So, What is Abuse?

Top 26. Feb 20, 2006 12:38 PM

» RECRUITER1967 - Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse

In response to Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse posted by ididitiamfree:

DEAR VICTIM
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR LIFE AND I DO HOPE YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU LIKE GOLD. BECAUSE YOU DESERVE EVERY MOMENT OF PEACE AND HAPPNESS.

-- posted by RECRUITER1967

Top 27. Feb 20, 2006 12:52 PM

» RECRUITER1967 - Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse

In response to Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse posted by ididitiamfree:
.
DEARVICTIM:
ONCE AGAIN I NEED TO SAY THAT I AM VERY MUCH IN PAIN. SEE I HAVE WRITTEN A LOT TO PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE SAME BOAT OR SIMILAR SITUATIONS.
MY HUSBAND KEEPS BLAMING ME FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED WITH THE ABUSE. IT IS SUCH A LONG STORY BUT HE IS STATING THAT HE DID NOTHING WRONG AND THT I AM MENTALLY SICK. HE HAS SAID I AM TWISTING AND MAKING UP STORIES SO PEOPLE WILL FEEL SORRY FOR ME.
MY COUNSELOR HAS TRIED TO HELP ME AND KEEPS INSISTING THAT HE IS AT FAULT YET HE STATES THAT I HAVE DESTROYE OUR MARRIAGE AND HE WANTS ME GONE.
HE SAID IF I DONT LEAVE HE WILL LEAVE OR THROW ME OUT.
I AM FEELING VERY GUILTY AND THAT I HAVE CAUSED THIS.
HE SAID HE WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL BEFORE HE MET ME AND THAT I CREATED SUCH PRESSURE AND PAIN AND MORE PAIN FOR THE WHOLE TIME WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR FIVE YEARS.
I AM CRYING OUT AND I FEEL SO CONFUSED THAT I DONT KNOW WHO TO BELIEVE HIM OR MY COUNSELOR.

-- posted by RECRUITER1967

Top 28. Feb 21, 2006 10:12 AM

» vmthibeault - Long Term Effects of Emotional, Sexual and Physical Abuse

I really need to get this out. I have never told anyone and am too embarrassed to tell anyone in person. Anyone that would ever be able to see me. I like this feeling of annonymity. Please, if anyone has advice that they can offer me, anything that they can say... Please... But where to start. The effects of any kind of abuse are long lasting, forever long. I have nightmares both awake and asleep of those things happening again and again. I drink because of it. It is ruining my relationship with my wonderful fiancee. I love him so very very much, but because I have a lot of trouble communicating with him and I lack the skills to deal with the emotions. I was sexually abused when I was a very young child. I do not remember much of it, but I remember telling my 1 year younger sister that it was ok for people to touch. I did not know that it was wrong. My parent caught us several times and never ever said anything. I used to go to school with fat lips and bruises and had to lie about what happened. My mother never ever would defend me against my father and I was the outlet for all of his agression. They both have done and do lots of cocaine and pot and who knows what else. I have been in the middle of both of their affairs with other people. Both of them confiding in me about these affairs. They have been coming to me for marital advice since I was in grade 6. I have never ever been told that I was on the right path, that I was great at something. I have basically been looking after myself since I was in grade 4 and probabaly even younger (I have a hard time remembering too much before than). We moved a lot. I went to 8 elementary schools and 4 highschools. I never touched pot until I was almost 20 and I drank for the first time just after I graduated from highschool. I have a high anxiety of loosing everything, but I tend to try to sabatoge my relationships by being too needy, and by pushing people away. I have not talked to my parents in almost a year now. They threatened to kill my boyfriend (we are now engaged) for no reason. I recently wrote them a letter telling them I wanted to start a slow relationship with them. Maybe start with some letters and test the waters. I have a lot of anger towards them still and I wanted to start out slow. My dad ended up in the hospital and needed emergancy surgery and they did not call me. They had my grandpa call me and tell me that they thought that I would hang up on them and that I needed to grow up. I have lived on my own since grade 12. I supported my self while going to school full time (1 year of grade 12 and 1 year of college) and not once have I received praise for being able to do this. My fiancee is so wonderful. He loves me to pieces, but he cannot stand my drinking. I understand. I get so drunk that I end up throwing up and am sick the next day as well. I want to be so much of a better person for him and I feel as though I am turning into my parents. I am so scared of him leaving me that I would rather sabatoge our relationship than feel that pain. Really though, I do not want to sabatoge it, I am happier than I have ever been. The last time that I got really drunk he told me that he was here for me this time, but there will not be a next time. I cannot do that. I cannot loose this wonderful awsome man who I am so blessed to be with. I have a hard time controlling my drinking though. It really depends on the situation, but the tough thing is that the situations that I do end up drinking too much in do not really have a common factor. I think that it may be that a thought crosses my mind and I want to dispose of it as quickly as possible so I continue to drink. I know when I should stop. I even mentally go through it in my head, but I ignore my self and others when I know I should listen to them. I need to start to take responsibility and I need to start to recognize what is going on in my head that I feel the need to continue this. Thanks to anyone who can offer some much needed support!

