myself, "Why is this guy mailing me?" In
fact, I thought it was a little annoying at first. (You aren't going to
print that are you? ) But then I E-mailed back and we kept meeting on
the chat sites. Chatting turned into phone calls, phone calls turned
into plane tickets. We were aprt for a year, but now we are together,
married.

As for the future with Women and the net, I think young girls have to be
very careful. I witnessed older men picking up on 14 year old girls.
Parents should be aware of where their children go. I know it's
difficult to monitor, but something has to be done. Parents should talk
to their children about the Internet. The Internet is a wondeful place,
but it can also be very dangerous. You don't REALLY know who you are
talking to. I talked to Jon for awhile, but everything he told me could
have been a lie. You just don't know. So, it's very important to be
cautious about the net. Everyone can look rosey on the computer. After
all, you just see words. Sure, you can see photos of people, but who's
to say they are for real?

There's more I could say, but I don't want to bore you too much. If you
need more, don't hesitate to let me know. I'm only an E-mail away. If
there is something specific you'd like to know, please ask.

Hope this has helped....
Marci

---------------

Part 11

...You can also add that it isn't something you look for. A
lot of yound girls and guys go on the net looking for a romance. I
honestly believe that more romances don't work out then do work out. I
have heard so many horror stories. But Jon and I just lucked out. It
took awhile to come to decision on meeting and getting married. We
chatted every night for 5-8 hours a night, talked on the phone 4-6 hours
a day, and visited often.

Two of my friends went through awful experiences. One friend went to
Florida to visit "her guy" and he ended up not likeing her because she
was over weight. They talked about marriage and everything. My other
friend went through a similiar situation except that they never met.
She finally told him her weight and he changed attitudes real quick. I
think that's just terrible because if you really love someone, weight
shouldn't matter.

Marci

--

Julie Bradshaw

Managing Director -- Real World Relationships

i5ive communications inc.

-- posted by Julie

Permalink Print Discussion

» Jessica_Williams - 1. How did you get involved with the Internet? Lets see... m

1. How did you get involved with the Internet?

Lets see... my dad sent me an old laptop and I rushed right out and bought a modem. I had only seen the Internet once before, so I had no idea what to expect.

2. Personal experiences while on the Net.

I feel like I have done it all. I got into HTML the first year I was online, and I became addicted. I loved the feedback I got from my site, so I kept writing HTML. when I got pregnant with my second child, I searched for on-line communities of parents. I found a few great sites and participated in bulletin boards and chats. I eventually became a chat host for Parents Place on the subjects of breastfeeding and birth control. In my quest to become a better host, I did a lot of research and even wrote a Website about birth control. I started incorperating my passion for writing into my websites, and then moved to writing for e-zines after that. Now I write for national magazines and do about 90% of my research and marketing on the Web. Who would have thought I would depend so much on the Internet for work?

3. Why do you use the Net - to keep in touch with friends, to socialize, to find information. If you take on-line courses for example what sort of courses.

I mainly use the Net for research, but I do a lot of interviews for articles and marketing as well. I stay in touch with family and friends, and like to network with other writers and parents.

4. How much time do you spend on the Net

I spend at least three hours a day online. Sometimes much more, but it is broken up throughout the day and night (I have two kids at home).

5. The Good and the Bad - your thoughts

I don't like the enormous amount of sexual content on the Net. I am completely opposed of regulating the Intenet, but it would be nice to be able to search for something on breastfeeding and not turn up so much vulgar phrases regarding breasts. On the good side, I love that I can research almost anything and that my interviews are gathered from a huge variety of people from all over the world.

6. The future of the Net

I think online communities are the future. People like to feel like they are part of something bigger, and online communities provide that sense of companionship among people with similiar interests.

7. The part Women play on the Net

I can't tell you how many wonderful women I have met online. I think my writing goals have been validated and encouraged primarily by women, and this has given me the power to say, "hey, don't steriotype me because I am a home maker, I have three very important jobs - mother, wife and writer."

8. If you work on the Net, your experiences.

see above..

9. Where you go on the Net

Seriously? Everywhere. From newsgroups to government sites, I see a huge variety of sites everyday.

10. Net stories

When Justin was having health problems, the very best resource I had was the Net. I could look up medical terms and research test results. I met other parents who had children who were having the same troubles, which gave me a ton of support. And when we had to travel three states away to see a specialist, I had the addresses to libraries in that area that offered online services so I could continue my research online even while I was away from home. I honestly think I would have gone nuts with fear and confusion if I didn't have the power of the Internet behind me.

Hope this helps Julie!

Jessica

Breastfeeding

-- posted by Jessica_Williams

Permalink Print Discussion

» AnneP - Julie, I keep in touch with a couple of close friends almost da

Julie,
I keep in touch with a couple of close friends almost daily through email, and I never seem to have as much time as I want to actually see them. I like the feeling of continuing a broken, cryptic conversation that goes on for several days, working at the computer, where we are all restless, too, and tied to a desk. Romance? Hmm. My net experience is an extension of the writing I've already done for print pubs, but the stories I do definitely evolve differently, in their own time and space, with more playfulness, since often people feel there is less a stake here.

I still have writer friends, women, mostly, who worry about publishing on the web -- maybe they don't like the random jokes, the chaos, the wide spaces left open for interpretation between people because all the nuances of body language and expression are lost -- or they just can't get at the subtleties of meaning that their face-to-face encounters with their publishers or especially, their reading public, provide. I often don't like the chaos, either, and have lost it more than once out here, when I felt beseiged by junk, other realities, other hungers, whatever.

