Too Much love?: too much spray or mites?

» LindaRoselover - too much spray or mites?

I think I am the pest in my garden. Here's how it started: My roses have a serious spider mite problem in which I have used: Volck oil spray, Diazanon, "Bayer rose and flower spray" and recently Neem oil (from Greenlight, I believe). The insecticides either do not kill the mights or burn my leaves severely. Now, the infected leaves (mite injured but pest free or newly infested) are dropping like flies I just brush the plants and the leaves drop right off! The only plants unaffected are new ones, a Taboo, a Dream Weaver and an unknown old red rose.
I believe they are dropping leaves because either the mites or my many sprays....
To add insult to injury, the deciduous trees that were not as big when I started the garden are now in their full leaf glory and partially shading the roses. (<--which might not be a bad idea since I live on the Mississippi gulf coast). I'm thinking that the roses are having a difficult time re-growing leaves as a result. They do get more light when the sun is at it's higher summertime angle. I'm OK with small sporadic blooms because of shade, but complete defoliation because of mites/spray is a pitiful sight to see!
I also spray for fungal diseases with Rosepride which seems to work well, but deforms/curls the leaves. But I have no blackspot
My questions are: is there a dependable miticide which will not burn or cause leaf drop? I have considered Napalm (lol).What should I do for the roses to promote new leaf growth? Is there a recommended spray for fungi that doesn't deform new leaves?
I'm praying that I don't lose my babies to this and it's very depressing to walk out and see sticks with flower buds on them.
Thank you for any information and advice,
Sincerely,
Linda

-- posted by LindaRoselover