CATHOLIC DICTIONARY

» H2O - humorous!

This came my way and I thought your readers would enjoy it.

CATHOLIC DICTIONARY

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the
congregation to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves
higher than that of the congregation's range.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found
colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics
can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph
wasn't covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that
holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass,
consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking
for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of
Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more
quietly, since most of the people have already left.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually
know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given
by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating
capacity of a pew.

-- posted by H2O

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» CatherineA6 - Re: humorous!

Modernist to Catholic Dictionary from a trad site

-- posted by CatherineA6

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