Love in the trees

» arizonan - WHAT IS TOM BOMBADIL

I have always assumed that Tom Bombadil is one of the Maiar, perhaps one of the less powerful ones, perhaps not. I never thought much more about him until reading this article. Reading it, however, prompts me to engage in wild, unsupported speculation. Perhaps, thousands of years before Frodo's time, The-Maia-Who-Later-Came-To-Be-Known-As-Tom decided that he no longer cared much for the power struggle between Manwe and Melkor, and that he was "dropping out". In some ways, history's first hippie. Perhaps this is one of the things that contributed to LOTR's enormous popularity among 1960's counter-culture folks (I'm definitely not a hippie, so I can't say for sure).

As to the comparison of Tom's anGoldberry's's relationship to that of thEntsts anEntwiveses, this is a good example oTolkien's's unintentional use of allegory. Many of my fellow Christians try very hard to find a "message" in LOTR. It almost seems that they feel guilty about liking the books, and are trying to justify themselves. I stand firm in my conviction thaTolkienen never intended the books to be anything other than entertainment. BUT, becausTolkienen was a devoted Christian, and because his faith so permeated hiworldviewew, he couldn't help giving his writing a bit of Christian "coloring". ITolkien's's mind, a man and wife who love each other, sacrifice for each other, and who are committed to their marriage cannot help but have a happy marriage. Conversely, a couple who do not make time for each other, do not care about each other's interests, and do not communicate have absolutely no hope for happiness and are doomed to destruction. I do not believe thaTolkienen intended us to read the book and say, "Gosh, I need to be more like ToBombadilil!". But to his way of thinking, the story would not have made any sense if he had written any other way.

-- posted by arizonan

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» LovesBeren - Re:

This response is more of an affirmation rather than a response on your article Love in The Trees. I think I asked about the enigmatic Tom and The Ents in December...I don't know if this was in the works, but thanks. Great article!

You entice us with the first two words “Tom Bombadil,” and then give us on a remarkable perceptive on marriage. Everything you (from Tolkien) said about marriage is true from my perspective. Being married for almost 19 years and seeing many marriages that are happy, unhappy or ultimately end up in divorce supports that view. Although I’ve never read the book (self-help books drive me nuts) Women Are from Venus and Men Are from Mars , I would agree with premise.

Men seem to be drawn to a “girlish” and fun-loving quality, but aren’t at all attracted to immaturity and silliness. They like women who are confident in themselves, but not fiercely independent. Men need to feel the freedom to do what they love to do (hunting, fishing, or golf…) without the guilt of their wife making them feel they are choosing an activity over their wife. You were quick to point out that Tom Bombadil still liked the manly activities, but his heart still echoed, “Goldberry’s awaiting.” He enjoyed the outdoors, but didn’t want to be gone too long. Hmmm...what was her secret? You are right about the sensual aspect. She kept him captivated enough over the years, didn’t she? I also hesitate to say it, but men also want other men to see a glimpse of what they find attractive about their wife, but for other men to see she that is unattainable to anyone but him. The negative manifestation of this is the “trophy wife.”

Men want to be the head of the household. They don’t, however, want to make the all of the decisions alone. I think the line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding sums it up well,

“The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck”(that turns the head). perenethsis added...

Although it is not directly implied in LoTR, I think Goldberry and Tom did talk about concerns he had. It might have happened in private, but she was not unaware of all that was going on around her. She just had confidence that Tom would take care of things. I bet he even asked her for woman’s intuition on things.

Men also feel it is their duty to protect the home, and usually want women to oversee the details of the home. Wealthy women take charge of the servants attending to every detail. (Proverbs 31 ideal) Those of us with less take charge by optimizing our time and efforts at home by focusing on the most urgent and pressing needs (such as making sure the “whites” are done before Monday morning when everyone is clamoring for socks to wear). If women have other responsibilities outside the home whether by choice or necessity, they should expect assistance and get it or everything above gets out of balance. (not tonight honey… I’m too exhausted… is what is first to go by the wayside) – Sorry, I know I went too far on that one.

Part of what tends to break-up marriages is inablitity to recognize what's ruining the relationship or plain ambivalence the person/relationship. (sort of like the Titantic) The Ents and Entwives were selfishly independent and complacent with their relationship. Each refused to see the each other’s needs. Instead of recognizing that the other had needs, they resolved to do what thought made them happiest. Instead, they became empty, lost, and mournful. They were no longer fruitful. They were parents that were no longer in relationship. Alas, some of the progeny went “bad.”

I hope I haven’t offended anyone with this reply. I am certainly would not advocate sticking with an abusive spouse. But all things being equal, if both man and wife want to remain man and wife, they have to understand the “glue” that keeps good marriages together. Hey, maybe I should write one of those self-help books. LOL!

Have we gone too far in interpreting what Tolkien wanted us to see with Tom, Goldberry, The Ents, and Entwifes? I don’t think so either. It certainly speaks applicability to me!

LovesBeren (Sarah)!

-- posted by LovesBeren

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