Tickling, Pain or Pleasure
- rahunter_nf
- biogardener
- Rosee
- biogardener
- Dan_Ellsworth
- Rosee
- Rosee
- biogardener
- Tery01
- biogardener
- Dan_Ellsworth
- biogardener
- needingpeace
- biogardener
- needingpeace
- biogardener
- needingpeace
- Rosee
- biogardener
- needingpeace
- biogardener
- needingpeace
- biogardener
- Rosee
- biogardener
- needingpeace
- biogardener
- needingpeace
- biogardener
- biogardener
This archived discussion is "read only".
For the corresponding "live" discussions, post in the active topic forum here.
» rahunter_nf - Keep Your Tickles to Yourself
Before reading your article, Traute, I'd never thought of trying to tickle myself. Upon reading it, I tried tickling myself and found that I couldn't.Also before reading the article, I'd always thought of tickling as fun. After reading it, I realized that the only ones that I could remember having fun were the ticklers and watchers, not the ones being tickled.
Thus, I have to go along with your conclusion, "Give me a hug any day, but keep your tickles to yourself."
-- posted by rahunter_nf
» biogardener - The poll is revealing
The poll was on my Natural Health site for a while and has had enough votes to give a valid comparison. It shows that a large number of people do enjoy tickling. Maybe they are the same ones who enjoy watching a horror movie. I can do without those thrills.-- posted by biogardener
» Rosee - Re: The poll is revealing
In response to message posted by biogardener:Hi Traute! I can tickle the inside of my arm but that is about all and I know when to quit! As a child I was tickled until I couldn't breathe and would always end up crying. To me tickling a child to this extend is in the same boat as child abuse. Maybe a light tickle under a babies chin is sweet and bonding but I feel that is as far as it should go. I would much rather do the nice hug and not torture anybody with tickling. Hugs, Marilynn
-- posted by Rosee
» biogardener - Experience
I think you are right Marilyn. The people who have experienced the abuse of childhood tickling as you and I have, even if it was only once, will always prefer a hug to a tickle.Come to think about it, I have never in my life tickled anyone, but I have given thousands of hugs and continue to do so. I have to keep telling myself that we all need hugs for survival though, because I went through trauma when a minister accused me of child abuse with inappropriate touching for hugging the preschoolers in my Sunday school class in the presence of their parents. I will write about that in a future article.
-- posted by biogardener
» Dan_Ellsworth - Remote tickling?
At times I have, with impressionable young children, made tickling motions with my hands from as far as halfway across a room, not actually touching them. Occasionally, I can get one to fall down laughing. I think I was intuitively aware of the abusive potential of tickling, but I don't know how I came up with Remote Tickling. It seems not to be too much for the kids to enjoy.It looks pretty lame if it doesn't work, but I can handle that without a problem. Not all my witticisms work either.
-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth
» Rosee - Re: Experience
In response to message posted by biogardener:I don't do the tickle bit either. My abusive tickler was mostly from a sadistic stepfather who also thought it was cute to tweek ones nose. Sometimes he would do this so hard that the end of my nose would be bruised. Children didn't complain about those kinds of things back in my day though..the adult was always right.
That must have been some trauma for you to go through with the preschoolers. I will be sure to read your future article.
Hugs, Marilynn
-- posted by Rosee
» biogardener - Re: Remote tickling
I love the idea of remote tickling. I am feeling itchy all over just reading about it. Mind you, I like remote hugs even better, including cyber-hugs.-- posted by biogardener
» Tery01 - Remote tickling
In response to message posted by biogardener:Tickling, I believe is used in two ways: For fun and for torture.
I find that bullies and such have a personal satisfaction when tickling others as a way of control, teasing, and torturing.
For fun, I think like Dan said is that when you put up your hands and wiggle your fingers without touching a child ,they do laugh and fall over. It all depends on the "intentions" of the tickler.
-- posted by Tery01
» biogardener - Intentions & Experience
For me, even tickling with good intentions is torturous because of my traumatic childhood experience. I will start screaming when somone's hand approaches me with the intent of tickling, even when in fun. I must admit that Dan's remote tickle felt all right, though, because I know that he is too far away to actually touch me. If he were here in person, even the raising of his hand would probably cause me agony.-- posted by biogardener
» Dan_Ellsworth - Re: Intentions & Experience
In response to message posted by biogardener:{[(Traute!)]} Distinction noted. Individual experiences lead to individual responses to the same stimulus. So Michigan to Manitoba is no problem? Better yet, maybe I can just do intellectual tickling (if I can figure out just what that is), because I see you as having a strong intellectual side not likely to be overwhelmed. (Did I get the province right?)
