Living with verbal abuse

Top 77. May 16, 2006 8:09 PM

» shastinababe - This is so hard

In response to This is so hard posted by tianna20:

You know what is so bizzare is that my husband had anger manegnent 14 yrs. ago he did drink and quit.I guess he thought that was his only problem. He has 4 sisters he is the only boy and they married men who when they( his sisters) say JUMP they say HOW HIGH...his mother use to put down his dad, they divirced and she lived with a man who abused her for 35 years. my husband hated him and defended his mom. his dad remarried a woman who controlls him. do you think he has a macho male image issue? I think he needs to jump when I say how high just like his sisters husbands do. I feel like an idiot infront of his family because they must know what kind of anal rententive asshole he is? I am not going to take any more abuse I will stand and be the woman I know I have alway been......
I deserve the best life possible for me and my kids. I am not afraid of him......

-- posted by shastinababe

Top 78. May 17, 2006 6:24 AM

» tianna20 - This is so hard

In response to This is so hard posted by shastinababe:

Hey,
Why stay married to him, as long as your married he will continue to think you are still interested in making the marriage work regardless of what you tell him, and the control still continues. This is how men like this think, when they lose control you take away thier power (they think they have.) No I don't think he's a mocho man, I think he has a control problem and anger issues, and he thinks he can bully you at anytime and anyplace. I also feel his sisters have control issues also because, in a loveing healthy relationship no one should ever tell the other what to do and when to do it. Being in a healthy relationship means comprimizing and working together toward a mutual goal, I feel telling your husband to jump when you tell him to is disrespectful and demeaning, and has no place in a healthy relationship. Even though my man verbally abuses me at times when he is drunk, I would never think of telling him to do anything in that fashion, because I know where he'd tell me to go, and I'd deserve it, it's wrong. Don't stoop to that level ever.

-- posted by tianna20

Top 79. May 18, 2006 8:17 AM

» tianna20 - Kristin

Kristin,
Where are you? I am so worried about you. Have you left? Did he hurt you? Why haven't you posted in days? Please sent me a message on my e-mail or post a message here, I have come on everyday to hear something from you and nothing. I'm worried something happen, or I'm optimistic that you have left him, please let me know, don't leave me in the dark.
Please take care
TIANNA

-- posted by tianna20

Top 80. May 19, 2006 4:51 PM

» shastinababe - This is so hard

In response to This is so hard posted by tianna20:

Hi Tatianna, Well I have taken several steps to my freedom. I told him not to come back ( he said he would go where he wants)I took ALL the monies I helped make from the sale of 2 houses (apox 40,000.00). I did leave 10,000.00 in the account to pay any bills I need to pay. I put the money in a seperate savings account he cannot touch. I figure it is enough to cover any household expenses for a while. He would have taken the money before me if the bank had been open on sunday when he left. I feel very SECURE knowing I can pay the bills and stay in my home and if I have to I can hire a lawyer. I guess I am not STUPID times 3 like he said I was :-).
I guess I should count my blessing because without this money I helped earn I would never have had the guts to tell him to leave. 11 years ago I did do the shelter thing and I did not like it, living with him was easier I must admit.
I guess if I didn't have kids and I was by myself I could do it but when you have kids it is hard on them. You are basicaly homeless and the kids feel like they have no home anymore.
He has no more control and I am feeling stronger each day he is gone. I still get a knot in my stomach when I think about all the verbal, emotional and mental abuse I have put up with. I guess that will take time to get over. I do not love him ( haven't for quite a while)so I do not miss the companionship, I rather like being alone to myself with my boy's. I enjoy taking care of my kids and meeting their needs I feel like I am a good parent and will continue to be there for my kids ( unlike their dad). I do not put him down in front of them or talk about him in front of them. I tell them to call him after their games and school days and share it with him. Just like before, on that part nothing has changed. I like the fact that he has been out of town most of their lives, it's not like he has up and left and I have to deal with the seperation axnitity.Anyway I have babbled long enough thanks for being there and I will continue to read the post and keep in touch.
Thanks for listening and being there

