WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR TWINS START SEPARATING IN ABILITY???

» Zanzi - Great message

I think, as parents, the best we can ever do is praise our children for what they do good, help them to figure out how to do what they can’t do better and let them know that we love them unconditionally – no matter what they do or don’t do.

I never realized the razor-thin line parents of twins must walk while seeking to validate their children's emerging personalities and gifts, while at the same time keeping all things equal and devoid of favoritism and resentment. Your last statement is one that should be heeded by any parent...to love your child(ren) unconditionally!

-- posted by Zanzi

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» carrot - Re: Great message

In response to message posted by Zanzi:

Thank you for your kind words - it is a thin line when you are trying to keep things equal - but I think I'm doing ok at it. It's also a very hard thing to love your child unconditionally - no matter what. That, I believe, one of the hardest (and easiest) things parents can do.

-- posted by carrot

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» biogardener - An Example

Here is an example from my experience as a teacher as to what can help.

On my very first day of teaching, I was faced with the task of separating about 76 grade III children into two classrooms. I figured that it would be best to go down the alphabetical listing and put every other pupil into the other room. That is how two twin boys got separated for the first time in their lives. They had done everything together from the day they were born. One of the two was considerably more intelligent, and he had taken care of his brother, helping him along with his school work. The other brother enjoyed having someone else do most of the thinking and decision-making for him. The parents were not happy about it, because they were wondering what would happen when they grew up and would have to lead separate lives.

The mother shared with me that the separation of the two was the best thing which ever happened to them. The other boy was forced for the first time in his life to find a way of doing his work for himself, and it turned out that he was not nearly as slow as he had appeared to be. He just needed to be placed into a situation where he had to prove himself.

The smarter boy for the first time was able to concentrate on the things which he really wanted to do rather than have to worry about his brother all the time.

So in this case the separation of the twins helped each one to realize his potential.

-- posted by biogardener

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» carrot - Re: An Example

In response to message posted by biogardener:

Good story - reminds me of why we separated our twins in pre-school (I wrote about that earlier). I have a friend who separated her girl twins finally this year (6th grade), because she is worried about what is going to happen to them next year in middle school where they will be separated even if they don't want to. Just have to always remember that they are separate individuals and they need to have separate lives.

It's a lifetime of interesting stories .... more to come.

-- posted by carrot

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» mawissacon - Re: Re: An Example

In response to Re: An Example posted by carrot:

From the moment that my girls moved in the womb, it was obvious that they were different people. Then when they were born, I new exactly who they were. I was intent on them being individuals but without my input, they already were separate people yet still one. They were separated in school in the 3rd grade(not our choice)and because I had been debating with it, I decided to let it be and encourage them both. The younger of the two did fine. The older one(really not the one that I felt would have any problem) fell completely apart. They have their own friends and then sometogether. They have never been totally dependant on one another. Neither one of them is more dominant. Yet for some reason, she lost all will to try. She cried all the time because her grades were in trouble. It was very very hard to watch her go through this and not be able to help at all. Nothing helped. I encouraged her to be strong and helped her get through the best that we could. Needless to say they were back together in 4th and 5th. She had regained herself and actually made better grades than her sister. Now we are in sixth grade! I had discussed in great detail with them that they probably wouldn't be together and she was pumped up and ready to go at the beginning of school. Two weeks in, it all starts going down hill. Now we are almost right back where we were 3 years ago. I have learned alot from my girls. One thing being, never under estimate the power of being twins. They are and have always been separate individuals and they have separate instances in their lives. But I guarantee you that every time they are not together, they are always asking or wondering and sometimes worrying about the other. Proof positive!

-- posted by mawissacon

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