Teen girls dating older boys
- lilros12
- WesleyWildcat84
- unsicure
- Sunkist014
- notmars
- Meme05
- KEItothefullest
- confident
- confident
- ChadsGirl
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» WesleyWildcat84 - Older men, younger girls
From a Christian and Biblical Perspective...This may take quite a bit of time to read, but I insist that you read it in its entirety, especially the young people that are on this forum. Part of this is my background, the rest is based on the Biblical Love Chapter (1 Cor 13). God is Love, Love is God, so what does God give us as a clue to True Love, this is just the tip of the iceberg...
Hello, I'm a 20 year old that is friends with both an 18 year old (nearly 19), which is about 1 1/2 years which is a pretty proper age difference.
However, I also have a liking for a 15 year old (who will be 16 in October), making it 4 1/2 years difference.
I personally know a couple that was about 30-31 and 20-21 respectively, when they met, and he is a youth and young adults minister. They are currently 35 and 24, and will more than likely remain together for life.
Digging into my own loose relationship (mostly e-mails exchanged and seeing each other briefly at church in the presence of her mother), I understand how relationships of age difference can work, but I kind of know how they should be handled.
When I first met her, I didn't know how young she was, I just knew that she was a high school aged person at the time, and when I did find out, I reasoned that things would definitely be slow.
If I personally did not know her mother then I would have a difficult time even thinking about possibly pursuing this relationship. Her mother says that she trust me, her father (divorced from her mother), has a restriction of no older than 1 year, which I may at some point try to make myself an exception (via talking to her father).
So her mother said that it would work for us to be friends though.
In my view, if a gentleman loves a girl and doesn't simply have infatuation for her, then he will accept taking things slow and cooperating with her parents. He will also respect the law as well as her. In Florida, the legal age for sex (or sexual behavior, i.e. suggestive touching and the like) is 16, if the older person is 23 or younger, 24 or older must wait for 18. There is a teacher that has had her story broadcast nationwide due to her having sex with a 14 year old (she is 23, and likely to pay dearly).
At the present time, I have been keeping my communications very restricted to what they have been, and as she grows a bit older, I plan to open up a bit more as time goes on.
Age is not just a number at all. 4 1/2 years ago, I was a different person from who I am now, I've matured quite a bit and gone through quite a lot. I've suffered rejections and being accepted.
I know pretty much what I would like out of a person that I will spend the rest of my life with and where I want to be when I do make the decision to tie the knot.
The way I approach my relationship with this nearly 16 year old is with respect for the difference and the parent rules. I do believe that I am better at a friend, encourager, and mentor than a romance. Her mother told me that she doesn't plan to drink, smoke, or go clubbing like some immature and irresponsible adults do (not all but some and many that do), and I do believe will not be sexually active until married. I am virgin myself to sex, smoking, and drinking (although I know people around me have done all three, sometimes too much).
I personally never want to suffer the pain of a divorce (no one has said a good thing about it, it is a word worse than the "F" in my mind). I plan to finish my college education and make some money to support myself, get myself together, and then I can present myself. I would like her to have atleast the benefit of an education as well, first, unless I am rich enough to live my life out, and even then, I want her to have a degree in case I am somehow gone or incapacitated.
For people that mention being a Christian, remember, Paul killed others, David succumbed to lust, and Solomon fell away too, Matthew used to cheat people out of money. Christian doesn't mean Saint or perfect. Some are like me, non-drinkers, non-smoker, and abstinent (and saving kissing and serious romance for later), but many, sadly are not.
The Bible describes love as being patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not irritable, forgiving, loves the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, and never fails.
True love takes time to develop and if the love relationship breaks, you should still be friends, if it was truly love.
Ask the questions:
1. Can you simply be friends and slowly build a relationship with the help of your family until you are mature enough and at an age where it is reasonable to be in such a relationship? If you are a 20-15 pair, can you wait with anticipation of being 25-20? I want my friend to go through everything 15-20 year olds go through, and help her out, when needed, a serious relationship could hurt that. If you can't hold back, break up!
2. Can you go without kissing beyond short pecks and some hugging? Also, can you find something that is good for both of you, like exercising or learning something, or can you be of their service, via advice, encouragement, works, etc? If you are in it for just kissing, touching, love, and never developing yourself or the other person, you are too shallow, gain some depth, you are not kind, "creatively helpful!" Would you do chores for her parents to take her out? Is she worth it?
3. Are you possessive? She is not yours, she is herself, and should be taken care of by her parents, as long as the family is caring enough.
If she's taking to other guys, and you want to kill them for it, or hate her for doing it, leave!
Let her gather relationships outside of you, don't you want her to be happy?
4. Boasting and Pride, can you tell about your heroics? Yes, if they help in some way. If you simply use it as fighting fuel, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. Can you be real to her? Or are you too proud that to be vulnerable would mean that you aren't macho or cool? She's to be your help, how can she help if you don't let her (or if she is too young and incapable).
5. Men, respect and courtesy score points with parents, girls, and people in general. "Please," "Thank You," and respecting a family's wishes, and if you don't like their rules, try to talk out the differences.
6. Self-seeking, are you in this for just you? Do you live in the "need" her role, or "I don't need her in my life, but I would like her to be."
7. Do the little things get to you? You can try to ask them to fix their bad habits (but you must expect to fix yours as well), but accept them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
8. Which bring me to, can you forgive people? If he/she stands you up or does something else wrong and is man/woman enough to apologize, do you let them suffer, or hug them and say, it's okay? If not, then you will suffer many break ups and possibly divorces.