I've gotten some mixed reaction to not adopting the "i love science and i'm just like the boys" approach to this medium. It's an attitude I sort of distrust anyway. All the answers are easy to get about how the technology works, most of the time. Harder is to get at its mystery, to abandon yourself to it. It's something I'm still learning about, but some things I know already -- opportunities for generosity and abuse exist hand-in-hand, also, all the voyeurism of traditional media is there too, taking new, sometimes more intelligent forms. People surprise me, still: I've asked for them to give me information for stories for Wired and for my art and tech site, and always they respond without elevating one over the other, or passing me by, which they could. I've made a couple of close women friends by just inquiring about their photographs, or homepages -- now they write letters to me, send me things, talk about trying to come together. I've spent a day with Meg Stein from the antiweb group, and talked about writing, kids, how important it is to see someone's eyes, after all.

In a few days, I'll have a story posted written by a friend. It's actually about quitting smoking, but it has everything to do with what I think about this experience. I'll write again with its location when I have it up.

-- posted by AnneP

Permalink Print Discussion

» Nancy_Coulter - well, guess i should say something here :) my "net story" is

well, guess i should say something here

my "net story" is sorta long... but interesting

i first got on the internet back in 1993 when i was a freshman at the university of delaware. a friend from high school sent me a letter with her email address and said that i should get mine set up. so i did. it turned out that two of the guys who lived above me were big computer geeks. they inroduced us to the wonderful world of UNIX and things like "talk" and "finger"... stuff like that.

at that time (for some odd reason) there was a common practice for US naval academy midshipmen to send talk requests to UDel students. i actually met a few guys that way. one of them turned out to be one of my best friends and we still use the net to talk all the time (and we see each other face-to-face all the time also)

that best friend introduced me to a telnet BBS system (ISCABBS) and i made an account there. at the time, a common nickname for me was "redhead" and i ended up choosing that for my handle on the BBS. WOW ... was THAT a mistake!

i had guys crawling out of the wood work wanting netsex and all sorts of things like that. i'd get questions like "so do you have red hair everywhere?" *rolls eyes* original things like that.

ever since then, i've been very aware of my sexuality online. most people say that the net is sexless, but i think that's because they have made it that way for themselves. without knowing what i was doing, i made myself into a sex-crazed redheaded female. (which i'm not really like that)

of course, after having to deal with that, i did change my handle and have since used less gender specific names... but for some reason, whenever i go to have fun on the telnet BBSes that i use, i always get hit on by random guys. sorta like going to a bar, which i don't like.

the internet is nice because you normally get to know more about someone's personality and character before you know them for the physical characteristics. this can be helpful for women who may normally be intimidated by men in real life situations.

of course, because of the anonyminity of the internet, it also means that people will try to get away with more than they may do in real life. thus, you have random guys trying to pick up random girls. of course, i know it works the other way too (girls going after guys) but that's not as common.

---

nancy coulter

contributing editor: women's issues

ICQ: 1575634

cflame@blazenet.net

http://www.solic.com/nancy/

-- posted by Nancy_Coulter

Permalink Print Discussion

» Julie - (Posted by Julie for Sandy) ... While staffing at Full Circle

(Posted by Julie for Sandy)

... While staffing at Full Circle, the MUX I play at, I've made a variety of
online friends whose support helped me get through a very difficult divorce
and illness. I've had the great fortune of meeting some of them face-to-face
now, but feel just as close to the people I haven't seen yet. Best of all, one
of those online friends ended up being the love of my life; given how far
apart we were to start with, he and I probably would never have met if it
hadn't been for the 'net.

So, that's been the greatest part of being 'wired', for me. Let me know if
you want something posted at Suite 101.

Thanks-
Sandy

-- posted by Julie

Permalink Print Discussion

» Julie - (Posted by Julie for Marna) How has the net changed my life?

(Posted by Julie for Marna)

How has the net changed my life? Oh my goodness in so many ways. First of
all I led a pretty vanilla life. I was married, took care of someone
else's children, and was a homemaker. I didn't get out much and took care
of an elderly woman ( My former spouses mother )

When we got hooked up to the Internet, it was because my former spouse went
back to school. Once I discovered the Web, I grew these wings. I started
soaking up as much information as I could possibly devour. In grew
spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Unfortunately, my former
spouse didn't find those things positive, and we divorced.

Since my divorce, I have used the net extensively for many things. I am
now enrolled in a University program, and am working on my BA and MA in
Education. The net has only been a positive experience for me.

Also on a parting note, I met my fiancee out here, which is another story
in itself. I think the net empowers women in so many different ways. I
just find it a real positive place to be.

Marna

-- posted by Julie

Permalink Print Discussion

» Orchidlady - The Net has brought my Brother and I together which we hadn't

The Net has brought my Brother and I together which we hadn't been for years. Greg spent most of his life in the service, and I went off and got married. Two years ago he came home for a visit. He talked me into bringing my Orchids to the world of the Internet, to share with every one my passion of the beautiful flowers. Since then with his help, we have created one the largest personal Orchid sites on the Net. We talk daily and I must say trying to build a site with each of you miles away is not easy. I know with out the Net we would both still be strangers..instead we are closer than two peas in a pod now. I even have him growing orchids!!
Yes the Net really did change my life!

The Orchid Lady

Orchid Garden Suit101

Linda's Orchid Page

-- posted by Orchidlady

Permalink Print Discussion