18 Year Old Hates Us

» heartbrokenmom - this is killing me

I don't know where to begin. Our son has turned into a little puke! He was always a good kid, never got into trouble, but he has a wicked temper. After he graduated, he started college, and was living in our rental home, a few hours from where we live. He was working part time. Everything was going fine until he met a girl. I'm not saying it's her fault, just that is when he changed. Half way through his first year of college, he dropped out, saying that he had changed his mind, he didn't want to be a cop. We were quite upset about this, but came to realize that he's only human, people change their minds all the time. He then decided that he was going to move in with his girlfriend and her parents for the summer, 12 hours away from us. We tried to talk him out of it, wanting him to stay where he was, and do some growing up, on his own. We argued back and forth until we finally said "fine, go! Just leave the car". He couldn't afford the insurance, which we had been telling him for months that he needed to save up for. We realized that our son has never had to work for anything in his life, and he's never appreciated anything. He left 3 months ago. We had tried calling his cell (which we pay for), leaving messages, emailing him, talking on MSN. The odd time he'd talk to me on MSN but he was always short. I kept asking him, why he wouldn't talk to us. He'd never answer. I asked family members who I knew talked to him on MSN, if they could find out what was wrong. Wow. He is one angry kid. He is telling everyone that we kicked him out on his butt and until his Dad appoligizes he isn't talking to us. So, even though he had nothing to appoligize for, my husband did. He STILL won't talk to us. I sent my son an email, asking why he is acting this way, even after Dad is trying to work things out with him. He replied with a nasty email, saying mean and hurtful things to me. He said he thanks God for his girlfriends parents, because without them helping him he'd be screwed. He told me to stop making assumptions about him and if we weren't careful, we'd push our daughter out of our lives as well. He ended his letter by telling me "screw you and your assumptions". I swear my mouth hit the floor. I can not believe the crap that he had said. I was so hurt. I sat there and cried, reading it over and over, trying to disect his words. We have not tried to contact him since I received that letter 3 weeks ago. We want so much to be able to have a normal relationship with our son, but we know, that we need to distance ourselves from his unreasonable behaviour. We have even thought about taking time off work and make the 12 hour drive up there and try to talk to him, but we know deep down inside that would probably backfire and blow up in our faces. My heart is broken, how do I get through this?

-- posted by heartbrokenmom

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» johncblacker - this is killing me

In response to this is killing me posted by heartbrokenmom:

You son is manipulating you BIG TIME! He knows what buttons to push and is playing you like a fiddle. His comment about his girlfriends parents is intended to make you feel guilty. He's found someone else to manipulate and sooner rather than later he will use them up too. Don't give in. For some reason many of todays teenagers and young adults feel that the world owes them a free ride! I have discussed this with many parents who make the same comment before I even get my chance. Listening to all the gobbleygook that so-called experts spew about the difficulties being a teenager in todays world would have you believe that they are entitled to special treatment - NOT! I believe they need to get out into the world and experience first-hand just what their parents have to deal with on a day-to-day basis - like paying for what they want, etc. It's not pleasant "losing" a child. But agonizing over what you cannot change isn't going to make your life anything but worse. Let him go! I love the comment made in the movie Major Payne: "pop the titty out of his mouth" it's so true!

-- posted by johncblacker

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