Ambient Abuse

Top 5. May 27, 2004 2:42 PM

» bt48 - Re: Re: We have to open our eyes....

In response to message posted by joannmiller:

I've been in a situation for 2.5 years, evolved to an evening of fighting, where there was police intervention, I went through some of the procedings with this man, only to be told it was my fault, I hit him back, he took a polygraph, it is ridiculous. I can't stand to even hear myself talk about him. I have only researched this topic today, found this website. I do know that if I continue to read these responses, it will only make me stronger. I have been trying to get away from him for 2 years, he stalks me, will lure me even with his children, of which I adore. I have finally taken steps and am talking about it as degrading as it is. I am certain I will escape this madness. Thank you for the insite.

-- posted by bt48

Top 6. Jul 7, 2004 8:44 AM

» kluke42 - Re: Re: We have to open our eyes....

In response to message posted by joannmiller:

Glad my message was a little supportive for you. I have been married to this man for 22 yrs., and he has not changed a whole lot. I am making progress by at least showing I am more aware of the signs and the torment. I am more educated. This is probably a threat to him, because he knows that now I am no longer naive and ignorant. In his case, the family dynamics from his childhood had much to do with how he views women in general. We are meant to be the weaker sex, submissive to the men, and considered inferior. My inner strength and determination has made me able to deal with it better. I still get frustrated, and discouraged, as well as sad. I still have my moments of shedding tears...but it all helps me think clearer in the end. I usually pray for guidance and the wisdom to find the words to make my point. It boils down to a low self worth in him, that he attempts to cover up with a superior attitude, and usually degrading and critical. I struggled with low self esteem for years due to his hurtful and cruel words, and at times physical abuse. To this day, he is yet unable to say he is sorry, or to admit he has a problem. But at least I leave him thinking about my words when I confront him. Hang in there. It is not an easy road. Just don't lose your own identity.

-- posted by kluke42

Top 7. Jul 7, 2004 9:11 AM

» kluke42 - Re: Re: Re: We have to open our eyes....

In response to message posted by bt48:

Dear bt48..as I mentioned in a previous reply, I have been married for 22 yrs. I have left a couple of times, only to return in hopes of reconciliation. Things seem to go okay for awhile, then the same old things start happening again. Survival is the main thing. Be strong while in the situation, but plan to remove yourself when you can. I have learned to deal with many of his ways, and I can handle him much better now. This doesn't mean I am planning to stay necessarily...but I have learned to manage the conflicts differently. His issues lie within his upbringing. He has a low opinion of women in general, and believes they are the weaker sex, and should be inferior and dependant. My education and knowledge has given me the leverage I can use to let him know I am not playing that game. He can be very cruel, but I stand my ground and state my point. I also let him know up front that I am onto his game, and that it will not escalate into a physical altercation, and that if he cannot tell me how he feels without hurting me verbally, emotionally or physically, then he need not continue the conversation. Maintaining a strong conviction, and not allowing him to intimidate me has helped tremendously. He is threatened by my confidence and strength. He still will try anything to get to me...and although he can really hurt me emotionally, I do not allow him to know that. I tell him that he can say all sorts of horrible things to me, but it will not change how I feel about a situation. He may cover up his defeat well, but I know when he walks away, or goes about his daily routine, he is thinking all about what I told him. He would never admit being wrong, or that he has a problem, to anyone...especially to me...but I know the words I choose and my tone of confidence will affect him later on when he is alone and thinking about himself. Hang in there.

-- posted by kluke42

Top 8. Jul 7, 2004 9:24 AM

» kluke42 - Re: need shelter asap

In response to message posted by lostfinding:
Dear lostfinding...I notice this message was back in March....I hope you found somewhere to go. No matter what it takes...you do what you have to in order to stay safe and protect you and your children. God Bless.

-- posted by kluke42

Top 9. Jul 9, 2004 3:49 AM

» mouse44 - Re: Re: need shelter asap

This is my first time in this site. I am struggling with my son, Roberto. He is a young, homosexual man. I spoke with his roommate last night who told me he told him his dad was an FBI agent. He does not think about the future. He gets bills and does not pay them. He does not think he has to pay anyone corporate. He does think that he will need good credit one day. He lies a lot. He doesn't take responsibility for himself. He has had numerous roommates because he won't pay his bills. They end up kicking him out. we pay his rent so he just has to pay the other bills, utilities. He has violent rages. I am so afraid for his future. His roommate who has a psychology degree mentioned this or that he could be bipolar. Someone please help me by giving me more info. Thanks.

-- posted by mouse44

Top 10. Sep 18, 2004 12:02 PM

» punished - Thanks Sam! Re: "Ambient Abuse"

Hi All,
This is *EXACTLY* what I was subject to by the N!!!

Very well written Sam, as usual.
I posted it on our message board, it's right at the top of the page, under the title,
"Abusers and Abusive Relationships".

Hope everyone's been well!?

-- posted by punished

Top 11. Sep 25, 2004 8:04 AM

» samvak - Re: Thanks Sam! Re: "Ambient Abuse"

In response to message posted by punished:

Thank you for your kind words and continued support, Punished.

Sam

-- posted by samvak