-- posted by shastinababe

Top 81. May 24, 2006 7:16 AM

» tianna20 - This is so hard

In response to This is so hard posted by shastinababe:

Shastina,
How are you doing, I hope your well. How did you get the money out if he took you off the acounts. I had no idea you could take that kind of money, and now I don't know what could have been stopping you all this time. Most of us could never dream of having that kind of money, and God has blessed you. My thoughts are this, take what you believe is your childrens and what you believe is yours and make a good life once and for all, and always know you did this for yourself and your children. Go places do things that make you happy and your kids, and forget all the selfishness. YOU DID IT SISTER, AND IF ANYONE I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU AND YOUR CHOICES.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ALWAYS
TIANNA

-- posted by tianna20

Top 82. May 30, 2006 7:36 AM

» LindaM12388 - What now?

Okay I think i figured it out. I started on meds with my Dr about 5 years ago, started my 17 yr old last week, I am behind in my house pmt 2mo.today, due to he is always on me about paying the bills, I have always done it for 20yrs. but he complains about everything, so to keep it calm, i just say I will take care of it. But I can't do it all ...He makes good $ but I don't want to ask for more, to always keep it calm, we have six children , and I don't want a broken home, I love my home I feel safe there, I am afraid to move on, due to the kids, I have no money, I have a good job also, but it all goes to bills. he transfers money to my account to make the house pmt, but I don't want to tell him the electrics due , the car ins. etc, so I used it up...I hope the salavation army can help me today..so I can make pmt, so it only reflects 30days past due , so I don't have to deal with that from him, why have I waited, part of me wants to just leave now but I can't due to the kids , school almost out, $, etc. but then when, last week I even had thoughts of it would be better if something happened and the family could use my life ins....My dad found out in jan he has cancer, and guess who takes care of that...me Dr appts, time off work I think thats also how I got behind...I have the best kids...but even they say what s up with dad today? what kind of mood is he in? Is this normal do other kids always ask what kind of mood is some one in??? I am always the nag, he says, and that I always want to start some thing , so I just go do something else...I stopped crying about it about 4years ago, i think the meds made me feel stronger that way, I just feel emotionally not ready for this all coming to a head, right now...I hope someone can help me today at theCounty, or Salvation army , so I can get mentally and montary ready. I don't want that hanging over my head.. and that a fuel source for him, i can handle the 30 but not a 60 day with him, and i need my credit to if I am to move on...

