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Top 1942. Feb 8, 2005 10:11 AM

» Kirk - Ted Kennedy Didn't Sue. But VW Almost Did.

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In response to HAVE YOU DRIVEN A VW LATELY?
posted by Karin_:

Ted Kennedy Didn't Sue. But VW Almost Did.
January 21, 2005
<img src=http://eschenck.typepad.com/ernie_schenc... align=left> In the event you crawled down into a bomb shelter during the Cuban missile crisis and are only now emerging into the sunlight, you are hereby excused from not knowing that Volkswagen is threatening to sue a couple of guys in Europe whose viral depicts a suicide bomber in a VW Polo who tries to blow himself up in front of a crowded bistro.

But as I discovered over at Gawker, this isn't the first time the boys from Wolfsburg have gotten their mud flaps in a knit. Apparently, the company also tried to go after National Lampoon when it ran this spoof ad in 1973 playing off the now infamous tragedy in which Senator Ted Kennedy drove his car off a bridge in Massachusetts resulting in the drowning death of Mary Jo Kopechne. (In case you can't read it, the headline says: "If Ted Kennedy drove a Volkswagen, he'd be President today".

According to Lampoon expert, Mark Simonson:

"As a result of a lawsuit by VW over the ad for unauthorized use of their trademark, NatLamp was forced to remove the page (from its National Lampoon Encyclopedia of Humor-- ed note) from any copies they still had in inventory (which, from what I gather, was about half the first printing of 250,000 copies) and all subsequent reprints. For what its worth, Ted Kennedy didn't sue".

Did the Lampoon ad justify a lawsuit from VW? Hell, no. Does the suicide bomber viral? In my opinion, yes. As Chris Robb down at PUSH in Orlando, Florida told me:

"It seems there is a desperation for attention these days in our business and in general. Reality TV smacks of the same thing, everybody is screaming look at me, look at me without regard to the consequences of the message".

Chris is right. There aren't any consequences for crossing the line. And there have to be. Two words for Volkswagen: Sue. Them.

Here is the ad (Quicktime movie) http://wizbangblog.com/archives/004842.p...

-- posted by Kirk

http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story.as...

Top 1943. Feb 8, 2005 1:06 PM

» bob90245 - The Bullpen is on base

The Bullpen is on base
'So lowbrow it should be waxed,' but Street is chuckling
By David Weidner, MarketWatch
Last Update: 11:34 AM ET Feb. 8, 2005

NEW YORK (MarketWatch) -- In an era of scandals, scoundrels and scourges, Wall Street is in desperate need of a laugh.

The financial community has produced its own comic material at times, such as companies not "admitting or denying any wrongdoing" or Dick Grasso's $240,000-a-year secretary. But Wall Street is generally not a funny place.

Hoping to fill the void are two Harvard Business School graduates who have cobbled together one of the fastest-growing and most widely read newsletters on the Street, The Bullpen Report.

"We're more cynical about Wall Street than about the media that cover Wall Street," said one of the Bullpen's creators in an interview. "But there's plenty of cynicism to go around."

A three-page, monthly newsletter delivered by e-mail, The Bullpen Report has grown to more than 1,500 subscribers since its launch in November. It is a cross between The Wall Street Journal and Mad magazine. Or between American Lawyer and the Onion.

The creators say they sent the first issue to about 60 friends, colleagues and family members. Through word of mouth, the subscription list grew to about 450. A brief mention in The Wall Street Journal sent circulation surging close to its current level.

The Bullpen articulates unspoken ironies of working at an investment bank, at a law firm or in any corporate subculture. The humor is captured in such headlines as "Incompetent Associate to become Incompetent Vice President in January" or "Engagement Excuse to Announce New Job in Alum Mag."

But those headlines, free from politically incorrect or foul language, stand out. The Bullpen unflinchingly captures the sexism, egotism, long hours and misplaced priorities often found in the world of high finance.

In the latest issue, an investment banker crows about his seven-figure bonus by saying "a million-dollar bonus at age 33 more than offsets the downsides of a broken engagement and a missed funeral."

Another story in the second issue begins "Analyst Harry Wexler handed his boss Ben Robertson his right arm Monday in return for getting the whole Thanksgiving weekend off."