-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth
» biogardener - You got it
You got it right, Dan. Anyway, I have known you for quite a while now and I cannot imagine you getting pleasure out of torturing anyone. That exercise is probably reserved for older brothers, at least until they grow up.My older brother who used to be the biggest tease was actually my closest sibling. I would have trusted him with my life. He is also the only sibling of mine who is waiting for me in glory along with both our parents.
-- posted by biogardener
» needingpeace - Question
I'm the son of a father who has done nothing but torment me all of my life. I can't remember a time when I haven't winced when he came into a room. He makes fun of me for everything i do, and manages to find all of my faults and pick on me because of them. Sometimes he tickles me until I can hardly breath, even in front of the few friends i have, what can i do?-- posted by needingpeace
» biogardener - To needingpeace
Your pain must be much worse than mine ever was. When a child is tortured by a sibling, help is usually available from a parent if that should become necessary. To be tortured by a parent, however, you must feel really helpless. There are things you can, do, however. Seeing that I do not know how old you are, I shall try to give you some advice which would work for any age.I have some questions for you:
- Are there any adults who have witnessed your father's torture of you?
- What is their reaction when it happens?
- What does your mother say about it?
I imagine that your father abuses your mother as well, because I cannot imagine that he is only cruel to you. If that is the case, you have probably witnessed your mother's abuse by your father. I would strongly advise you to make your mother your allie. Discuss the abuse with her, your own as well as hers. If your mother is like most abused women, she will deny the abuse, but you don't have to listen to that. You can convince her that you know.
See what the two of you can come up with to stand up together against your father. Then talk to a school counsellor and find out what else you can do.
I hope that you will post again to let me know what is happening. If what I am guessing about your situation is wrong, please let me know. Maybe we can come up with other ideas to help you.
-- posted by biogardener
» needingpeace - Re: To needingpeace
In response to message posted by biogardener:I'm fifteen. I've got a little sister thirteen, and a brother sixteen. My dad is real "buddy buddy" with my brother. He loves my little sister, as she is his onlly daughter. I am the only one he picks on. If he ever hurt my mother or sister...i don't know what i'd do. I asked my sister though, and she said that my dad abuses my mom through me.
Other adults have seen my dad torment me, but their mostly my dad's brothers, and don't seem to care to much. When my dad does stuff, i try my best to pull away from him, but i can't because he's stronger. Any more suggestions?
-- posted by needingpeace
» biogardener - Talk to them
You don't say what these people say when you confide in them and tell them how much you are hurting. Start with your mother. I don't remember if you have confronted your father or not. If you haven't, get an ally first and confront him together.-- posted by biogardener
» needingpeace - Re: Talk to them
In response to message posted by biogardener:I really can't do anything. It'll just make things worse if mom and me try and go against my dad. he's the controller of the house. i don't know how else to describe him.
i didn't know that tickling is abuse. I'm confused. is it, or isn't it? I thought it was just physical stuff. like getting hit and all.
-- posted by needingpeace
» Rosee - Re: Talk to them
In response to message posted by needingpeace:Tickling until you can't breathe is for sure abuse. I had a stepfather that did that to me for years, I would end up crying and not being able to breathe at all. My mom was afraid of him as well so she could do nothing. He would also tweak the end of my nose making the tip of my nose all bruised. I don't have any great words of wisdom for you I am sorry to say.
Is there any way you and your mom can leave this situation? I feel so helpless for you to have to go through all of this. Thinking of you, hugs, M
-- posted by Rosee
» biogardener - It is abuse
Your father is not tickling you to show you his love, is he. He is enjoying the torture which he inflicts on you. I can only repeat that you need to find an ally and confront your father. If your mother refuses to be your ally, your best bet would probably be a school counsellor. You do not have to continue living in fear.There are extreme cases of abuse where children have been put in foster homes to get away from an abusive parent, but I do not recommend that option except in extreme cases, especially of sexual abuse. Being in a foster home has a lot of drawbacks. There are never enough foster homes available for teenagers, and the alternative, group homes, is probably the worst solution of all, because there you may have to live with teenagers who are well on the way to becoming criminals.
