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Need Advice
This archived discussion is "read only".
» KevinMiller - Discipline Help! Every time I go to pick up my three-year-old son from preschool I cringe. More often than not, his teacher reports that he’s misbehaved in one way or another. He either has a hard time sharing, won’t follow directions or worse yet, bites another child ----ugh! I’ve read a number of “child” rearing books on discipline, but nothing seems to be working. Any advice out there?-- posted by KevinMiller
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Hmm! "if someone wants to play with me I will be happy about that Call it hypnotism if you will - but - handled gently and appropriately it works wonders. This is more for the calming effect than any other aspect. I take the kids on guided imagery walks (imaginary) and set the scene for their drawing and painting and then say "and when you feel me place my hand gently on your forehead you know it is time to get up peacefully and go to the drawing table." I then gently get them up one by one when I can see they are really settled. This calms the entire class at least for a while. They are empowered about their artistic ability as well it has an overall positive effect. Darlene Cheeky is the right person to go to if you have ethical concerns with gentle suggestive hypnosis - she is spiritual in her advice. This course would help you. (I believe.) I would be interested in feedback? I guess I am saying that you can't really get the teacher to do that (because maybe they don't know how or don't believe in that as a technique)but you could do an aweful lot by taking this approach yourself. Rather than the discipline approach, which although necessary at times only causes stress for all concerned more often than not. ? I think. Happy Easter. <img src="http://www.suite101.com/files/topics/517..." width=110 height=91.4>Big Stay happy and gentle, Jo -- posted by Jo Murphy » biogardener - Know your child You know your child and should be able to tell why he is behaving this way.I am a mother and I have also been a teacher all my life. I know what it feels like to be in both roles. The first thing to do is to establish a respectful relationship with the teacher. Here are some of the things I have done as a mother for that purpose: The reason I did those things is because as a teacher I knew that they work miracles. After that I would ask the teacher what she thinks is the child's problem and what she thinks I can do about it. If the preschool teacher were asking the question, I would write a totally different answer. She isn't the one asking, though. You are, so I am telling you what you can do. There is no sense in me telling you what the teacher should be doing. -- posted by biogardener
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Yes I tend to agree with Traute. -- posted by Jo Murphy » joyfulplace - Re: Discipline In response to message posted by KevinMiller:Hi Kevin The answers you have got have good suggestions. I will only add some thoughts. It seems we need to look at this from the child's viewpoint. Sounds like he is having a hard time with school in general and perhaps with some things in particular. And I would have a conference (not in confrontational manner) with the teacher, after building a good relationship with him/her to find out how the situation is handled in the classroom. HOw does the teacher respond to the child's behaviour? What has he/she tried? Did it work or not? The child may be trying to get some attention from the teacher when he is having a hard time with something and the teacher is nor recognizing this or is not able to respond appropriately,e.g. too busy with too many children, is frustrated and impatient with the child's attempts to get help, etc. There is a lot more to find out here.What is the child dealing with at home? Is there a change in situation at home that has triggered such response in the child; something he cannot cope with.Is the behaviour the same at home? If not then there is a trigger in the school. You will have to take some time and listen to the child to find out what it is. It is hard for them to verbalise it in a way that is easy for us to understand, and it could be something we think is insignifcant but isn't to them, but with enough listening and observation we could figure out what is happening for the child. In more cases than not when children act out like this they are struggling to deal with an emotional issue. So, without knowing enough of the situation I would examine the environment to see if there is something triggering this reaction- adjustment to preschool/schedule. difficulty socialising with many other children all at once. reaction to some pattern that teacher has, that he is not accostomed to, missing home and parents,etc. Then I would examine the child's patterns- diet, energy levels, sleep habits may have changed for school, etc. And then look at how the adults are responding to this- could be creating a vicious cycle by being harsh and invalidating and therefore emotionally abandoning the child when he asking for help. It is important however to interrupt the developing pattern of aggressiveness while trying to support the child to deal with it. Make sure the methods of stopping the behaviour are appropriate for a 3-year old, e.g firmly but lovingly get in his way when he is acting out,e.g. move him from the situation, hold him while he experiences the difficult emotions and releases them, all the while telling him in a non-critical tone that it is not okay to hurt himself or some one else. There is always a lot more to this than meets the eye. It takes time and patience to support the child.And the behaviour may not be in direct reaction to what we can see in the environment. Hope this helps. Good luck Marilyn -- posted by joyfulplace » emilydobson - Re: Discipline In response to message posted by KevinMiller:Hi Kevin - I’ve got a suggestion that may help with your son's behavior issues. I went through the same sort of thing with my 3 year old. I used to have to watch him like a hawk every time he played with other children, for fear that his aggressive behavior would make them cry. Playdates would usually turn into nightmares with him biting, pushing or throwing sand at others, and then having a tantrum when I'd try to remove him from the scene. So, I got online to find some answers on proper ways to handle his behavior issues. I found a site called www.timeouttot.com, which changed my son’s life (and mine too)! This site talks about a DVD called TimeOut Tot, who happens to be a chipmunk that teaches children right from wrong through fun songs and short little lessons. It's amazing how much my son loves getting advice from it. Its really made an improvement in how he behaves at recess and with the other kids. I think Tot’s approach to showing kids right and wrong behavior through role-playing is what made it click for my little guy. He had to see what he looked like when he misbehaved, and then be shown what to do next time. I honestly can say, having playdates no longer gives me a major headache... we actually have fun now! -- posted by emilydobson » biogardener - Progress? I hope that Kevin will be back to report on any progress which he may have made in communicating with the school. Too often the person seeking advice does not bother reporting back. I find that rather discouraging after we try our best to help.-- posted by biogardener
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Jo Murphy