9. Must you lie? Unless it is a joke and you acknowledge it to the person as such, then don't lie. If you have to hide something when someone asks, then you have a problem. If you have something that you know you should say, but are uncomfortable with, talk it out with a friend, and you should be more comfortable. If you know the truth, even if there is something they did wrong, do you like it more when they confess or when they obviously hide?
Protects, hopes, trust, perseveres, and never fails.
Love protects what is right and true.
Love hopes for the best in all situations (are you willing to remain hopeful that the parents will eventually let you prove yourself?)
Love trust in each other.
Love will endure all things.
Love will not fail.
If you answer like I do, I want to build my relationship, not start fast. I compare it to time to build a house, tower, or city. If I build overnight, I won't even get the frames on the house. If I build over time, I could have the equivelent of a mansion, the Sears or Petronas Towers, or New York City, something people have a genuine desire for. I want a Twin Towers relationship, in the sense that, while we are alive, people look up to us, and when we go down and are dust of the Earth, then peoples heart go out to us, and say, "When I love, I want to love like that!"
Also, a strong life build with God as #1 and others #2, yourself #3, and your love has a rock solid immovable foundation. If you place God anywhere but #1 and others #2, then you will suffer under your own selfishness.
I may not have gone through a serious relationship with a girl, but I know that when I do, we are forever friends and family in Christ's name. I also know that I am in the most loving relationship ever, the one with the one who made everything and lived and died for me and every that believes in him!
Grace and Peace, and God's Love be with you!
-- posted by WesleyWildcat84
» unsicure - im a 14 year old in love with a17 year old
hi I am a 14 year old gurl that is in love with a 17 year old guy that is a good friend of the family so far i haven't asked him out but i don't know if i should ma mom says that i can go out with him but i can't make love with him i say it ok but he does not know i like him should i tell him or for get about it?-- posted by unsicure
» Sunkist014 - Was He Wrong?
Hey everyone i was just wondering...I'm going to be turning 15 in December and my boyfriend just turned 21 in August. Now i know it sounds like a big age difference but he is a reallyyy sweet guy and before this, i had never really been in a serious relationship, so i didn't really know how it worked. He kind of like taught me the ropes of dating and he's always there for me. We've been going out for about 3 months now.
But to get to my point.. Lately he's been getting agitated alot and he gets mad really easily. And a few nights ago i was wearing a tank top and he told me to change because i looked "easy"?!? It really hurt my feelings so i told him that i did NOT look easy, and it was only a tank top. When i said this though, he got like really mad! He grabbed my wrists really hard and told me that he's only looking out for me, but like it hurt my feelings!
i don't know, i guess i was just wondering who was right or wrong? 'Cause like maybe i sounded kinda mean when i told him i didn't look easy, but he really made me feel bad when he said that. So any replies or advice would be appreciated
Thanks a bunch!
-- posted by Sunkist014
» Meme05 - Re: im a 14 year old in love with a17 year old
Hey im 14 too, and ill be turning 15 in like 4 months and i like this guys hes 17 and is that too old? or normal i think that a 3 year difference is not bad! i can go up to 5 but not any higher. i personally dont like guys my age i prefer guys 2 to 5 years older than me.all right i hope someone can help me. And 14 and 16 is not bad either right?
-- posted by Meme05
» KEItothefullest - Re: Guys
In response to Guys posted by browneyedgirl89:yo girl I am so with you I am 14 too and I have a boyfriend who is six years older. when I tell other people they think he's a pervert but not after I tell the story between me and him. See i lied to him and told him i was 16 and my mother had gotten his phone number from a friend who had snitched on me and blew my spot. so thats how he found out. he almost broke up with me but I begged, cried, and yelled then he reconsidered me. Because we were already together for a while and we were already entwined in the love. that letting go is impossible. He live s five hours away in jersey cause i live in Rhode Island. So I don't see him alot and i have to sneak to go see him. But it's worth even though I've gotten in trouble a couple of times. Just pray that you turn eighteen fast like I do. My mom hates him she against me having a boyfriend at all. But Oh well. If you like him alot or are in true live stick with it.
-- posted by KEItothefullest
» confident - Re: im a 14 year old in love with a17 year old
In response to im a 14 year old in love with a17 year old posted by unsicure:I really think that you should see what will happen i mean its not worth wondering about forever so just go out there and see whats gonna happen.if worse comes to worse you could just say it was all a big joke or a dare or yall will just become closer which is alot more likely.! i wish you the best of luck!!!!
-- posted by confident
» confident - Re: Was He Wrong?
In response to Was He Wrong? posted by Sunkist014:Hey i know how you feel. although i think you should talk to him about it i still think that there is absoulutley no reason for him to grab you hard enough to hurt you. if you love hime enough you will talk it out and if he loves you enough he will understand and try to fix it and apologize. go with your gut and dont worry because no matter what there will always be people here for you!!!
-- posted by confident
» ChadsGirl - Re: Re: im a 14 year old in love with a17 year old
In response to Re: im a 14 year old in love with a17 year old posted by Meme05:Hey! Well, I'm going to be 15 this year and my kind of boyfriend will be 19. Now, listen, everyone has a problem with it. And at first it was really hard to have a relationship with him because EVERYONE had something to say. But we stuck it out, and now it's like almost 5 months into the relationshp and I'm happier than ever. Everyone realized that it doesn't matter what they say, we do it for us. My mom is okay with us (and she knows his age) and I've never been happier! So I think that if you truly love someone, age shouldn't make a difference, within reason.
-- posted by ChadsGirl
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