Perfect Parents, Perfect Kids?
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- soli
- mykidzmom
- Laraliz
- HeikeB
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» soli - good reminders jeri
Oh Jeri, How about wondering if your child is demon possessed. LOL I'm not kidding. There were days when I wondered if my little boy was destined to be a mass murderer-- he was so selfish and downright mean at times.And I was such a stupid parent. I wish I had those first few years to do over. I was a complete perfectionist-- not for myself but demanding perfection from my kids.
It seemed to me that every Sunday at Church it was my little ball of fire, inquisitive son that started banging the piano keys or annoying some woman who had already done her time with little ones and turned out perfectly polite teenagers. she could never remember her children acting that way, don't you know. Or the other women with the reprobate son who wanted to warn me to beat my son while there was still hope.
The women at church seemed to not be able to understand why my 18 month old didn't ask, "How high," when I told him to jump. Or worse, they thought they understood and it always boiled down to my not disciplining him enough. Yuck.
Looking back on it those women weren't all that bad-- it was my insecurity and need to be the perfect parent that caused me to be overly sensitive to every comment. If I had it to do over I think I would make a constant effort to smile at my son in public constantly and tell him over and over how happy he makes me. He acts so much better that way. Kind of like I act better when I remember that God loves me and I act worse when I forget that.
Anyway for all of you with little ones, love them up. Discipline for sure but never in anger. And have hope. The one I thought must be demon possessed is a very polite and helpful little boy of seven now. A hard worker and sensitive and kind. Now from what I hear I have a few years to enjoy him before things really get ugly. I'm not going to believe it, though. I'm going to have the first really nice teenagers around.
Sally, Reformed Women, Suite101.com
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-- posted by soli
» mykidzmom - thank you!
Sally, thanks so much for your post! It was very encouraging to me. :-) Thank you for your honesty in sharing about your experience with your little boy. I bet the two of your will have a wonderful relationship when he is a teenager. God's grace is sufficient. :D-- posted by mykidzmom
» Laraliz - Thanks, Jeri, for another GREAT article!
I love this article -- I'm sending a link to it to my friend in South Carolina who is also a new mommy.I have already caught myself wondering, "what is WRONG with my little child?" I was even worried that she might (at 8 months old) have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (I'm NUTS, I know!) -- just because she is so intent on pinching me and pulling my hair, my husband's hair and her own -- she loves to do this for some reason. And she launches these uncontrollable temper tantrums if we take something out of her hand like a piece of paper she wants to chew on -- I was actually worried that she might be developing a "mean streak" or that she might be selfish.
It's comforting to know that other parents have the same concerns and the same doubts of their own parenting methods.
I'm reading John Gray's book, Children are From Heaven. It has some wonderful insights for raising healthy children -- I am really enjoying the read. One of the main points of the book explains that we should always let our children know that we are not perfect -- like you said, Mommies and Daddies make mistakes, too. That is what will endear our children to us and make them feel comfortable sharing their own challenges in life.
Although I had two very kind and good parents, they were not "hip" to this point of view and would rather have my sister and myself believe that they WERE perfect -- which really only served to alienate us from them as we became teenagers and young adults.
I hope that does not happen in our family!
Thanks again for a GREAT article!
xo
-- posted by Laraliz
» HeikeB - YEP!
"Some parents, guessing that they are alone in their struggles or too embarrassed to admit it, hide them and promote the fallacy that there really is the perfect parent and the perfect children. ""Great point, Jeri!
It is hard to admit that you are less than perfect, especially since everyone else seems to be. Another thing is that people find it appropriat to openly criticize you for your opinions and beliefs.
I believe if you learn from your mistakes, and leave yourself open for new inspirations, growth and knowledge will come.
Being a parent is the hardest, most valuable responsibility in the world. You all of a sudden are responsible for YOURSELF (which we tend to forget) and another human, that is so much like you, but still different!
I am learning as we grow, there are things I will do differently (better?) when I have another child. Then again, this will be a totally new, individual character, so I may have to go through a whole new phase of learning.
There is no cookie-cutter for being a parent. We all have to do what we feel is best, and support each other 
.
-- posted by HeikeB
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