VMT

-- posted by vmthibeault

Top 29. Feb 21, 2006 10:21 AM

» vmthibeault - Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse

In response to Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse posted by RECRUITER1967:

Dear Recruiter1967,

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. None of this is your fault. I know how you feel and I know that you think that the man that you are with is the sick person who needs to leave or rather you need to leave him. He was like this before you met him, you did not make him this way. We all have seceret desires of hitting someone or hurting them when we are angrey but sane and normal people put that negative energy into something else, whether is going for a walk or writing something down. You need to believe your counselor and you need to start to make a plan ASAP because he is not going to stop and you deserve better than that. I wish you all the luck in dealing with this and please, make the right decision for you. There are tonnes of places of support that you can go to in times of trouble.
VMT

-- posted by vmthibeault

Top 30. Feb 23, 2006 9:36 PM

» ididitiamfree - Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse

In response to Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse posted by RECRUITER1967:

Recrutter1967
Thank you for your kind thoughts, I want you to know that you deserve to be treated like gold also. If you are so bad he could leave you. We are all free to walk away, No one deserves to be treated like garbage a normal person doesn't try to blame the other in a bad relationship and then scream yell and abuse to keep them in that bad relationship!
I won't lie it is hard and painful and full of greif to leave but if you are determined to survive you will get to a better life.

-- posted by ididitiamfree

Top 31. Feb 23, 2006 9:42 PM

» ididitiamfree - Long Term Effects of Emotional, Sexual and Physical Abuse

In response to Long Term Effects of Emotional, Sexual and Physical Abuse posted by vmthibeault:

You have had such a hard life but you sound like a great person you just have a drinking problem. That can be solved and it should be your number one concern right now. Get counsling go to AA go for inpatient treatment all the past crap can wait you can deal with your family when you are strong.

-- posted by ididitiamfree

Top 32. Feb 24, 2006 8:42 AM

» vmthibeault - Thank you to both of you

I am starting to get help with my drinking and it is hard to talk about it and admit that I have a problem, but it feels good at the same time. I feel guilty, though, because I do not want my family in my life. I am so much happier without them. SO much less pain has been inflicted now that I have been seperate from them completely for 1 year. I am actually allowing myself to be happy, but sometimes I do slip back. I suppose that we all do at some point in time. I am determinded to not let the past repeat itself.

Who I am

I am the person I am because of my past,
But that does not mean that I have to become it.
I am sensitive and passionate,
And am sometimes too serious.
I know how someone should be loved
And how I want to be loved
But mostly how they shouldn’t be.
I am very emotional,
But that does not make me weak,
It makes me who I am.
I sometimes frighten easily,
But know how to comfort someone as well.
I know how to be caring
And I know how to be stern.
I know the kind of mother I want to be and
The kind of father you will be.
I know I love you
And I know you love me.
But most of all I know who I want to be
And the path I need to take.
And ultimately that path
Is with you because
No matter how much my past
Has made me see how I do not want be,
You and our future
are teaching me how I will be.

Thanks for the vote of confidence!!
VMT

-- posted by vmthibeault

Top 33. Mar 6, 2006 11:56 AM

» RECRUITER1967 - Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse

In response to Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse posted by vmthibeault:

DEAR FRIEND:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT BUT I FEEL THAT MY HUSBAND KEEPS TELLING ME THAT I AM MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND I CANNOT HAVE KIDS AND HE WONT LET ME HAVE KIDS. HE SAYS I RAN OUT SEVERAL TIMES ON HIM EVERYTIME THINGS GOT TOUGH. HE SAYS MARRIAGE IS TOUGH AND NOT ALWAYS EASY. HE SAYS THAT I ABONDEN THINGS AND THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING.I AM SO CONFUSED THEN WHY IS PEPLE TELLING ME THAT I AM BEING ABUSED
I WAS TOLD THE REASON WHY I RAN WAS BECAUSE BATTERED WOMEN RUN AWAY FROM THEIR HOUSES
I BEGGED HIM TO LET ME HAVE KIDS AND HE SAYS BECAUSE OF MY MENTAL STABLITY AND PAST I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. HE IS TOO SCARED HE SAYS I WIL RUN OFF WITH THE KIDS
I AM SO BAFFLED THAT I AM HEARING ONE THING FROM MY THERAPIST AND OTHER FROM MY HUSNAND
HE HAS A MEDICAL DEGREE AND HAS OVER 20 YEARS OF MEDICAL TRAINING SO HE THINKS HE IS ALWAYS CORRECT ON PHYSCOLOGY AND MENTAL/EMOTIONAL MATTERS
I DONT KNWO WHAT TO DO
I FEEL THAT I AM RUNNING AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS.

-- posted by RECRUITER1967

Top 34. Mar 26, 2006 3:22 PM

» trust79 - is this abuse

I have been married for 20 some odd years. My husband worked away for years. Upon his return, I was to give up all rights to the check book. I could right checks, but had to explain why and if I did not he would rant and raive for days. I went back to school to get a degree. He tried to tell me what the degree had to be in. I tried it his way, but hated the degree he had chosen. I switched degrees. He has told me that I am not smart enough to do the one he thinks I should of done. He has said repeatedly that I lack the ability to take care of his check book. I have my own check book now. He managed to mess his up and when we bought our new home. I had to put him on mine so that he could write checks. His checks where not going to be in on time.

I have left several times because of his behavor. I resently set him down and told him that his behaveor was getting to me. That everytime I spent any money. He went off, that he needed to work harder. He said, he did not see a problem with my behavor however, would need to do something about mine. He has started to complain to his family that I am spending way to much money. I don't go anywhere, I spend only what I Make and today handed him back the second check book asking to take my name off of it. I can do nothing right and am uncapable of knowing how to do my own job. Please help me am I wrong? Is this verbal abuse?

-- posted by trust79