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» honeyoneohone - Why Parents Get Gray Hair
.Subject: Why Parents Get Gray Hair
The Boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper,
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?", he asked.
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked the child , "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", whispered the tiny voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Now really alarmed, concerned, and more than a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied in a muffled giggle:
"ME"
-- posted by honeyoneohone
» SteveT - THE JUGGLER
Pennsylvania State Trooper pulled a car over on I-81 about 2 miles north of the Pa/Md state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Harrisburg to do a show that night at the ShrineCircus and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some
flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them
and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."
-- posted by SteveT
» be6 - Re: THE JUGGLER
In response to THE JUGGLER posted by SteveT:Thx SteveT, U reminded me of a couple of funny dui test videos.
-- posted by be6
» SteveT - Girls night out
Two women, who had been friends for years, decide to go for a Girls Night Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business
behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to dry herself with so she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers. She was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. So she dried herself with the ribbon.
The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "This girl's night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came home
last night without her panties."
"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that said, " FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION, WE'LL NEVER
FORGET YOU."
-- posted by SteveT
» SteveT - Howard
A Kansas Farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.A young boy about 12 opened the door. "Is yer Dad home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is yer Mom here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"He went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that", he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges
$50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."
-- posted by SteveT
» SteveT - Returning a Favor
A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 o'clock in the morning. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push."Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams `the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
Just some drunken guy asking for a push, he answers.
"Did you help him?" She asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning, and it is pouring out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember? About three months ago when we broke down and those two people helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" Comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
-- posted by SteveT
» Karin_ - At the Barbershop
At the BarbershopA little girl goes to the barber shop with her father she stands next to the barber chair,
while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her,
"Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie."
She says,
"Yes, I know, and I'm going to get boobs too."
-- posted by Karin_
» SteveT - First time
I recall my first time with a woman, I was 16 or so.I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it . She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said, it was time to slip the on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk. "Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that on?"
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her. 
-- posted by SteveT
-- posted by be6
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