Marriage Shock
Read the article this discussion is about
- Marella
- Jaynee
- verybdog
- XLadyRogue
- lunalvr
- jbyrd76
This archived discussion is "read only".
» Marella - Marriage shock?
This was an interesting article in that it brought up something I've never thought about and so far haven't experienced. Perhaps that's because both my husband and I were older (me 32, he 28) when we married. We'd been on our own, in our own places, holding down our own jobs, for years. If anything, for me, I have had the opposite experience - marriage has been liberating in that my husband, who loves his job, is willing to be the main support for us while I attempt to develop a career at something I love instead of just working any job that will pay the rent.The only identity-loss problem I have is that everyone in my husband's family addresses correspondence to us as "Mr & Mrs. Husband." I won't open those. I refuse to give up my first name, no matter what they think about it. My mother thinks I'm being somewhat silly but she has had problems in the past with the same issue, so it's not like she's completely in the dark. Credit card companies used to give out credits cards to Mrs. Husband, and when my mother tried to cancel one of her cards, she was told they couldn't do it unless they had her husband's permission. She was only Mrs. Husband, so she couldn't make that decision. Well, I ain't Mrs. Husband, and that's that.
-- posted by Marella
» Jaynee - Re: Marriage shock?
In response to message posted by Marella:I thought it was an interesting article as well, and have a couple of other thoughts to add. When I was a little girl and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would mention some specific career that I wanted. I never mentioned marriage or children. Even at 13 years old in 1982 I knew I wanted a career.
As I got older that didn't change too much, although at some point I decided I wanted to get married. I was fortunate that I met a wonderful man and we got married in 1997, when I was 27.
Four years later, I really really want to have kids and quit working altogether. I don't want a career - at least, not one outside the home. Does this mean I'm giving up my position of equality in my home? Not at all.
I don't object to people calling me Mrs. Husband - that's a part of who I am. when I got married I moved to a brand new city at the same time, so no one here even KNEW me as Miss Maiden Name. So I'm Mrs. Husband, and I don't mind it one bit.
So does that mean I'm giving into a stereotype of a married woman? Well, when I was 22 I was a clubbing maniac with no responsibilities. I'm 32 now and I look forward to quiet nights at home. I've evolved.
And if I've evolved into a woman I never thought I would become it doesn't mean I've given in to anything - I've just changed my attitudes and changed into the woman I am.
There's more I wanted to say, but I'd have to go back and read the article again, but suffice to say I don't think I'm giving up anything by being called "Mrs. Husband" and becoming a stay-at-home mom someday. That who I want to be - it's my choice.
More later, I'm sure! =)
Take care!
-- posted by Jaynee
» XLadyRogue - Who Am I?
I know exactly who I am...I am a wife, a mother, daughter, friend, writer and much more. I am happy with who I am.My goals in life were to be a wife and mother. I desparately wanted to blend my life with someone elses. I wanted dearly to be Mrs Husband. Why? Because this is what makes my life content.
-- posted by XLadyRogue
» lunalvr - Getting Married and Panicking
I read this article which gave me pause to think. I am 35 and getting married for the very first time to an absolutely wonderful man. He is a good person with a heart of gold and a zest for life. I have dated mediocre, and I have dated the worst. I know I am truly blessed to have found my husband-to-be. However, no matter how I feel about my fiance, I can't help but hyperventilate right now. And not just because my wedding is only 6 weeks away. But because my life is going to change, and it scares me. And my apprehension is scary, because I usually welcome change with open arms. Perhaps it's the fact I'm leaving my job in 2 weeks (a job I didn't particularly enjoy) and don't have another (yet). Maybe that I'm moving to another town, his town, into his house, to live with him and his 2 sons. That from now on, I can't just make an executive, unilateral decision on my own; that I need to consult with him and him with me. That I'm changing from single woman to wife, step-mom, and new kid on the block in one single blow. I go back and forth on the name change. Not because I want to be known as Mrs. Husband but because I don't want the hassle of thinking about his name, my name, a hyphenated name, etc. He has been wonderful and told me to do what is comfortable to me. Like the women described in the article, I am independent. It took me a while to learn to like myself, have faith in myself, enjoy what I like to do, believe what I believe and make no apologies for it. I was comfortable in my own skin, but feel like I am now being encompassed in someone else's. Whatever anxieties I feel right now have nothing to do with my feelings or affection towards him, but rather the weight of the world on my shoulders and its expectations of what our marriage, my role as wife and step/mother should look like. And it stinks. My goal in life is and has always been to get through life with as few regrets as possible. Well, I think I definitely need to get the ol' girl back.-- posted by lunalvr
» jbyrd76 - Re: Don't Be Silly
In response to message posted by verybdog:I have read the book "Marriage Shock", and it providesalott of valuable information that has explainedalott about how I have felt about things since I have gotten married. I am married to a wonderful man and love him dearly. You can have a great marriage and still start to feel that things are different for yourself as a woman and it have nothing really to do with your husband at all.
I must disagree with your comment because no matter how great a marriage might appear, every marriage has issues that it has to work out. Also, if you read the book "Marriage Shock", you would realize that the book is not complaining about the chosen husband at all...it is only discussing the emotional changes that happen within women when we transitions into the role of wife.
Anyway, I am not trying to be mean about anything...I just thought I would share a bit more to your comment. Thanks!
-- posted by jbyrd76
Please follow the guidelines set forth in the Suite101 Posting Etiquette when adding to the discussion.