So, What is Abuse?: is this abuse

» Liquidadrenaline - is this abuse

In response to is this abuse posted by RECRUITER1967:

I too can feel for your problem. I left a 28 year marriage last year due to abuse and not only his, but mine as well. My husband was no longer attracted to me sexually and I just could not figure out why. I was so deeply hurt. We last were intimate when I conceived my youngest and he is 22 years old now.

His work was very important to him and took him away for long periods of time and often he worked late into the night. My kids, when they were small, seldom saw their dad and essentially I brought them up myself, in the best way I knew how.

When my husband was home, he never seemed happy unless we were doing what he wanted. He controlled the purse strings and even insisted on grocery shopping, which I later came to realize was controlling.

He bought a sailboat (I am terrified of sailing), he bought a car with a stick-shift, I only drive automatic and finally he bought a motorcycle, which was never something I wanted to do. He told me he was taking care of himself and it was his turn to live, yet he would not leave and still resides in *my* house.

I might add that I have 2 disabled sons and a lot of my time was spent shuffling them between school, doctor's appointements and therapy sessions. My husband attended the meeting(s) at first, and then told them he would no longer join in. Not even for the parent group which I found most helpful, so I did it alone. Prior to my boys being diagnosed, my husband would anger easily when stressed out, after the diagonis, well you know, more verbal abuse ~sighs~.

He would pick on the kids and say horrible things as they grew. Some so horrific that it is almost impossible for me to understand why I stayed and allowed my children to hear such vulgarities. "Let me rip off your head and *hit down your neck" was one of things he said, and other sick statements telling them they are losers and will never amount to anything. I realize he was using them as pawns in his sick and twisted mind.

I stayed because I was trying so hard to fix things, instead it made things worse. When he was nice, he was a warm and a compassionate man. It was like living with two different people.

I found myself getting meaner too. I was beginning to abuse him, verbally. Tit for tat so to speak. But it got worse. I could not even look at him without hurling abuse his way and when I finally could take no more I left and did so because I could not continue to verbally abuse another humanbeing. It is a time in my life that I was ashamed of who I had become.

I left after that 28 year marriage and. He is living in *my* big beautiful house, while I am in a condo. My eldest son is in treatement and does not live at home and my youngest (22 yeard old)lives with my ex and rents out the apartment in the basement. He is refusing to leave for a couple of reasons that are not pertinent to this discussion, but assure you I am worried sick about his refusal to leave.

There you have it. Abuse is a soul zapper, it is not your friend. It took away my hope and dreams for the future and even paid me a visit while I tried it on for size. No, Abuse is the enemy and I need to surround myself with new people, new things and a new outlook. Good luck out there, it's a rat-race.

-- posted by Liquidadrenaline