Great Marraige
- Dan_Ellsworth
- Marella
- ryoungs36
- Ernestgary
- MISS57DARTS
- teddy4kiss
- abbott81
- abbott81
- uncertain
- dj7737
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» Dan_Ellsworth - Re: I'd be interested...
In response to message posted by Marella:I think I've heard that early-start marriages fare worse statistically. It could be that the period of taking care of yourself helps. Dad was within a month of 32 when he got married, and was a devoted husband and father. Mom was 27, having worked in an orphanage and taught at two country schools, so she was very ready. I was 23 and a large fraction at marriage; Judy just short of 23. I'm not sure what statistical group that puts us in, but married 34 years, through storms and sunshine.
Older marriages CAN have a different kind of problem, with people having made their adjustments to life, and not wanting to rebuild their habits. So a lot is how you go into it.
A young marriage CAN have the asset of the "kids" KNOWING there's a lot they don't know, and they will have to learn it and make adjustments. So age is not a guarantee of a sound marriage; nor does youth doom you to a bad one.
But yes, I think, on balance, age helps.
-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth
» Marella - Re: Re: I'd be interested...
I think you're right - older couples COULD be more stuck in separate ruts, so to speak, and not willing to compromise, while younger couples might be more open to change. But I think, looking back on my own life, that I would have had a much harder time adjusting to marriage when I was fresh out of college. A few years of "learning the ropes" of jobs, finances, etc. as a single was definitely a plus for me.Also, I'm more aware of what I'm like when I'm angry, what makes me angry, what I like, what I don't like, etc., and better at knowing how to say things in more of a "let's talk" than a "I'm attacking you" fashion.
Age does bring some nuggets of wisdom, at least!
-- posted by Marella
» ryoungs36 - marraige as a Christian
I am working on being obedient to God and struggle with communication with my wife. I would like communicate without the tv being on. I am in a battle for purity and don't want tv images in my head. My wife thinks I'm a pervert and being legalistic. She is a Christian, but likes the tv on for more light purposes. We are both struggling with numbness and giving up. I have suggested that she come to a counselor with me, but she won't. Is there anything more I can do. I am praying for a miracle as one is needed at this point.-- posted by ryoungs36
» Ernestgary - Re: marraige as a Christian
In response to message posted by ryoungs36:Man, the miracle is in you. Yes she is your wife but your convictions are just that. Your convictions. wear ear plugs or change the channel to Christian TV. This isn't a big issue when you think about it. sweating the small stuff gets on women's nerves. Bill Cosby said "sometimes it's best to through both hands up!" I pray your strength in the Lord. You'll be just fine:-)
-- posted by Ernestgary
» MISS57DARTS - Re: I need help from experienced couples!
I REALLY BELIEVE IT'S THE NEWLY-WED JITTERS. WE MAKE THE MISTAKE OF TRYING TO CARBON COPY THE JONES RELATIONSHIP. BELIEVE ME, I WANTED A DIVORCE EVERYDAY AFTER MY WEDDING IN MAY OF 2001.U JUST HAVE TO KEEP YOUR LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN.GO FOR DINNER ALONE WITH HIM AND TELL HIM IN A LOVING MANNER HOW HIS BEHAVIOR IS MAKING YOU FEEL OR WHATEVER IS BOTHERING YOU, THEN TOAST TO BETTER DAYS.THERE IS NO GUIDE BOOK FOR THE PERFECT MARRAIGE,IF THERE WAS, THE WORD DIVORCE WOULDN'T EXIST. ALSO STAY PRAYED UP!!!!!!-- posted by MISS57DARTS
» teddy4kiss - Re: marraige as a Christian
In response to message posted by ryoungs36:It is possible that she doesn't really want to hear, what you have to say. That is why, she has the t.v. on, to distract her??? I know this is quite blunt but I have a daughter that rambles on forever and when she talks to me. I have to have something else, on to listen to, at the same time because if I don't. I will get frustrated because she goes on, and on , about the same thing over and over again, like I don't hear her. when I do hear her she just thinks I don't ,because I ask her different questions in another way than the way she thinks I should.