To the Bullpen's fans, the newsletter delivers more than an inside joke; it helps them keep perspective about work and life.

"The newsletter is hilarious because it considers many 'unmentionable' topics within an investment bank," said Melissa Blakeley, a research associate at a bulge-bracket Wall Street firm. "Reading Bullpen is always a much-needed reality check about how ridiculous life as a Wall Street analyst really is."

The Bullpen's authors have day jobs, and for that reason they wish to remain anonymous. What they will say is that they are both male, 31 years old. Both have worked at a newspaper -- though not together -- and they have never met in person or even spoken to each other on the phone.

"The fact that we've never met is so ludicrous that we've actually come to value it," said the co-author who works in Boston (the other works in China). "I hope we never meet until one of us decides to fire the other one and sell out."

The Bullpen creators agreed to answer questions sent by MarketWatch via e-mail, a format in which they felt they could be most creative.

Q. MarketWatch: Explain how you met and decided to do this.

A. Authors of The Bullpen Report: We wrote for our b-school's newspaper but never actually met. This fall, we got together over e-mail and started The Bullpen to kill some time between episodes of "The Simple Life." It's been four issues and we still haven't spoken. Seriously.

Q. You've never spoken? How do you put The Bullpen together?

A. The Bullpen is a virtual company. All of our humor is outsourced to Sri Lanka. Our only responsibilities are: produce the MS Word file, convert it to a PDF, and find creative ways to cut employee benefits.

Q. Why do you need to remain anonymous?

A. Would you want your name associated with this stuff? Our humor is so lowbrow it should be waxed.

Q. Your publication resembles other news parodies such as the Onion or Dilbert cartoons. What inspired The Bullpen? What do you read?

A. We don't read. If it doesn't come in Excel format, we have no interest. However, before we became bankers, we read all the joke-news sites, like the Onion, the Borowitz Report and CNN.com.

Q. How old are you?

A. Old enough to remember that news of Jerry Garcia's death crashed all the Bloombergs in New York and old enough to be happy with a 37-inch waistline.

Q. Where do you get your material? What's the creative process?

A. Most of it comes ... directly from our analyst experiences and our imagination, but some of it is stuff that we actually catch ourselves doing, like screaming at subordinates for typos, or making fun of people from [the] University of Chicago, or frequenting strip clubs with Mormons.

Q. Are you afraid you will run out of material?

A. Of course we are. But when we do, we'll just use Dilbert's strategy and tell the same jokes again and again for 12 more years.

Q. Are you really interested in advertising? Do you want to do this full time?

A. Getting an advertiser will help us achieve a lifelong goal of connecting luxury brands and people with lots of disposable income and absolutely no time to spend it. If you don't believe this is our dream, check out our high-school yearbooks.

Q. Who would advertise?

A. We believe our target demographic is attractive to anyone hawking expensive stuff that only investment bankers can afford. Like summer shares in the Hamptons when you know damn well your boss is never going to give you a weekend off. When you finally get one night free, you end up sleeping on a couch in East Hampton and listening to Dave Matthews until 4 a.m. -- all to the tune of $2,000.

Q. Any story on how you came up with the name?

A. Ha, yes, we're glad you asked, it's a funny story. Actually, it's not. I''s just a banking term for the cubicles where all the analysts sit. It's kind of like calling a satirical education newsletter "The Classroom" or a satirical molestation newsletter "Neverland."

Q. One might conclude that you have a very dark, negative view of people on Wall Street, and yet Harvard is a mill that turns out those types. Is there any self-hate here?

A. Of course there is. We hate most people but ourselves most of all.

Q. Where do you see yourselves in five years, 10 years? How about The Bullpen?

A. In five years, The Bullpen will be a very large public company. We will use our tremendous size and clout to crush other providers of Humor. In 10 years, we hope to be the world's monopoly provider of Laughter. In the long run, we want to patent the process of laughter so that we can get a small micropayment for each chuckle and guffaw until the end of time. We are thinking $0.001 a giggle. So you'd owe us a penny if this was 2015.

