Understand or believe in BPD?

» tigerburning - Dilemma to file charges

I admit to having a relationship with someone I did not fully know. I admit to remaining in contact due to curiosity and an innate desire not to give up on the "problem". I admit to enabling him with a free place to stay and one meal a day in exchange for ranch chores. I admit to not giving-up soon enough.

Here in lies the dilemma.

We have a 9 year old precocious active intelligent loving daughter who is not afraid to stand up for herself or those she loves. 4 months ago her father shot himself after they argued over his verbal abuses. He had been out of work for 5 months. His bills were catching up with him. His drivers license was about to be revoked, and emotionally he couldn't seem to keep it together, but he refused to admit anything was wrong or to accept help from anyone but me. My help he claimed was "his right" since we had a daughter together. He loaded a rifle and pointed it at us yelling, if we not leave immediately so he was free to pack his things he would shoot us. We left. He shot himself.

Our past relations were calm, until I started catching him at lies concerning his own personal history. Then he would yell at what I felt was the drop of a hat. I would sit with him and calmly go over the different sides of the issue but until he had expelled his anger by throwing, hitting and damaging his and other peoples things he would not and seemingly could not calm down. I learned to allow him space after such outburst and to speak with him later. He would then seem to understand but later forget we ever discussed the matter or thought another "male" friend had convinced him. SO I got to know his repsected male friends, and would have them discuss situations with him which worked until it dealt with things he did not wish to recall or accept like responsibility for back child support payments for 2 children from a previous relationship, finding his own place, cleaning up after himself, or keeping a full time job. There was the back injury settlement which was suppose to come in, the Apache reservation he was suppose to belong to who were to help, the inheritance he was suppose to receive - you get the picture. His jobs were always things he didn't want to do, people he had trouble working with, bosses who began as angels and became devils. There were the businesses he tried to start that took too much time, or required him to work with obnoxious people, or people who refused to pay or expected more than he could deliver or that he had to have free help with, usually mine. There were also the chores for which he didn't have time to do, the loans he just couldn't pay off, the friends who expected too much or just couldn't do anything right. There were also the things he had to buy or do, so he could show off his skills, make money and finally pay off his debts which continued to grow.

I felt sorry for him, because his father had beatten him on several occasions, his ex-wife had had several affairs, sold and was herself hooked on cocaine and alcohol. He himself had just recovered from JackDaniels Tiquilla binges.

Too late perhaps I had enough. He was asked to leave and was given until snow thaw to do so.

The day of the incident, he was told to leave - now. He yelled "Fine" and asked for space to pack. I fed and watered the animals which took maybe 30 minutes. His eyes turned white, his face turned red and he threatened to kill us if we didn't immediately leave. We did. He pinned two suicide notes to himself, called the police to pick up his body, drove his truck down the mountain, walked out into the woods and shot himself. He spent 4 month in the hospitol where they performed several surgeries and had a state psychologist talk with him.

He told the psych someone else shot him which spurred a murder investigation. The results were no evidence of any other vehicle or person in the vacinity. Several people who didn't like him but would have killed him. They also had solid alibis. The shot gun he used was one he had borrowed from a hunting partner & long time friend.

The person who supposedly tried to murdered him had smaller feet, drove a dirty blue truck , hunted with him before many times and went by the name of Wayne Anthony. No one saw the blue truck, knew the hunting buddy or found truck or foot tracks.

The dilemma is , he presently resides in a halfway house under minimum care and no security. He has spoken to several friends and informed them that he has returned to get even with the one who tried to murder him and the police who botched the case and have lied about the evidence so that I who according to him was his wife for 9 years and had never before argued with him will come back to him.

He is more than capable of locating or making a weapon and carrying out his plan. He is exceedingly proud of the fact that he has been declared totally disabled and the state has to pay for him. He is proud that he has the doctors eating out of his hands and can't imagine why his freinds don't believe him or why I haven't come running back to him.

Should I file a restraining order against him which would require I confront him directly with his fantasy or leave him alone until he is physically capable of carrying out his plan (He has lost an eye, part of an ear and his face. He needs time to adjust to his new equalibrium and would have difficulty aiming anything at this time, though he does know explosives.)

Should I get angry at the state mental health service for seemingly ignoring a potential problem?

I have been researching BPD. Our state has no facilities and no trained doctor in this area. Am I right? Does he sound MPD? Is he potetially dangerous to others? Or have I just become temporarily paranoid?

Has anyone a similiar dilemma?

-- posted by tigerburning

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