Can Recovered Memories Be Trusted? : Re: Re: They do happen

» scattered - Re: Re: They do happen

In response to message posted by svali:

well, here i am, going off the deep end..i have chronic nightmares..had recurring ones for ages, until i told of them, and then things fell into place and i don't get them as much,(about people and places) but many with the same themes i still have constantly..i'm always bleeding vaginally and rectally and i'm covered with dirt and urine and feces..really pleasant...doesn't matter where i go, i end up looking like that..or i'm stuck in places i don't want to be and can't get out and people are laughing at me and i tell them this is all a dream and they all call me by name and tell me it's not a dream.

i'd like to know how come when i finally choose to believe what has happened to me and does happen to me now, it's like an instantaneous switch..i acknowledge something and then i take it back and start putting myself down, calling myself crazy..sick, stupid, a moron..on and on..

and if that is not bad enough..i will berate myself for telling such lies..they are not true..i'm sick..i can hear this person in me directing me and yelling at me and i feel like such scum and vow to never speak again..so if they are lies, then why does this cycle keep going on and on with me??? is this a sick mind? TELL ME SOMEONE TELL ME!! I am sorry, i'm so damn frustrated to live like this!! I want to keep my mouth shut and just get on with my life, but why does this keep coming up? then i think i will go crazy if i don't get it all out and get help, but then switch, there i am again belittling myself, degrading myself, discrediting myself...you know, i can't keep going on like this and i don't have a clue how to stop this!!

z

-- posted by scattered