Was Anyone Isolated?

» NRipped735 - Did anyone share this experience?

I was wondering if anyone was alone with no friends, no outside validation, while with their N?

If so, how did you cope During & After it was over?
Could use your insights and experience.

I CANNOT movde back to NY (At least I dont want to...but fear I may have to) - no friends there anyway. Just Mom & Dad...and they were a part in why I left. I mean I love them, but absolutely cannot live with them or spend much time with them - They can drive me pretty crazy.

Thanks - NRipped

-- posted by NRipped735

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» hope66 - Did anyone share this experience?

In response to Did anyone share this experience? posted by NRipped735:
I think personally that everybody on this board who is associated with an N is cut off by them from friends, relatives and good times, by the whole nature of the condition. It then gives the N more control over you and your life and also you then become more dependant on them which is what they crave, and then you in turn are more likely to put up with the rubbish they dish out to you as you feel isolated. Whilst you live it you just get through each day and problem when they happen as basically you have little choice. I really went to work just for interaction and independance away from him how sad is that exisence. Now I am alone it has been hard to adjust, especially in the early days but think of it another way You can do whatever you dam well like now, have your hair cut short, dye it come home late go to bed early, stay out look up old friends who will finally come clean and tell you that they never liked N anyway and how you deserve a medal etc. If you really don't have anyone at all that can help you through this then why not try voluntary work, it will give you less time to think, more interaction and also maybe help you heal too. I am now three years down the line and I am still learning but also I am about to start on a whole new venture and I am only answerable to me and nobody else except the tax man of course! Take care take one day at a time, but most importantly don't stress about things you cannot change only things you can and want to.

-- posted by hope66

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» Cass468 - Did anyone share this experience?

In response to Did anyone share this experience? posted by NRipped735:

Hey NRipped735

I've read a few of your posts and can understand where you are at. I was with my Ngf for 16 yrs, I kept holding onto the delusion that she would be able to see the light eventualy, the diamond within would be uncovered. It didn't work out that way, in fact things got a whole lot worse over the years.

I was stupid enough to allow my N to subtley isolate me from friends and other social interaction. My contact with others seemed to trigger her anger and bad feeling so I avoided it hoping to appease her, she was jealous of my ability to interact with others I think. Anyway it was a whole lot of mess.

Another of her damaging traits was 'projection' were she made me out to be the insecure crazy maker, the ole 'I'm not mental, you are' trick. The things you are witnessing are a direct result of your interplay with her during your relationship. By the very nature of her scrutiny and prescence in your day to day routine you become somewhat co dependant. After the break up, initially I was wracked by the same feelings you witness, loss, wanting her back(?), the pain of having to walk away because no matter what you did she would never 'get it', she is not firing on all 4 cylinders, and you can't help her.

I got right down in a trough and hit rock bottom. We have been apart 8 months. I'm a lot happier now. I started at a Muay Thia Boxing gym, I'm 42 btw, I really like the workout and go twice a week. The other guys and girls there are good people and I have increased my social circle. I have also started running, just 2 miles but when the fog comes down on me I found physical exercise a great way of lifting it.

I also read some self help books on improving my self esteem and self reliance, these also helped.
At the end of the day only you can make you happy. Your happiness does not depend on another individual, group or society, it's solely in your hands.

I still think about her 24/7 but I'm hoping that will begin to reduce, it doesn't get me down anymore. I have seen her of late and afterwards the black dog of depression was tailing me again.

Worse thing is after isolating me from my school buddies she capitalised on them, they now have some attitude toward me and she goes out for beers with them regular, of course they are only interacting with her ego and are unaware of how disturbed she actually is. I could get pi*sed about this situation and do something but in the end I just thought F*ck the lot of em, they deserve each other, I'm taking my life in a different direction.

Hope you find some ways of getting out of the hole, finding some happiness and moving on, good luck

Cass468

-- posted by Cass468

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