So, What is Abuse?
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- Tx_Tornado_
- Tx_Tornado_
- Kate6
- RECRUITER1967
- RECRUITER1967
- RECRUITER1967
- luckyiamout
- RECRUITER1967
- Lexis_mom
- RECRUITER1967
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» Tx_Tornado_ - Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by dragonaa2:I am new to this discussion thread to forgive me if I do not totally follow the ethics of it.
I was a battered (in more ways than one) along with my two small sons. There is NO way to make them aware of their actions. I tried recording him so he would listen to himself and ended up getting beat up. My children were emotional as well as physical hostages, therefore he did control every instance. I would tell myself he would not kill me *on purpose*, but when he went into a rage (which was daily) I knew he could lose control and kill me. I had no family - he made sure to turn them against me, same things with friends. He got rid of my new car, and also made sure I got fired from an Executive Position at my company - leaving me and my children stranded in an isolated country mobile home. After one year and several attempts to escape, one which he convinced the Judge I was suicidal and they came and took me out of the Crisis Center and admitted me into a Mental Hospital. Others, where he would intervene with my children in school and speak to their counselors about my sexually abusing my children. Child protective services intervened and made it harder on me. However, I was cleared of all. Every night I would pray for the Lord to take my soul in my sleep (for I was raised suicide is not permissable); however, one morning I woke up with the knowledge that I could run. I tried to drag my sons out to run with me, but they were terrified; so I did the unthinkable. I ran 5 miles to the nearest store (no neighbors) and called 911. The Crisis Center put me up in a hotel for the night with the understanding that I would not try to contact my children. Although I had already heard their screams, "Mom, please come back. We need you, please do not leave us", as I hid in the brushes. I still pray for the Lord to forgive me for this action. It took 2 long years, a psychological testing (on him), 6 judges, hearings, and finally court date for a continuous broken protective order. He had been married several times before (I didn't know this) and had battered all of his spouses. None would help because they were terrified of the thought of him coming after them. I FOUGHT!!! I wanted him in jail. I had pictures, I had recorded phone tapes, I had witnesses; and still it took me almost 2 years. I now have a life time protective order for my children, my family, and myself. I since have gotten a degree, found a wonderful man that worships me and has total respect for my children and I. There is life after ABUSE, even though I thought I would prefer to be dead - thank the Lord for giving me strength to RUN... My children have grown up to be great gentle Young Men. One married and in the AirForce (glowing like a full moon), the other married and as gentle and brilliant as I wish I had been. He too is career happy. The youngest Bank Branch Manager in their (banks) history.
I encourage my sons, should they ever need to speak about this - blame me for their horror - seek answers - or just ask "WHY?", they are free to do so, or even if they feel they need to go to counseling to help when they become parents. I will not deny my poor choices, nor will I say "that is the past, get over it"; because I want them to be well rounded adults without question. I can take anything they have to say; I would rather them say it - than act it out. But it has and will continue to be a long road to recovery. For 4 years off and on we lived at shelters; not a very stable environment - but a safe one. I hope this helps. God Bless Us all, but he doesn't give us what we can't handle, as long as we believe in him.
-- posted by Tx_Tornado_
» Tx_Tornado_ - Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by laurenmarie321:During Couseling paid for by the Crisis Center, I learned that I COULD NOT help him. I was neither a counselor nor a priest that could change his outlook or his behavior. He turned to 'God - brought a pastor to counsel us. He turned into a new man by attending 'Anger Management'. His father passed away, he turned to 'being the man and father he always wanted to be'. Each lasting approximately 3 to 4 days. There is nothing ANYONE can do for them except themselves. It is best left up to the Lord - because everytime we stretch our hand out to him - it is interfering with God's work. When he was released from Prison, he came looking for me. I hid, I changed my name, I would not take company pictures for the newspaper. About your daugher learning that behavior pattern is critical. As little as my sons were, my oldest son (age 4) at the time said, as I was getting punched... "Mom, if you just do what you are told you wouldn't be getting hurt". I knew them I was raising an abuser! The thought sickened me. I didn't have a car, job, friends, family, money, not even birth certificates, or id's. He kept them locked up. I thought I had to wait to get everything in order, but he was always one step ahead of me. So, when I ran, and finally after 2 days got my children back, we had only what we were wearing! It was so humbling. My children had no school clothes, no shoes (they were wearing sandals), and of course no school supplies nor lunch money. I didn't even have a dime or my purse. But I don't regret it. All those things can be recovered. He threw all of our clothes and possessions out into the yard and burned them. The hardest possessions to lose was our pictures of my sons. But the finest taste was FREEDOM. Don't look back..... because he will find your weakness and use it. Like when his dad died. I loved his parents, but I knew if I went to the funeral it would put me back in the arms of an Octupus. When you get 2 arms free you feel 6 wrap around you. It's an never ending journey when you try to be a real human being with these types of people. Be careful, don't take chances, and by all means make sure when you say 'NO'.... you stand by it no matter what your heart says. But then again, that is only my opinion. I still don't have the answers. I just know now, that I don't have to try to figure them out! Because it is his problem and not mine. Recovery for my sons is all I have to worry about. God Bless You and All other still in the Prison of Hell.
