What's in a Name?
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- CristyWF
- Kassper
- Marella
- Masoko_Tanga
- Marella
- CristyWF
- erbain
- Boutet
- krismulder
- amo273
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» CristyWF - Changing your name
I have found, in talking to a number of women who have suprisingly (at least to me) taken their husband's name, that their relationship with their parents, especially their father, plays a significant role in the decision. In some cases, it is a means of distancing themselves from their family of origin.Having lost my mother at 17, then building a wonderfully close relationship with my father admittedly played a role in my decision. I wasn't willing to lose that part of myself, I am quite proud of it.
Mostly though, it was a much simpler rationale. In my husband, I knew I had found the person I wanted to journey through this life with, and I was ready to join myself with his family and their heritage. But I also knew that I was incapable of sacrificing myself in the process. To me, reliniquishing my sir name was equivalant to calling me Ralph!
Cristy
-- posted by CristyWF
» Kassper - I took my husband's name when we got married.
I took my husband's name when we got married. The only problem my family had was how to pronounce/spell it. It was expected that I would change my name, and nothing more was ever said about it. No one was offended or hurt by it.When my novel gets published I planned on hypenating my two last names, just to show respect for both families that have encouraged my writing career.
-- posted by Kassper
» Marella - What's in a name?
I changed my name because, well, I didn't care for my birth name, but also because . . . ultimately, what's the difference? My birth name is my father's name (and his father's....), my married name is my husband's (and his father's, and his father's...). So I get a man's name either way. Consequently, I just picked the one I liked the best.-- posted by Marella
» Masoko_Tanga - Last names...
I recently became engaged to my girlfriend. We spoke many times about marriage previously, and discussed it quite throughly: including family names.While I understand that for a female, to keep her name is a part of her family heritage, I ask you two questions:
1) It feels like your saying that women shouldnt have any reason whatsoever to take a man's last name. What you write makes it seem that you are trying to "convince" (and I use that in lack of a better word) women that even if its traditional to take the man's last name, and even if its discussed amongst the bride and groom-to-be, that they shouldnt, and that its almost wrong. If my fiancee wanted to stick with her last name, then I wouldnt have a problem with it. But not only is it tradition, its also commonality. And I would willingly take her last name if it were considered tradition or even allowed!
2) In all honesty - the name any bride-to-be is keeping, is probably the name of her father anyway. It proves to be tradition much more than anything else. You wouldnt be able to say that its the last name of a female, because it probably isnt.
Like I said - one way or the other, if my fiancee wanted to keep her family name, I dont have a problem with it. But it sounded an awful lot like you were trying to convince women to keep it - than take their groom's name.
My two cents...
-- posted by Masoko_Tanga
» Marella - Hi Donald
First of all - of COURSE you're allowed to change your name. I believe it's as legal in Canada as it is here in the US for a man to change his name, since the tradition is rooted in English common law.And Toronto IS a wonderful city.
On another tack:
I sent out a survey to people in my dorm (a coed dorm) in college with questions concerning Ms./Mrs. and women changing their names. I got what I thought were interesting results.
EVERY woman (of course, my sample size was small and hardly random, but my professor felt it was good enough for a college paper), and I mean EVERY ONE who answered the survey vehemently insisted she would NEVER keep her father's name and NEVER use "Ms." Ms. was called "neuter" or "masculine" and was therefore offensive. The word "tradition" was used by every woman; some invoked it on multiple occasions. In fact, the women were so vehement about the subject, it seemed almost like a sort of victim mentality.
On the other hand, the men returned widely varying opinions from "Women should always take the man's name because it shows the man's place in the marriage," to "whatever," to "Women should never take a man's name because it's a stupid custom." Most of the men joked about the Ms./Mrs. question saying "Couldn't ever keep them straight, anyway." None of the men used the word "tradition."
Anyway, FWIW.
-- posted by Marella
» CristyWF - last names
Historically, marriage was a result of pragmatic concerns, such as political alliances, wealth or property, and had absolutely no connection to emotion or romantic love at all. Women were considered property, hence the alteration of the surname. (I'll refrain from narrating the origin of surnames, which include taxation collection and tracking of ethnic groups). The idea is based in English common law, as previously stated, but then again, so is the cliche "rule of thumb", referring to the size of switch legally permissible to provide a wife with a sound beating. In that light, tradition doesn't sound very appealing.I discussed your point regarding a woman's birth name being that of her father with my best friend, who happens to be a social psychologist, and he bemusedly replied "So basically, women have no name of their own?". Sadly, I realized that within the stated parameters, this seems to be the case. As our country's "melting pot" philosophy robbed the varied immigrants of their culture, our patriarchal system has stripped women of their identity. I do know women who have adopted their mother's birth names - a fitting tribute to a generation of women who fought for the choices we now enjoy, but they are few.
In addition, changing one's name is time consuming and laborious - driver's license, social security card, magazine subscriptions, credit cards, checks, life insurance policies, retirement accounts, college registration - the list is endless. Considering the high rate of divorce and remarriage in today's society, a woman's name could bounce considerably, especially if she retains her birthname following any dissolved unions.
As for your contention regarding my preference for the retention of birth names - guilty as charged.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Cristy Wright Frey
-- posted by CristyWF
» erbain - Some Women's Names Are Tradition
In some countries (notably Spain, if I am understanding an exchange student properly), children get their mother's last names, not their father's.I think it is all fine and dandy to call something "tradition," but in adhereing to a tradition you need to decide if you support the reasons behind it. (Remember, at one point it was "traditional" to keep slaves. Did calling it tradition remove the reprehensibility? Granted, that is an extreme example, and I am not saying choosing to change your name is either good or bad. Slavery, on the other hand, I am definitely saying was/is/will be bad.)
You also need to know if you are doing something because YOU want to, or because SOMEONE ELSE made/makes you feel that you should. Too many people do things because they feel they SHOULD, not because they like those things.
-- posted by erbain
» Boutet - What's in a name?
I took advantage of the freedom we women have nowadays re: choosing to retain our father's last name vs. choosing to switch to our husband's last name to separate my professional and personal lives. Professionally, I use my maiden name. Socially, however, I prefer to use my married name. This has worked out really well for me.-- posted by Boutet
» krismulder - Re: Last names...
In response to message posted by Masoko_Tanga:I have news for you...it IS allowed and you CAN take the woman's name. Start a new tradition....why are you fixated on old ones? So why don't you?
-- posted by krismulder
» amo273 - Re: Last names...
In response to Last names... posted by Masoko_Tanga:You are allowed to change your name. As an adult you may change legally, or you may simply start to use your new name. You can notify your credit card companies, professional organizations, etc of the name change. In rare cases they will ask you for legal documentation, but as is true for women, they will typically just accept the name change. Then if you need, say, your credit report at some point, you have to include your other names that go with your SSN.
-- posted by amo273
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