Need Advice: Re: Discipline

» joyfulplace - Re: Discipline

In response to message posted by KevinMiller:

Hi Kevin
The answers you have got have good suggestions. I will only add some thoughts. It seems we need to look at this from the child's viewpoint. Sounds like he is having a hard time with school in general and perhaps with some things in particular. And I would have a conference (not in confrontational manner) with the teacher, after building a good relationship with him/her to find out how the situation is handled in the classroom. HOw does the teacher respond to the child's behaviour? What has he/she tried? Did it work or not? The child may be trying to get some attention from the teacher when he is having a hard time with something and the teacher is nor recognizing this or is not able to respond appropriately,e.g. too busy with too many children, is frustrated and impatient with the child's attempts to get help, etc.
There is a lot more to find out here.What is the child dealing with at home? Is there a change in situation at home that has triggered such response in the child; something he cannot cope with.Is the behaviour the same at home? If not then there is a trigger in the school. You will have to take some time and listen to the child to find out what it is. It is hard for them to verbalise it in a way that is easy for us to understand, and it could be something we think is insignifcant but isn't to them, but with enough listening and observation we could figure out what is happening for the child.
In more cases than not when children act out like this they are struggling to deal with an emotional issue.
So, without knowing enough of the situation I would examine the environment to see if there is something triggering this reaction-
adjustment to preschool/schedule.
difficulty socialising with many other children all at once.
reaction to some pattern that teacher has, that he is not accostomed to,
missing home and parents,etc.
Then I would examine the child's patterns- diet, energy levels, sleep habits may have changed for school, etc.
And then look at how the adults are responding to this- could be creating a vicious cycle by being harsh and invalidating and therefore emotionally abandoning the child when he asking for help.
It is important however to interrupt the developing pattern of aggressiveness while trying to support the child to deal with it. Make sure the methods of stopping the behaviour are appropriate for a 3-year old, e.g firmly but lovingly get in his way when he is acting out,e.g. move him from the situation, hold him while he experiences the difficult emotions and releases them, all the while telling him in a non-critical tone that it is not okay to hurt himself or some one else.
There is always a lot more to this than meets the eye. It takes time and patience to support the child.And the behaviour may not be in direct reaction to what we can see in the environment.
Hope this helps. Good luck
Marilyn

-- posted by joyfulplace