Coping with Your Abuser

» willibaldvongluc - Interesting how the narcistically disordered one uses confident,

Interesting how the narcistically disordered one uses confident,calm controlled almost soothing language, like a doctor explaining your "condition" to you. They have no sense of the damage they do and when they've finally broken your spirit, they calm and soothe you as if the assault and wounding were from a source other than themselves. "I really didn't think you'd see it like that/didn't think you'd react like that," is their language style...always impressing on you that it was YOU who somehow got it wrong/misinterpreted it/misperceived it. Thus the seeds of victimhood of the abuser are sown. He will claim we are all born into dysfunctional families, we should know better to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate touch, it's not an exact science but we do the best we can as we're all flawed people and no-one meant any harm...really!!
The sodomisation of a young child explained away as "I felt so lonely and you were the only one who seemed to understand me, it was really more love than sex...you know?
They love to sound knowledgeable too and spare you no pain informing you coldly and callously that you always were a little slow, a little backward and so your opinion is not to be trusted but, "Hey, I trust you and make allowances for you, 'cos I know what is best and aren't I a social worker/doctor and who could argue with that?
Bastards they are everywhere - shame they don't come with a public health warning. Only for Tim Field's Bullying website and its links with Sam Vaknin's Malignant Self Love site I'd never have rumbled him/her. I couldn't have made sense of this stuff in a life time, thank you Sam and Tim.
What is really painful is my abuser took the place of a similarly dysfunctional father who was never there, literally or metaphorically. So he had a golden opportunity to be cruel. I'd describe him/her presenting as a shiny apple. Initially it tastes sweet and fresh, then without warning, you get a mouthful that's rotten. You spit it out thinking that was a one-off. Pick the apple up again and there's no evidence of any more rot, so you eat again and again and next thing you know there's some more bad. Again you spit it out. Anyone wise to the N.P.D. would just throw it away but because of who we are/what we are, we keep biting in, discarding the rot and hoping for better the next time. This goes on until we are seriously ill, it took this extreme to get us to stop. Then we notice something highly unusual about this apple. The closer to the skin, the better it appears, a lovely clear fruit. It's only when you bite in deeper that you notice the traces of decay and disease that you had been patiently working around. They're only traces you tell yourself, then you reach the core....it's completely rotten and you're in deep trouble.
Still, here's a couple of warning signs to spot the narcissistically disordered person:
1 They have no sense of irony
2 No matter how inappropriate the situation, they can manage a smile.
3 Their motto; "No Problem - No Boundaries!"

-- posted by willibaldvongluc

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