The Mind of the Abuser: I'm back..still reading and learning...

» ruby43 - I'm back..still reading and learning...

I am finding myself drawn in to researching this subject - the "trust issue" somewhere in very young childhood, between the abuser and his mother. The independence they want, but still needing to be dependent...but somewhere that trust is not fulfilled. The ability to move forward into the next stage of development in a healthy way is impaired. There is for some reason an emotional dissociation either from the mother not meeting his needs appropriately, or his ability to separate the "good mother", who meets his needs, from the "bad mother", who ignores him, or neglects him, or doesn't come when he needs something. The two views of mother, come together as the child gets older, but if they do not...it lies dormant, until he gets into an intimate relationship, then it all comes out. I found this very interesting. It doesn't excuse what he did to me, but it does help me understand. I only wish he would be willing to do the same and deal with it, if that in fact is an issue. Knowing his mother and his family dynamics, I would not be surprised if this has a lot to do with his anger, and his need to control me. Supposedly I was the closest thing to that relationship he had, and he is trying, through me, to resolve or deal with past issues from childhood. Of course, I cannot say for sure, as I am not a Psychologist, and I do not by any means want to seem like I know what's going on...but I am intrigued. Last I heard from my lawyer,(we are in the middle of a divorce), he is still denying the domestic violence...even though I have police report and pictures. I have a hard time with this. One of the ways I am dealing with this, is by educating myself, so I can move on with my life. Thanks for taking interest in my posts. Hope I am not boring anyone.

-- posted by ruby43