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Top 2022. Jun 5, 2005 3:27 AM

» SteveT - Liver and Cheese

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says ........

"Liver alone. Cheese mine."

-- posted by SteveT

Top 2023. Jun 5, 2005 3:32 AM

» SteveT - Men's Weakness

Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK !!!

-- posted by SteveT

Top 2024. Jun 5, 2005 4:04 AM

» SteveT - Corporate Office bingo

HOW TO STAY AWAKE AT SEMINAR MEETINGS

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar or conference call,
prepare yourself by drawing a square. Most find that 5"x5" is a good size.
Divide the card into columns, five across and five down. That will give
you 25 one-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

*result-driven
*at the end of the day
*out of the loop
*24/7
*infrastructure
*core competencies
*revisit
*bottom line
*best practice
*strategic fit
*fast track
*think outside the box
*win-win
*proactive
*value-added
*benchmark
*110%
*client focus(ed)
*paradigm
*game plan
*leverage
*moving forward

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those
words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically or diagonally, stand
up and shout, "BULLSHIT!"

Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:
"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won."
-Paul D., Seattle

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically."
-David D., Portland

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us
waited for the fifth box."
-Ben G., Salem

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the
third time in two hours."
-Kathleen L., Spokane

-- posted by SteveT

Top 2025. Jun 7, 2005 7:38 AM

» Kirk - Death and God

.
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

>While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

>Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

>God said,

>"No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

>Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a

>facelift,

>liposuction, and a tummy tuck.

>She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

>Since she had so much more time to live,

>she figured she might as well make the most of it.

>After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

>While crossing the street on her way home,

>she was run over and killed by an ambulance.

>Arriving in front of God, she demanded,

>"I thought you said I had another 40 years?

>Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

>.....You'll love this!!!.......

><>

>God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

-- posted by Kirk

Top 2026. Jun 9, 2005 1:45 PM

» SteveT - Dinner with dignitaries!

When Ariel Sharon came to Washington for meetings with George W. and for a state dinner, Laura Bush decided to bring in a special Kosher chef and
offer a truly Jewish meal.

At the dinner that night, the first course served was matzo ball soup.

George W. looks at this and after learning what it is called, he tells an aide that he can't eat such a gross and strange-looking brew. The aide says that Mr. Sharon will be insulted if he doesn't at least taste it.

Not wanting to cause any trouble (after all, he ate sheep's eye in honor of Arab guests), George W. gingerly lowers his spoon into the bowl and
retrieves a piece of matzo ball and some broth. He hesitates, then swallows. A big grin appears on his face. He finds that he really likes it, so he digs right in and finishes the whole bowl.

"That was delicious," Bush says to Sharon. "Do you Jews eat any other part of the matzo, or just the balls?"

-- posted by SteveT

Top 2027. Jun 15, 2005 8:09 AM

» Karin_ - NANA KNOWS.

NANA KNOWS...........

Here goes the theory that Grandmas know everything!

Little Emmett was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been
playing outside with the other kids for a
while when he came into the cottage and asked her, "Nana, what is that
called when people are sleeping on top of each other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth... "It's
called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Emmett just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play
with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Nana, it is not
called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!"

-- posted by Karin_

Top 2028. Jul 3, 2005 11:11 AM

» be6 - Green Spots

A woman walks into her doctor's office, scared of the strange development
recent to the inside of her thighs... a green spot on the inside of each.

'They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting
worse".

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of this, and that she
needn't worry until tests come back. He sends her home. A few days later,
the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She
immediately begs to know what's going on with these spots?

"You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem. But I'm wondering: is your
boyfriend a Harley guy?" the doctor asks.

"Yes--how did you know?"

"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

-- posted by be6

Top 2029. Jul 9, 2005 2:55 PM

» SteveT - Whoops

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!"

Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said, "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!"

Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in
college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"

“No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher!"

-- posted by SteveT

Top 2030. Sep 29, 2005 7:57 AM

» Kirk - Forum Full. Use New Forum

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Thanks

-- posted by Kirk