-- posted by Tx_Tornado_
» Kate6 - Can't Believe That There Are So Many Out There Suffering!
I have been suffering from a verbally abusive relationship for so long now that I can't even remember what a normal life is. I think I have always been with someone who is like this. My first husband was and now my fiancee for seven years. We run a business together. Everything is always my fault. This business is his baby. everything that is done in it is done so by his talents. He wanted us to do this as a way for us to make money as we both don't have college degrees and money & etc. He says this is our only way to make it. It has gotten us pretty far from where we came from. I pick up his ideas and run the business as he sees fit. That's fine. But, I often make mistakes, as it is a complicated business and some of it still is not organized (my fault too, he says, because I fought him on doing the business together for so many years). I guess I wanted my own life but he said that we could not afford for me to do college & etc. He berates me for those mistakes in the business. He name calls, he yells, he insuates that I am dumb, he says I am dumb, don't listen. If something happens that he did it is my fault becuase we are not organized. He says that I don't listen to him at all. That I am disrespectful to him if I try to defend myself against these attacks. That I am making him out to be the bad guy. Often these attacks are done in front of customers or employees. I get so embarrased that I don't even want to say anything. To him, I can't do anything right. If I do something good it is always overshadowed by the negative. I'm glad to find this board and know that there are many out there like me. It gives me the stregnth to fufill a plan to get away. People don't change. He never will. He lost control in his childhood and now he is all about having it at any cost. iNcluding my sanity.-- posted by Kate6
» RECRUITER1967 - RE: COMING TO REALITY
I HAVE JUST BEEN READING EVERYONE'S MOST HORRIFYING NIGHTMARE OF BEING IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.I AM 38 YEARS OLD AND WILL BE 39 IN MAY. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED SINCE 8/24/02 AND THIS WAS MY FIRST MARRIAGE. I HAVE BEEN ABUSED PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, VERBALLY AND NOW ECONOMICALLY. I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO TELL MY STORY IT IS SO LONG. MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN MARRIED BEFORE WITH 3 DAUGHTERS WHICH HE HAS NOT SEEN FOR OVER 5 YEARS CLAIMING THERE IS A COURT ORDER AGAINST HIM.
HE HAS KEPT ME HIDDEN FROM HIS EX IN LAWS AND THEY DONT KNOW ABOUT ME.
HE PUTS ME DOWN, KNOCKS ME, MAKES ME FEEL I AM WORTHLESS, HE SENDS OUT EMAILS TO WOMEN OVER THE INTERNET AND SAYS HE IS JUST PLAYING WITH THEI MINDS. HE HAS HIT ME IN THE HEAD SEVERAL TIMES IN TWO SEPERATE INCIDENTS ONCE THIS YEAR AND LAST YEAR. I REPORTED IT TO THE POLICE AND THEY ARRESTED HIM AND I HAD TWO RETRAINING ORDERS. I DROPPED BOTH OF THE COURT ORDERS BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM AND LOVED HIM SO MUCH AND CAME BACK. HE IS BLAMING ME FOR ALL OF THIS AND WHAT HAS OCCURED. HE SAYS I CREATED THIS WHOLE MESS AND I AM ILLUSINATING. HE SAYS HE GAVE ME EVERYTHING IN THE LIFE AND I REPAYED HIM BY GIVING HIM SUFFERING AND PAIN AND NO PEACE.
I TRIED TO BE A GOOD WIFE TO HIM AND NO MATTER WHAT GOOD I DID HE ALWASY OVER LOOKED IT AND BROUGHT OUT THE NEGATIVE PARTS OF ME. I AM SEEKING COUSNELING FOR ABUSE AND THEY WANT TO PUT ME INTO A SHELTER FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS AND EVREYTIME I TRY TO LEAVE SOMETHING HOLD ME BACK THAT I FEEL I AM RUINING MY LIFE AND IT WILL BE WORSE. I FEEL THIS WAS THE ONLY CHANCE FOR ME TO BE MARRIED AND HE DID NOT LET ME HAVE KIDS AND NOW HE SAYS THAT I CANNOT HAVE KIDS BECAUSE I AM MENTLALY UNSTABLE. HE REALLY HURTS ME TO THE POINT THAT I JUST WANT TO DIE.