Q. A penny at the most.

A. Ouch.

Q. Is greed good?

A. Greed is like technology -- it is neither good nor bad. Greed isn't some "nasty thing," it's simply an all-consuming thirst for loot. That's it. It's what you DO with greed that matters. For example, our greed is fueled by a desire to have people like Dick Grasso killed, ground into burgers, and fed to donkeys. That's bad greed. But others do good things with their greed, like shut down unions and use temp workers to avoid paying for health insurance.

Q. You really envy all the people you write about, right? This is a way of coping with that jealousy.

A. Oh yeah? When we have our successful IPO and the Gin Blossoms play a midnight set as we drink Freixenet, who will be jealous then, Mr. Bigshot?

You can subscribe to The Bullpen Report by sending an e-mail to thebullpenreport@yahoo.com.

-- posted by bob90245

Top 1944. Feb 15, 2005 3:46 PM

» Kirk - Have some Almonds Dear.

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A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder.

She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches down.

After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds.

She repeats this gesture about eight times. At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.

Where upon the old lady Answers,

"We just love the chocolate around them."

-- posted by Kirk

Top 1945. Feb 16, 2005 10:54 AM

» arommel88 - Re: Have some Almonds Dear.

In response to Have some Almonds Dear. posted by Kirk:

That would suck.

-- posted by arommel88

Top 1946. Feb 16, 2005 12:30 PM

» Kirk - New Words

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The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near
future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

-- posted by Kirk

Top 1947. Feb 16, 2005 3:03 PM

» arommel88 - Re: New Words

In response to New Words posted by Kirk:

I see a possibility for

Cornucolonpia(n): Overflowing from indulgence.

instink(n) : Born with odor.

mydopeia(n) : Failure to see an equitable transaction concerning illegal narcotics.

ticknology(n): Researched in Asia

-- posted by arommel88

Top 1948. Feb 17, 2005 6:24 AM

» Kirk - The Fidora Legacy

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The Fidora Legacy
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.a...

In every way Karla Fidora's dainty size 7 1/2 foot left a colossal size 24 footprint on the fortunes of the PH Corporation.

She came to Kumquat from the Great American Wire and Cable Company, where she led the divesture of the firm's wire and cable businesses. She later admitted "that left us with just the Great American Company and no real products. Clearly we should have thought that one through a little more." She then focused on finding Great American a great new name and facilitated its strategic plunge into bankruptcy.

Fidora was then hired to re-invert the Kumquat Corporation, a company known for little more than world class products and happy employees. It was a status quo that worried competitors and Fidora was committed to turning it around. With a twin strategy of abandoning high margin businesses or selling them to competitors; and acquiring struggling companies in low margin industries at exorbitant premiums, she was able to execute one of the great turnarounds in corporate history.

Fidora was a favorite of employees and personally helped tens of thousands of them move onto their dream of early retirement or new careers in the fast food industry.

Almost from the beginning, Fidora was a media star. Soon after joining Kumquat, she was named "nastiest female CEO in America". She took offense to the title, saying " I want to be known as the nastiest CEO in America, period."

She took a strong interest in extending the internet to the world's underprivileged, believing that even the most remote villages in the Amazon jungles or Sahara desert could house the call centers of tomorrow.

Karla's future? For now she plans to start working on the development of her new TV reality show, which has the working title "The Karla Pit". There are also strong rumors that she could be tapped to be the next US Secretary of the Treasury, where she could put her energy and charisma to work re-architecting the world's economy.

We wish her well!
http://www.everythingispossible.com/

-- posted by Kirk

Top 1949. Feb 18, 2005 6:40 PM

» Karin_ - MISCOMMUNICATION!

MISCOMMUNICATION!

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws
her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news:
" I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for
sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the
door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last
bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, ! it's in our files!" says the man from the
electric company.
"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That
night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad
as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first
thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file
that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the
husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious.
All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut
yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"! I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

-- posted by Karin_

Top 1950. Feb 21, 2005 1:08 PM

» SteveT - Little old ladies

Two little old ladies are at a very long church service.

After a while one says to the other: "You know, I think my butt is asleep."

Her friend responds:

"Yes, I know. I have heard it snore three times now !"

-- posted by SteveT