Spoiled?

» karen0517 - My daughter is 16.

My daughter is 16. Her grades are good, she is active in a couple of leadership programs at school and plays a varsity sport. I am very proud of her. The problem I'm having is that it seems nothing is ever good enough for her and there is constantly something she wishes she had or wants and talks about constantly. I feel like everything I've done for her just isn't enough, even though it really is in my opinion. For example...her grandparents gave her a used car when she turned 16...she wants a different one. She has a cell phone but she doesn't like it, nor does she think the plan she has measures up. Her curfew isn't late enough, she has to call home when she's out to check in and nobody else has to, she has to work when lots of other friends don't have to earn their own money. I am struggling to afford all these things for her now! She just doesn't seem to appreciate what she has. Furthermore, she tells me that I expect too much of her...she does all these other great things and why can't I be happy with that? I don't know...sometimes, I don't think I've been a very effective parent. How can she learn appreciation and to value things? We argue about the same stuff over and over again.

-- posted by karen0517

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» tornadoDad - Re: My daughter is 16.

In response to message posted by karen0517:

Wow this sounds so familiar. My daughter has a better car than I do, cell phone, and because she has done nothing to lose my trust as of yet, I allow her to pretty much act independently with her schedule. She does have a curfew, a job of her own, and must pay her own car insurance and cell bill. She also has her own apartment in my pool house, equipped with bathroom and kitchen of her own. Yet, she complains that she wants a newer car, and seems to never be satisfied. So I ask myself. Do I do these things looking for appreciation or for her recognition and gratitude, or do I do them as a parent just wanting better for my daughter. I have had many conversations with her that ended with "Well, one day you will understand." So I feel she will grow to one day appreciate what I do for her. I just don't want her growing up thinking everything in life will be given to her. I am sure if you make your daughter a responsible young lady, one day you will receive the recognition and appreciation for what you do for her.

-- posted by tornadoDad

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» Terrie_Bittner - Re: Re: My daughter is 16.

In response to message posted by tornadoDad:

My kids used to complain that they didn't have all the goodies other kids have-no driver's licences, no cell phone, tiny allowances. Then my husband was laid off and they realized they were lucky. Because they weren't spoiled, they handled the unemployment really well. They were used to being on a tight budget anyway. We don't do our kids any favors when we hand them the world. They may not have a lot of money when they grow up and they need to be grateful for the basics. So don't feel guilty and don't struggle to give your child cars and insurance and phones. Make her earn her own way in life. There are few gifts you can give her that will let her have a better life in the future.

-- posted by Terrie_Bittner

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» atw1004 - Re: My daughter is 16.

In response to message posted by karen0517:

Maybe we're coming in a year early. My daughter is 15 and a beautiful girl. We've always been aware of what comes out of spoiling a child with material stuff and started having these discussions with her at 12. We live in a town where there is quite a bit of big money and it's gotten progressivly harder to stick to our guns each year since 12. The pretty girls are the worst!! We continue to set limits by giving our daughter a reasonable budget for clothing, makeup, accessories, etc. I think, however, we need to revisit what is reasonable. It amazes us that she would rather wear the same two pairs of shoes everyday because they are expensive and "in" rather than buy 5 pairs of fairly priced but nice shoes. Same goes for getting one shirt at bebe opposed to 3 at another store. As of 9th grade, she's taken to buying clothing that we judge as trashy and inappropriate. We set ourselves up with our own decision to give her $. I think we all know that peer pressure is out of control and media pressure is what drives the teens to feel the need to possess these "in" things. Are we all fighting a losing battle? Seems like it's time to shut down the bank of mom and dad and hope these girls can handle it. If a majority of parents with teens bit this bullet, we wouldn't be posting here.

-- posted by atw1004

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