So, What is Abuse?: Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse

» ididitiamfree - Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse

In response to Re: Re: just understanding the emotional abuse posted by RECRUITER1967:

RECRUTER1967

I have started this response three times. It is hard to know where to start. The shortest and simplest answer is that I drank alot at times, this would give him something to threaten me with that he would take the kids,who are the most important reason for me to live. He would do very neglectful and stupid things and so would his mother when my children were ever in either one of their care. I Stayed because I was afraid that even if he had them every other weekend alone that some thing might happen to them. It was a vicious cycle his verbal and emotional abuse would escalate I would threaten to leave he would threaten to take the kids I would start to back down he would tell me he loved me even read a book or two that I would give him on anger or parenting and seem to try hard, he would say he was sorry and things would be ok for 3-6 months(actually I was always walking on eggshells)then it would slowly degrade into the same pattern. He also worked alot and took a lot of naps then he went to school and worked for four years. During these times I had worked and then quit to stay home when I had my second child.It really started getting bad after that. I ended up being almost a full time caregiver to his Dad who died of cancer and then my Father and then Mother who passed away recently.
That is another reason why I stayed I had people to take care of I never had time for my self, I became some what isolated because he treated me badly in front of others and generally acted like an idiot, I couldn't make freinds.
Now that I am out and even when I was married I know that I am actually a very strong person. Abusers pick on the kind and the strong because we think we can fix things and when you self esteem is low the best parts of your personality can be manipulated and used against you.
I feel stupid for staying so long and I am angry that I wasted so many years but I also have two incredible children who have beautiful hearts and I finished what I started when I decided to care for three people that had no one else. My consience is clear. And I still have some good years left to live.
One thing I now know though is when you decide to leave have a plan get counsling, get a lawyer a,restraining order if you think you need it because my husband went crazy. I am still trying to come to terms with his hateful behavior I am still in shock at how low he got. Part of me still believed that he had some kind of a heart but now I know that there is nothing there, and he will never change. They don't go quietly.
I know this is long and rambling but the past 19 years have been too.

-- posted by ididitiamfree