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» Dan_Ellsworth - Couple decisions

Once again, you bring up an important area. I remember Judy and me thinking about "couple decisions" -- partly because we were making a presentation on the subject to a couples group. If neither person feels out-talked, snowed, confused, fearful, pressured, or ignored in a decision, the result is a couple decision, good for the relationship and often the quality of the decision itself.

Solo decisions are in some ways efficient, and if made by the best qualified, probably sound decisions by strictly objective criteria. However, an objectively-best decision might not be the best you can do, if somebody is uncomfortable with it.

Couple decisions are high-overhead, but potentially the best decisions where both objective and personal criteria are considered. High overhead, high quality - and with positive side-effects for the relationship.

Solo decisions: Low overhead, possibly uncomfortable to either the decision-maker or the other.

One way to resolve this is to make a couple decision to leave certain things as solo decisions for one or the other. But be sure it's a true and current couple decision. Then you get reasonable efficiency and couple involvement.

Yes, as long as Judy likes making most of the interior-decorating decisions, I'm a happy man. Time enough for a couple decision when we eat out.

-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth

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» WyndeRiter - Re: Couple decisions

In response to message posted by Dan_Ellsworth:

I agree on this one, the hard part is deciding WHO will be the solo decision maker in certain circumstances. There are some easy ones, such as: hubby is the one that drives so he gets to decide where we go grocery shopping, but since I do the majority (about 98%) of the cooking I get to decide what we buy.


There are tougher ones though, ones that drive me buggy, subtle ones that come up especially around the holidays. For example: I prefer a subdued Xmas: 19th Century down to the rich fabrics and old-fashioned Santa Claus. Hubby wants what I could best describe as "tacky" (think singing Santas and glowing snowmen). I guess people get very emotional when it comes to the holidays but we've tried comprimising and well...it looks tackier than the original just plain "tacky". So...we've come up with a comprimise of sorts: he gets to do the outside, while I get the inside. While I want to scream when I see the lawn (LOL) inside is a safe haven for me and we're both happy.

-- posted by WyndeRiter

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