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» SteveT - One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Please come
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says, "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.
Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box
-- posted by SteveT
» Karin_ - Dead Frog Test.
Dead Frog Test...Out of the mouths of babes........
A kindergarten teacher had a pupil tell her he had
found a frog.
She inquired as to whether it was alive or dead.
"Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?" she
asked.
"Because I pissed in his ear," said the child,
innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" squealed the teacher in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over
and went 'Pssst' and he didn't move.
-- posted by Karin_
» Karin_ - Abundance
AbundanceAn American, traveling on a train in Europe, met a Cuban tobacco grower, a
Russian vodka distiller and a lawyer. While they were talking business, the
Cuban took out four cigars and passed them around. After lighting his own
cigar, the Cuban took one drag and then threw it out the window, explaining
that cigars were of no consequence in his country since there was such an
abundance of them.
After dinner, the Russian passed out bottles of vodka. After taking just one
swig, he threw the bottle out the window, explaining that vodka was of no
consequence since, in Russia, it was so plentiful.
The American businessman sat in quiet contemplation for several minutes then
arose and threw the lawyer out the window.
-- posted by Karin_
» Karin_ - A busload of politicians
A busload of politiciansA busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a
sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's
field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He
then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the
local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where
all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know
how them politicians lie."
-- posted by Karin_
» Kirk - sex without love
sex without love is meaningless. but as meaningless experiences go its ranks way up there!---Gary Condit
http://messages.yahoo.com/bbs?.mm=FN&act...
-- posted by Kirk
» Karin_ - An American, a Scot and a Canadian
An American, a Scot and a Canadianwere in a terrible car accident.
They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all
three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were
about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and
opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses
present asked him what happened.
"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then
there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the
Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.
Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to
die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return
to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him
the $50, and the next thing I knew was back here."
"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what
happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was
haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for
the government to pay his."
-- posted by Karin_
» Karin_ - Asking for Trouble.
Asking for Trouble...Ted and his wife were working in their garden one
day when Ted looks over at his wife and says: "Your
butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I
bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape
and measure the grill and then went over to where his
wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider
than the barbecue!!!!"
The wife chooses to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little
frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who
completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up
this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
-- posted by Karin_
» Karin_ - Stingy
StingyA stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness
was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally
figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he
died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough
money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags
of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan:
When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way
to Heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the
attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with
cash. "Oh, that old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had
me put the money in the basement."
-- posted by Karin_
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