HE WAS AN EX DOCTOR WHO LOST HIS LICENSE DUE TO FRAUD AND NOW IS BACK IN HIS CARRIER AND HE DID SPEND TIME IN PRISON AND I OVERLOOKED IT WHEN WE MET. NOW HE FEELS HE IS TOO GOOD FOR ME. HE IS NOT SHARING HIS SUCCESS WITH ME AND HIS MONEY. HE IS GIVING ME A FEW DOLLARS HERE AND THERE AND WONT LET ME HAVE ACCESS TO ANY MONEY. HE IS KEEPING IT ALL IN HIS NAME.
I AM PENNILESS
MY DEBIT IS OVER 20,000 IN CREDIT CARDS AND ETC.
I AM OPEN TO ANY SUGGESTIONS.
-- posted by RECRUITER1967
» RECRUITER1967 - Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by ruby43:HI RUBY,
I AM SO SCARED TO TALK BACK TO MY HUSBAND THAT HE BECOMES VIOLENT AND I AM SCARED HE WILL PUNCH OR HIT ME.
I TRIED TO BE AGGESIVE WITH HIM AND TALK BACK AND HE SAYS STOP IT.
HE SAYS BELIEVE ME IT WONT LAST THE WAY YOU ARE GOING.
-- posted by RECRUITER1967
» RECRUITER1967 - Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by dragonaa2:DEAR DRAGONAA2
YOU ARE CORRECT. MY HUSBAND IS CONSTANTLY SAYING THAT HE DOES NOTHING WRONG AND I AM THE BAD GUY. HE SAYS THAT I DONT REALIZE THE CONSEQUENCES WHEN I GO TO THE POLCE ON HIM
HE SAYS THAT HE DOES NOT TRUST ME AND THAT I WILL DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE TWO TIMES ONCE THIS YEAR AND ONCE LAST YEAR I CALLED THE POLICE BECAUSE HE HIT ME IN THE HEAD AND I WAS IN SHOCK.
THEY ARRESTED HIM AND THIS TIME HE IS ALMOST OFF THE HOOK FROM HIS ATTORNEY, THEY ARE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE I AM THE BAD SICK PERSON.
YET HE TELLS ME EVERY DAY SINCE DAY ONE FROM WHEN WE MET, HE LOVES ME VERY MUCH AND THAT I AM HIS LIFE AND ETC.
-- posted by RECRUITER1967
» luckyiamout - Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by RECRUITER1967:Go to the shelter NOW! Do not wait any longer. Your life is in danger! This man will KILL you. Do you understand?
-- posted by luckyiamout
» RECRUITER1967 - Re: Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by luckyiamout:DEAR LUCKYIAMOUNT
I AM TRYING AND IT IS SO HARD.
HE KEEPS TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME VERY MUCH AND LOVES ME VERY MUCH
MAYBE HE DOES IN HIS OWN SICK MIND
YES EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY IS WORRIED ABOUT MY SAFETY AND BELIEVES HE CAN HURT ME VERY BAD WITHOUT INTENTIONALLY MEANING TO DO IT
HE CAN PUSH ME AGAINST A WALL AND I CAN DIE
I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON THIS SITE ONCE I AM GONE.
-- posted by RECRUITER1967
» Lexis_mom - Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by RECRUITER1967:You have to take care of yourself and get help. No man is worth your safety. Even if you have to live in a shelter you will be safer nobody can take care of you except yourself.
-- posted by Lexis_mom
» RECRUITER1967 - Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...
In response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by Lexis_mom:Dear Lexis Mom
Thank you for your support
I wish I could speak to you people in person.
I do hope I can find a better life after wards.
I actually feel like I am having a nervous system breakdown from all the abuse.
Yet he still says it is all my fault and that I am the one who is causing his outburts and trouble.
Why?
He won't say he is responsible for anything actually he believes that he is the victim.
I am so brain washed that I really feel and believe that I am the cause for all this trouble
It was my first marrriage. What a shame.
I got married at 33 years old and now I am 38 going on 39 years old in May and this is not what i expected. I thought I was going to have a whole new life, family kids, a husband who would treat me with respect and diginity love me for who i am and be good to all the time no matter what.
I guess i was living in la la land.
-- posted by RECRUITER1967
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