Found a Porno magazine in son's room
- Syrian
- Ravensong_9
- sandralee007
- sandralee007
- DJBell
- Armed_Pyro
- cbm332003
- TeiFighter
- ross777
- smiley1smile
This archived discussion is "read only".
For the corresponding "live" discussions, post in the active topic forum here.
« Previous 1 2 Next »
» Syrian - Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
In response to message posted by cak9135:I speak as a 14 year old myself. Don't let that fact make you disregard what I tell you.
I'm not going to address your hang-ups about his sexuality. What I can't believe is that you violated his privacy so badly.
Is not the bedroom supposed to be a 'safe-place'? Is it not supposed to be a refuge? If my parents acted like sneaky weasels and looked through my bedroom, found something that 'offended' them, and tried to take me to task about it, not only would I not forgive them, but I'd seek revenge.
Is that immature of me? I don't think so; you probably do, though. It's a violation, and that's all there is to it.
-- posted by Syrian
» Ravensong_9 - Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
In response to message posted by cak9135:I'm 20 and have a a unique perspective, having been a teenager recently I can see your son's point of view but I'm old enough to be objective. Most teenagers become really defensive when they feel they've been violated in some way, real or imagined. It doesn't help with the issue. The fact is, he got caught, he felt like he was in trouble, and he's trying to be sneakier. As you can see, it doesn't effect the real problem. You don't want him to objectify women which is understandable. But at this age, it's nearly impossible. He doesn't know enough about women to do anything else. That's why he's exploring. He obviously wants details, facts. It's perfectly normal behavior. When I was younger, I read books and even peaked at my dad's magazines. Even as a female, I was curious. I hid this because I felt that it must be wrong. Everything's hidden and taboo, no one speaks of it. Which made the impulse to explore that more interesting. Personally, I don't think there's really anything wrong with it. He's young and curious with hormones that only make it worse. Replace the misinformation he's getting with some actual information. It may not stop his fascination with women but that's normal at that age. When I was in High School which wasn't that long ago, every guy I knew, A student to slacker, was obsessed with sex. On average, males reach their sexual peak at 16! Hormones are raging! But with the right information, precautions can be taken. He needs goals he can keep focused on and definitely information! Schools don't teach seeded. so parents need to. About diseases, precautions, the reality so that this fascinating mystery they find entrancing can be unmasked. It's not a big deal, so don't make it one. A lot of sexual hang-ups in adults stem from a parent's view. Hope that helped. As you can tell I'm studyinpsychologygyheheh.
-- posted by Ravensong_9
» sandralee007 - Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
In response to message posted by cak9135:I realize this message was posted some time ago. But I think this issue is important enough to you or you wouldn't have saught advise. I am a mother also. It is our responsibility to protect our children from pornography. Discussing the issue with your husband is important because he should feel involved in every aspect of his childs life. Secrets can and do eventually come out of the closet if you know what I mean. And they can hurt ones emotions. I would then discuss the content with your son. It will be embarrassing for him I'm sure but that is what parenting is about. Initially he will be embarrassed maybe even defensive. Approach him with love and tell him that you are trying to protect him. Pornography has been known to destroy healthy relatioships. Men see women in a negative view and once dating comes around, images from the past will come back to haunt us. Humans have a photographic camera in their brain. Once a person is confronted with pornographic images those images don't go away for a long time. Unless you enlighten your son about the issues. He may not fully understand but I know this will bring you closer as a family to realize that we are all human and need encouragement from one another. God gave us children not only for parents to be the teachers but also children are here to teach the parents. My daughter has taught me how to give, how to be patient, how to love and somtimes that includes tough love. Love doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy At times its challenging.
-- posted by sandralee007
» sandralee007 - Re: Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
In response to message posted by Syrian:Sorry to brake the news to you but at 14 years old you don't have enough experince to know what's good for you. I'll give you an example: You eat your favourite plate of spaghetti but before you eat it you look at how good it looks, how good it smells , then you tast it and it tastes yummier than ever. Later the next day after you ate the spaghetti you wound up sicker than a dog because the spaghetti was contaminated with bacteria. You have to go to the hospital and you are vomitting all the way there.