But I do love her and I do care about what she has to say . I just cannot sit there and stare at her and talk with her beacuse then I start looking around for something to turn on .
I guess what I am asking is do you ramble on? Is there a reason for her to need another thing to listen to in the room or is it she doesn't like silence??
I also believe that all things are possible to those who believe in Jesus Christ , so I will pray that you and your wife will be open to attending a marraige encounter week-end (it is non-denominational given by the luthern and the methodist churches) go to Marraige Encounter .org
and sign up for one they helped my marriage alot in the communication areas. I will keep you in our prayers for strength also!!!
-- posted by teddy4kiss
» abbott81 - Re: Re: Re: I'd be interested...
My husband and I just got married May 24th. I am eighteen and he is nineteen. Our problem in our arguments seems to be that we react to eachother feeling attacked. I realize when we have these arguments that our age and inexperience has much to do with it. But, I was wondering how we could overcome this "attacking" problem. Also, he tells me that I get an attitude in my voice which causes him to react negatively, when I didn't feel the least bit aggravated until he reacted to my voice. (A problem within that problem is reacting to eachother in this way. That just takes time and effort.) I wish I could hear myself one of these times to understand, but even when I make a conscious effort to watch how I say something, he hears an attitude. I don't understand it. Perhaps it's something for a third party to pick apart in both of us.-- posted by abbott81
» abbott81 - Re: marraige as a Christian
I'm not too sure I understand your entire situation, however, I do know that a cure for your numbness and hopelessness is the Word of God. From a Christian to a Christian this may seem sort of cliche, but it's true. God is a God of hope. He's the one who can provide it. Jesus is the Word. Through the Bible you can find hope, strength and clarity. Your convictions are nothing to compromise or give up on. But don't get tunnel vision and assume your wife is wrong. That's where communication stops. The way it sounds is that you two need to listen to eachother. BOTH OF YOU. My husband and I struggle a lot with this. My downfall is the tunnel vision. Be still and know that He is God who formed a union between you two; then step back and reevaluate your situation with a Bible study and some prayer to bring you clarity of judgement and view. You don't need a miracle in the sense that people use the word these days. You need God. And remember that there are three of you in your marraige, not two.-- posted by abbott81
» uncertain - Re: marraige as a Christian
In response to message posted by ryoungs36:I can understand trying to be obedient to God. I don't understand why your wife thinks you're a pervert for it. God has said, 'ask and it shall be given' You need to really decide what you want and hold that image in your head like it's already happened. Don't waver from it no matter what people say, in fact, you don't need to tell anyone else, just God. Keep in mind though that sometimes what we ask for isn't exactly as we see it ourselves. Keep praying and you will be answered when the time is right. Our job is to be ready for it whatever 'it' may be. Sounds like she is trying to avoid talking about things by using the excuse of keeping the tv on for light. For light? Buy her another lamp. Maybe you need to examine what you're saying to her and how it's being said. Are you coming on too strong without realising it because you want her to have the same joy of life you have? Show her by example. Treat things as though they are already going great. Most women are curious in nature so you need to peek hers. Just go about your day and talk to her every chance you get, between commercials if need be, but make it positive. I think eventually she'll come round and see how wonderful it is to have someone who wants to get to know you better and learn to grow together. Remember, God sets curves in the road. Don't be discouraged just trust in Him and you will be alright.
-- posted by uncertain
» dj7737 - problems in marriage
my husband and I have been married for 3 years, together for 6. We have two children 4 and 2. We have a substantial age difference he is 43 and I am 27. He was never very good at communication, however things were fine until last year when I went back to school (with his approval). He is very jealous and unsupporive he never asks me how things are going with me. When I'm sick he doesn't offer to help or anything. when I try to talk to him most of the time he doesn't listen or walks away and he is very moody and his negative moods really affect me. He talks about leaving me because he thinks I don't sleep with him enough. I tell him that we need to work on improving our relationship before we can improve our sex life. He makes an effort for a day or two and then resumes his previous ways. I feel alienated, unsupported and unappreciated. I was hoping that someone could offer me some suggestions or advice. Thank-you-- posted by dj7737
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