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» healing2 - Feeling so lost and confused

I have been reading all the stories posted and decided that maybe sharing my story might help me and others, so here goes...I now have realized that I have been in the hands of N's my whole life and this latest relationship was such a head trip that I hope this is the final blow in my life with these sick people. I have seen a lot of suffering in my life, so I do have a heart filled with compassion for those who suffer. I have finally learned that I must save my heart for those who take responsability for their own life and not want to put burden's on me. I met a man 3 1/2 years ago that I really felt was a gift.
My husband used all the right techniques to make me feel special, that I was the one who had the heart of gold, filled with love that transformed his life. A life of total loss, loss of his profession, loss of his 16 year old son to suicide, loss of a 23 year old marriage. I believed the stories about his abusive ex-wife, his loss of a professional career due to a terrible conviction of sexual harassment, all the years being alone. I was his magic cure. He brought me flowers, made me dinner, bought me expensive jewlery, poured on the words (He also happens to be a writer). The love letters that I soaked up like a sponge. At the time I had a business with an old friend of mine who ended up robbing me. My husband was pushing me to get married and I said no, I can't at this time. I just lost the business and the betrayal from someone who I trusted was overwhelming. I didn't have the money strength to get married. Somehow, he managed to trick me into it. He didn't care if I was broke, we should be together because we are so special. So, we get married in November, my dear brother dies at 42 after leaving my house on Christmas, my 13 year old daughter starts cutting herself in January, my husband starts taking over my life (to help me out). I can no longer open my mail, go to the grocery store, go out with friends or family. He can't eat alone, he can't be alone and when he can't get his way the threatens to kill himself. Then my mom dies in April and I am staying at her house for a few days before her death and he is calling me telling me how hard it is for him to be alone. I was like what don't you understand? My mother is not going to be alive in a week. Soon he is sneaking calls to his ex-wife to tell her how much he still loves and misses her. (He also cheated on her many times I found out). He starts telling his family I used all his money, he starts blackmailing me that if I don't do what he wants he is leaving with his checkbook and me and the kids will be out on the street. More and more suicide threats, and finally the last threat I dialed 911. I thought you are not going to play with me anymore. He checked himself into a hotel and started calling me telling me he took a bunch of pill and saying good-bye, the room is spinning around, oh by the way if you want to rescue me there is still time and gave me the room number. I called the police and after he knew I would he took the remaining pills. People who want to die do not check themselves into a hotel room and call you with the room number. After that we went to see counselor, who he started to charm as well. No one can believe that this nice man who only wanted to love me and give me a great life could be capable of these things on purpose. It must be me, I have issue's from my childhood. Finally, after all the lies, blackmail, manipulation, I realized I was battling for my soul. He has been gone since the end of April, and I just got a call last week. He loves me and misses me, just the sound of my voice made his day. Would I have dinner with him some night? I said I was really busy with my job and kids and that I would let him know. He said he was lonely, and I said I know you are not alone. Oh, I have no disire to be with anyone else he said. Well, I have been putting it off, but the time had come for more ugly truth. I read his email from my computer (I know his password). All the horrible, ugly words to women about me. Trying to get their pity, just like I got sucked into. At least 5 women, but the worst is one of them is my neighbor of 15 years. Her husband just died, and I made them dinner and visited and supported her. We took our girls to camp together and I was talking about my pain, and the whole time she is telling him what I said and meeting him at the movies, talking to him on the phone. I am soooo crushed. I gave this man my heart and soul. I was nothing to him, yet he made me think I was the greatest gift in the world to him. I feel so gross, I really loved and trusted and believed him. But on the other hand I knew he was tricking me, somewhere I knew the truth. People are nothing to these N's. The only time you can get along is when you give up your needs to their wants. Then life is good, but as soon as you need and it doesn't make them feel good, you are no good. I am sad I got sucked into this web, but I feel better that I got out. God gave me the wisdom that I prayed for. I wish there was a way to stop him before he strikes again. Next time the woman might not be as strong. He is such a sick, and dangerous person. I just wish that the truth would be known to the world about him. That he couldn't manipulate people anymore, so many suffer and yet they never seem to feel any pain. I wish I could make him feel something, and I can't understand why he doesn't. Not love, remorse, guilt, hurt, nothing unless it serves him. Anyway, don't know who you all are, but thank you for being here. God bless you all in your healing.

-- posted by healing2

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