Well syrain, that's how it is with pornography, just because something look good or feels good, isn't always good. It can hurt you in many ways. Parent don't try to snoop in kids room to get them kids. It is really because as parents we want to protect the ones we love. Love hurts sometimes. That's life.
-- posted by sandralee007
» DJBell - Re: Re: Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
I am an 18 year old male. I relay wouldn't be that worried about finding dirty magazines in your sons room. As long as you explain to him that what go's on in those magazines is not what happens in real life and that he should always respect women. I would also suggest that you ether give him this talk with his dad or have his dad or dad like figure tell him. Its less traumatic that way. When i was caught with porn and 14 my parents told me that it was normal at that age but told me what was right and wrong, so to speak. Think about it would you rather have your son on drugs or peeking and porn.-- posted by DJBell
» Armed_Pyro - Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
Just put it back and leave it alone. Teenagers think about sex. They enjoy looking at porn, just like any adult. Porn isn't evil. Sex is a natural part a life. The only thing you should to is make sure that he knows all about sex. And by that i mean the real information. Not just saying "Wait until your married". Make sure your son knows about std's, and protection.p.s.
It is probably best to have his father do it. Sons will molikelykly open up to a father more.
-- posted by Armed_Pyro
» cbm332003 - Re: Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
In response to Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room posted by Syrian:I, as well, am a 14 year old...but I have an entirely different point of view. I have through a lot in life. My dad was a drug addict, my grandfather is a transexual, my mom is well, to me, crazy. I was taken away from my father by Child Protrctive Services when I was 12. Everything went great at my mom's place for the first year. I can see the whole privacy invasion thing, because that August I got a new laptop for my room. I had internet...after convincing my mother to allow me to have it. She then got worried, and started checking my computer for pornography. She claimed that she found something...and indeed she had. I was 13 at the time. I had raging hormones. I still do have raging hormones. She confronted me about it...and I lied to her. She put me in such an awkward position. She violated my privacy, and she lost my trust.
Confronting your child about pornography is not a good idea. After I was confronted, my life started to go downhill. And after that, I had the urge to look at porn even more. I lost a lot of respect for my mother. It is human nature to do things that are known to the world as wrong. If everyone on this earth went nude, then no one would ever look at porn, and no one would find it odd, gross, or disgusting. It's not a logical solution to confront your child. Think back to your childhood and reason with your past. You don't want your child to make the same mistakes, but look where you have turned in all of this. You are apparently a caring mother who is desperate to aid your child through the steps of puberty and growing up. Let them grow, don't throw a curveball at them...creating another difficulty for them to deal with.
-- posted by cbm332003
» TeiFighter - It's Okay
I think it's ridiculous that parents want to take away porn because it might reflect certain views on women. If they don't look at the porn they are going to show lust towards women anyway. Hormones are hormones. Masturbation (which is the only reason they look at porn) is just going to prevent them from having sex sooner, so why not let them have it. It's going to happen either way.-- posted by TeiFighter
» ross777 - Re: Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
In response to Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room posted by Syrian:as a 16 year old i speak for all teens if my parents go throw my room and my stuff i will seek revenge on them parents need to learn now days if they stay out of our personal space we will be better in school and everything
-- posted by ross777
» smiley1smile - Re: Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room
In response to Re: Found a Porno magazine in son's room posted by sandralee007:How can you say that your not a boy evethowow you thinhesese never seen that before your wrong. As a boy in middle school i would know If you go through your sons room is just making him feel like your not trusting him. Its better than him having sex or using drugs if you find porn in his room just let it be and act like you never saw it.
-- posted by smiley1smile
« Previous 1 2 Next »
Please follow the guidelines set forth in the Suite101 Posting Etiquette when adding to the discussion.