So, What is Abuse?: Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...

» Tx_Tornado_ - Re: Re: Wow...what a eye-opener...

In response to Re: Wow...what a eye-opener... posted by dragonaa2:

I am new to this discussion thread to forgive me if I do not totally follow the ethics of it.
I was a battered (in more ways than one) along with my two small sons. There is NO way to make them aware of their actions. I tried recording him so he would listen to himself and ended up getting beat up. My children were emotional as well as physical hostages, therefore he did control every instance. I would tell myself he would not kill me *on purpose*, but when he went into a rage (which was daily) I knew he could lose control and kill me. I had no family - he made sure to turn them against me, same things with friends. He got rid of my new car, and also made sure I got fired from an Executive Position at my company - leaving me and my children stranded in an isolated country mobile home. After one year and several attempts to escape, one which he convinced the Judge I was suicidal and they came and took me out of the Crisis Center and admitted me into a Mental Hospital. Others, where he would intervene with my children in school and speak to their counselors about my sexually abusing my children. Child protective services intervened and made it harder on me. However, I was cleared of all. Every night I would pray for the Lord to take my soul in my sleep (for I was raised suicide is not permissable); however, one morning I woke up with the knowledge that I could run. I tried to drag my sons out to run with me, but they were terrified; so I did the unthinkable. I ran 5 miles to the nearest store (no neighbors) and called 911. The Crisis Center put me up in a hotel for the night with the understanding that I would not try to contact my children. Although I had already heard their screams, "Mom, please come back. We need you, please do not leave us", as I hid in the brushes. I still pray for the Lord to forgive me for this action. It took 2 long years, a psychological testing (on him), 6 judges, hearings, and finally court date for a continuous broken protective order. He had been married several times before (I didn't know this) and had battered all of his spouses. None would help because they were terrified of the thought of him coming after them. I FOUGHT!!! I wanted him in jail. I had pictures, I had recorded phone tapes, I had witnesses; and still it took me almost 2 years. I now have a life time protective order for my children, my family, and myself. I since have gotten a degree, found a wonderful man that worships me and has total respect for my children and I. There is life after ABUSE, even though I thought I would prefer to be dead - thank the Lord for giving me strength to RUN... My children have grown up to be great gentle Young Men. One married and in the AirForce (glowing like a full moon), the other married and as gentle and brilliant as I wish I had been. He too is career happy. The youngest Bank Branch Manager in their (banks) history.
I encourage my sons, should they ever need to speak about this - blame me for their horror - seek answers - or just ask "WHY?", they are free to do so, or even if they feel they need to go to counseling to help when they become parents. I will not deny my poor choices, nor will I say "that is the past, get over it"; because I want them to be well rounded adults without question. I can take anything they have to say; I would rather them say it - than act it out. But it has and will continue to be a long road to recovery. For 4 years off and on we lived at shelters; not a very stable environment - but a safe one. I hope this helps. God Bless Us all, but he doesn't give us what we can't handle, as long as we believe in him.

-- posted by Tx_Tornado_