My Mom Rejects Me As

» rammot - My Mom Rejects Me as a New Mother

I need advice.

My whole family: Father, Mother, Sister, Husband, and myself are in therapy. My son is almost two. Since I gave birth, my mother has been hostile to me and made huge productions about simple requests like: wash hands, don't feed the baby without asking, etc., So, she instead would do things like feed the baby behind our backs things he wasn't read for yet, etc., My sister jumped in by adding that I will psychologically damage my son if I breastfeed him past one year.

Fast forward: When my son was six months, I stood up to my mother for the first time. A fight ensued. I felt good about finally communicating, apparently she did not. My mother has my father call my husband at work and tell him that I need professional help. This is followed up by my sister who comes to our house to tell my husband the same thing (in my presence). My husband rejects my parents and sister's statements, and in a rare moment, challenges them. His normal mellow state was replaced by fierce defense of me (thank god for that).

Since the C-Section I have had severe back pain. This coupled with the complete chaos of my family led me to make a decision: focus on my own family.

Since then many letters from the family came to our house criticizing me and my mental state for the first six months.

For a year no one has requested to see our son, although my husband offered to bring him to them. Instead, they sent money and gifts. They tried to call me on the phone many times, though I never picked up the phone .

Quite honestly, I was waiting for an apology. I feel if we never receive one this may happen again in the future. I told them if they thought I was mentally unstable, if I was psychologically damaging my son by breastfeeding him, and I had poor physical health, then what is stopping them from calling Child Protective Services? They balk at that.

Truly, their 'concern' was not that at all but anger at me for changing. I am no longer the person I was, 'agreeable', and I am making decisions for a person who does not yet have a voice for himself: my son. I feel as if I have had to choose between my son and my family.

The therapy has been a disaster. Everyone is just yelling at each other and I am feeling more harm is happening than good. I have returned to the state where I can no longer smile because my family has gotten me so down.

Ironically, I love them all very much and most of our lives have been peaceful. My parents worked hard, supported us, and made sacrifices. But now I realize that I have always been a 'certain way' around them to have harmony, and now that I am mom, I don't have the patience or time! to concern myself with their sensitivities or their careless statements to me.

All I want is my family back, but they appear as if an apology is the last thing on their minds. I wonder why they are even in therapy. I went because I actually thought this would be the method to finally say goodbye to them.

This breaks my heart to say, I want my family back. But if they don't apologize, then they will do things behind my back to sabotage my parenting with my son, and this is not the kind of relationship I want in the future.

Anyone with some good advice or similar experiences?

-- posted by rammot

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