Indestructible Boy
- Monet6874
- Dan_Ellsworth
- Monet6874
- Dan_Ellsworth
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» Monet6874 - Indestructible Boy
My son thinks he is indestructible and I am having a hard time understanding it. I was watching Oprah (Child Dangers Every Parent Should Know About)and my son thinks that he can escape every possible situation. (ex. a dog escape and is chasing him, he would say that he can run faster than the dog and the dog CAN'T catch him.) Sometimes I think that he watches to much cartoons because they are so unrealistic. Could that be his problem or is it mine? Because I don't know how talk to him without getting upset about what he said, it is like talking without thinking! He seems so sure of himself that every situation works to his advantage. Please Help!-- posted by Monet6874
» Dan_Ellsworth - Re: Indestructible Boy
In response to message posted by Monet6874:I'm not the "regular" here; I'm a man with three sons, ages 26 and older, thus "rusty" but with possibly relevant memories and thoughts.
First, how old is the child? It's hard to imagine the situation without an approximate age. As an extreme example, if the boy is in college, doing self-destructive things and talking the rhetoric of indestructibility, then it could be deadly dangerous. A three-year-old, I'm just not sure; I'm untrained with no recent experience.
Second, is fear a factor? It's a "guy thing" (even sometimes for kids, I think) to talk tough when you're terrified. Maybe if there are fears and you help ease them, there will be less need for "indestructible" talk.
Third, how well can the boy distinguish fantasy from reality? I myself can talk the language of unlimited personal power [Dan levitates before your eyes, as a soapbox appears under him and his arm muscles bulge impressively before your eyes.] -- but it's a known fantasy. Some kids can TALK a good superhero game without fooling themselves.
I'm not sure if cartoons are necessarily a problem. If you have a chance, you might even make the fantasy/reality distinction commenting on the cartoons. "Now, that's just silly! You can't make a hole in a cliff just by painting it there." "If you or I fell off a cliff like that, we wouldn't feel pain like that; we'd be entirely dead forever and couldn't feel a thing."
These are non-expert comments, just to get things started. Maybe others can help.
-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth
» Monet6874 - Re: Re: Indestructible Boy
In response to message posted by Dan_Ellsworth:First thank you for your response, second sorry it took so long to respond, I am not a regular there either. Wanted to get some advise and you are the only one that responded, so thank you again. My son is 8 yrs old. I don't think fear is a factor because of the things that he said while watching the show. Oprah and a woman (whose child had died from falling out a two story window at home) were talking and the woman said that her son fell out the window onto the concrete he survive for a while then died from complilcations of head injuries. My son said that there would be a pillow outside of the window, now that comment just makes me angry , and I have to tell him how long do you think that the pillow is going to be outside the window before someone moves it? I mean it is just simple things but hard to understand why he thinks that nothing can happen to him? Not sure how well he can distinguish fantasy form reality because nothing to that extent has happened yet. Thank you again for your response, time and consideration.
-- posted by Monet6874
» Dan_Ellsworth - Re3: Indestructible Boy
In response to message posted by Monet6874:Thank you for e-mailing me; I'll excerpt from my reply in case anyone else is watching but not "talking":
Rather than *wondering* whether the boy believes that [pillow] stuff, you just tell him what *you* believe and know. "From that height, a pillow wouldn't be that much help." "I'm [x] years old, and I've heard of kids falling, but never, never heard of a pillow being there -- not that it would help." "If you hit the pillow, you'd still be hurt really badly, and you might miss anyway." "Don't believe everything you see in the [movies, cartoons]; they can make it look like something happened even if it's impossible."
You've identified a key question, "...distinguish fantasy from reality...", and that might be the advantage of the fact-loaded approach. If you just talk as if he believes the fantasy, as illustrated above, one of two things should happen: (1) If your son believes the fantasy, at least, you are talking directly to what he's thinking, and correcting his world-view as well as you can. (2) If he can distinguish fantasy from reality, your repeated words should eventually get a reaction like, "Ma-a [two syllables], geez, whaddya think I am, stupid? I wouldn't really do that. I was just talking. Aw, you're no fun." At that point, just shrug off the scorn and be relieved.
Whether there is some trusted adviser (wise relative, pastor, experienced-parent friend, psychologist) who should be called in, I don't know. If it begins to look like a near-emergency situation, yes, don't be proud, call in at least one adviser.
I think well of you for asking for help. Think well of yourself, and do the best you can. I'm truly "rusty" on how 8-year-olds think. My youngest is 26.
-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth
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