Make a New Year's resolution to do something for yourself, and please stay in touch. You had enough courage to post your problem here. You now need a little more courage to do something to help yourself.
-- posted by biogardener
» needingpeace - Re: It is abuse
In response to message posted by biogardener:RThis is how i see it though. I'd rather have me dad hit me and torment me then my mom or my sister. it's just that sometimes he goes to far. my brother also thinks it's funny to tickle me. luckily for me, he and dad haven't joined forces yet.
-- posted by needingpeace
» biogardener - Don't be an enabler.
Don't be an enabler. Your dad is abusing you because he can. You are letting him do it and so is your mother. As long as you let him, you are his enabler. If you ganged up on him and refused to let him, he would have to stop.From what you describe, your father does not sound like someone who would kill you if you stood up to him. If that were the case, other steps would be needed. If you describe him correctly, then he needs someone with backbone to stand up to him.
It's up to you. I can't force you, but I will continue to urge you to do it.
-- posted by biogardener
» needingpeace - Re: Don't be an enabler.
In response to message posted by biogardener:I can't really stand up to my dad. He's about five times my size. besides, i don't want to get my mom into trouble, and if i actually go to him with a problem, he'll make fun of me for it, and probably even do whatever it is even more.
-- posted by needingpeace
» biogardener - Size means nothing.
Size means nothing. You aren't supposed to fight with him physically. You are supposed to tell him that it is wrong for him to torture people, and you are not supposed to do it by yourself.Your mother is in trouble anyway. She has been in trouble from the minute she married a person capable of torturing someone else. It would do her good to find out that one of her children has more backbone than she has.
Or are you telling me that your father would be physically violent and seriously hurt you or your mother if a school counsellor had a talk with him?
-- posted by biogardener
» Rosee - Re: Size means nothing.
In response to message posted by biogardener:Traute I have been in a situation sort of like this and it is a darn scary time. Scared to tell and scared to stand up for yourself...doesn't leave any good feelings at all. Hate to put anymore guilt on his shoulders if you know what I mean. Having it happen all the time just wears a person down to nothing and feeling like nothing. I hope he continues to correspond and we can be of help to him just letting him open up. I was lucky that I didn't have to put up with it on a day to day basis's, my stepdad was jealous of the love my mom had for me. Isn't that childish.
So NeedingPeace please keep on writing because you never know what will come from letting it out of your system this way. At least you are getting it out of your system this way and sometimes you will get a idea that will help you.
Even as old as I am I am still working on healing from things that happened from my childhood and teenage years. I wish for you some peace and love in your life. Do you have any grandparents or aunts and uncles that you could talk to that would believe you? I will sure be hoping things get better for you soon. Sending you some positive engergy and thinking of you, Hugs, M
-- posted by Rosee
» biogardener - Things can change
Things can change. There is a straw which breaks the camels back. I have seen abused children as well as abused wives snap and fight back all of a sudden, because something happened which that person was no longer able or willing to tolerate. It can happen to the most demoralized person.Yes, keep in touch, please, regardless of what happens.
-- posted by biogardener
» needingpeace - Re: Re: Talk to them
In response to message posted by Rosee:My father made me pee in my pants in front of my girlfriend the other day and in front of my friends. They all thought it was pretty funny. It wasn't.
-- posted by needingpeace
» biogardener - Not funny
Nothing which embarrasses anyone is funny. It is cruel.-- posted by biogardener
» needingpeace - Re: Not funny
In response to message posted by biogardener:I guess i just have to deal with it then. There's nothing i can really do about it. I guess just avoiding him is the best thing.
Ps. My sister tells him to leave me alone, but it never works. at least someone is trying
-- posted by needingpeace
» biogardener - To Needingpeace
I am happy that you have an ally. That will give you hope. I haven't given up on you yet. I am praying that some day you will have the courage to stand up to the bully.-- posted by biogardener
» biogardener - Comment
One of the readers of this article posted a comment on November 4, 2003 which I just read today:- Hi. Im a loyal fan of your site and I went to a book fair recently and found this cool book out called A WAR TO LIVE FOR by Noah (ISBN 0-7596-6140-5). Its like a Dr. Seuss book with lots of informative hidden illustrations about a tickle war written in poetry. It's a cool book you might want to post and tell others on your site
P.S. I saw it on amazon.com also. Take care, Seth.
-- posted by biogardener
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