Get Over It

» goddess77 - Boyfriend's obsession with his ex

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years a couple weeks ago and moved out. I miss him and still have strong feelings for him, but almost more than that I am still haunted by his past. He had a kid with an ex-girlfriend about a year before we started going out. They broke up before the little girl was born and she made him sign a parental recission form.

Ever since I found out about his kid, he has ranted on and on to me about how he hates his ex-girlfriend and wants revenge and wants to know her life is miserable (although he has not taken any actual steps to do anything about it). He has also given me intimate details of their relationship and their sex life, including showing me pictures of them having sex and the passionate love letters she wrote to him. One time while we were laying in bed together talking, he said something about my having had an epidural, but I have never had a kid. He was thinking I was his ex while he was laying in bed with me!! He also told me during a fight once that I am not half the woman she is.

The jealousy over all this tore me up while we were together. It brought out the worst in me. He told me he didn't love her anymore and he hated her because she treated him badly while they were together, and then wouldn't let him see his daughter, but I can't help but think he is so angry and bitter because he still loves her and wishes he was still with her! He would just yell at me back that I was just jealous and upset because my father loved my sister more than me and that I'd never be the first one in his life to have his child.

I really tried to be compassionate and understand that it was traumatic for him to be kept from his daughter. But from hearing the things he said it didn’t seem like that was what was really bothering him. It seemed more about his ex than about his daughter. After all, if he really wanted to see his daughter I’m sure there are ways of doing it even if the mother might make it a bit difficult.

Part of the reason I wanted to break up with him was to free myself of the torment of thinking of his ex and thinking that he has loved her all the time he has been with me. I can’t get the images out of my mind or the things he has said about her. I have this image that they had an extremely passionate love that he just can’t get over. I guess I’m taking it personally because I feel if he loved me and enjoyed being with me he would have forgotten all about her. Now we are broken up and it is still haunting me. What does it all mean? Does his obsession with her mean he still wants her? How can I get beyond this??

-- posted by goddess77

Permalink Print Discussion Join the latest discussions