-- posted by LindaM12388

Top 83. Jun 9, 2006 10:20 AM

» girlhurt - don't know what to do

I've been together with my boyfriend for 3 years. It was perfect at first, we would do anything for each other. After awhile my boyfriend starting becoming controlling, I couldn't go out pass 12:00 p.m. on a weekday. He tried to control my money. I couldn't joke around with him but he could with me. It got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore so I blew up and punched him in the face. I know i did wrong but I promised myself I wouldn't do it again and I've been good. My boyfriend and I just bought a house together and I feel he's always wanting to start something with me to hurt my feelins. Everytime we argue, i'm always calm he cusses at me and screams until I cry. I feel he's holding a grudge with me. He verbally abuses me and takes thing the wrong way. He screams and throws tantrums when I don't want to get intimate with him. I believe that being intimate is when you want to express your love. With him I feel he uses it to just relieve himself. I loved him at one point b-4 all this. I don't think I could be with him anymore. I can't stand being around him. We always get into stupid fights and he makes it worse by screaming and cussing. The other day I had a meeting for work so my boyfriend and I planned to leave early that morning. We did leave a half an hour early. I was on the freeway and we had planned for him to dropped me off at work first so he could take the car. When he was about to hop on the freeway to get to my work He saw that there was traffic and he started cussing and saying I can't be late like this. I told him to drive to his work first so he won't be late. When he switched lanes, traffic started speeding up in the other freeway he then said forget it I'll take you to work first. When he hopped on the freeway it ended up having traffic. He then told me that he wouldn't have been late if he didn't take me to work. I told him in a calm voice I have no control over the traffic and we did leave early. Then he started screaming I'm not mad at you o.k. I then explained to him, I though you were because you told me that you wouldn't be late if you didn't have to take me to work. He then screamed at me again I told you I'm not mad so shut the f*ck up and he lost all respect for me. He just kept on going on and on then said I can't take this anymore I wanna break up with you. I asked him why when you fight you always want to break up. Make sure you mean it when you say it. He just kept telling me to shut the f*ck up. When we got to my work he told my to get the f*ck out of the car. I told he that he was an A-hole. He then screamed get the f*ck out of the car. I was crying of course because I don't know why he's been treating me like this. He then called me back a few hours later. I couldn't hear what he was saying when he first called because the phone was breaking up so I hung up. He then call me a 2nd time on my cell and I forgot to change the ringer. I was talking to a client that time so I hung up the phone because it was getting loud. I I always did that. And he should know. I saw that he left a message and I checked the voicemail. He left a message saying, I was gonna say sorry but you hung up on me. If you don't call me back then go find your own ride home. Of course when someone says that you don't want to go home with them. What should I do. I use to picture myself being married with him but not anymore. I just can't be around him. Am I over reacting? Is this just a phase everyone goes through. I feel I see a pattern. Is it ok for him to yell at me and call me names? He hardly says sorry until i actually leave him (meaning move out) I don't like to get into arguments. Please help. maybe I'm blind.

-- posted by girlhurt

Top 84. Jun 30, 2006 8:48 AM

» merrick - I just need some one to talk to about this

I have been married for two years and at first it was great. Now thou I am seeing things I wish I would have been able to not see.
It is really hard to talk about this becuase he seemed so right when we were frist togeather. Now my husband threatens me with things like taking our daughter away if I make him leave becuase of how mean he is. I am really scared and not sure what to do. I live with my mom right now but he will not leave he only works for a part time agency and the only reason he is doing that is becuase my mom said that he needed to get a job or get out.
Last night he told me that I never take care of his needs that things are my fault I always make him mad. I told him to leave and he told me no that if he left he would take what was his which was our daughter. I picked her up and wanted to go upstairs and he would not let me he held me untill I gave her up so he could hold her I went up stairs and went to the bathroom and came back down and took my daughter from him.
He now acts like nothing happened like everything is ok. I am not ok thou I am very much scared and am not sure what to do. He has family in Pensilvian that he wants to go to with our daughter if i make him leave but I can not let him get that far I know he would hurt her. He yells at her already and she is just a year old. Please if anyone can help me on this one.

-- posted by merrick

Top 85. Jul 14, 2006 4:28 PM

» tianna20 - I just need some one to talk to about this

In response to I just need some one to talk to about this posted by merrick:

Merrick
You sound very young,and you sound scarred, but I will tell you this, this guy only has the power you give him. He is terrorizing you because you are letting him, and who cares why, it's his problem, yours should be your daughter first and formost. forget the past all men act, do and say anything to get what they want, whether they are 20 or 50 yrs. old. Forget how he was back them, that was not who he is, what you are seeing now is who he is. The only person you can change is yourself, (CURB THIS GUY A.S.A.P.) He lives in your mothers house, he has no rights. Protect your daughter and yourself, not to mention the disrespect he has for your mother's hospitality. IT'S A RED FLAG, SAVE YOURSLF AND SAY "SEE YA DON'T NEED YA" LET HIM GO DESTROY SOMEONE ELES'S LIFE NOT YOURS, YOU ARE ALL YOUR DAUGHTER NEED BELIEVE ME I'VE BEEN THERE.
TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOURSELF
TIANNA

-- posted by tianna20