Training Bras

» Tricia_S - Growing up

Regina,

You're a riot! I'm sorry that your growing up years were so awful. Come to think of it so were mine, but it wasn't because of a training bra. It was because kids are quite simply MEAN to other kids.

My ten year old daughter loves her half-undershirts. No one prodded her, she asked for them and since I bought them at Walmart, they are cheap enough that if she doesn't like them, she can throw them away. She gets teased at school sometimes because she likes to wear skirts, not the other way around. But she decides each morning what to wear - I'm not a dictator.

As to talking too loud in public, I couldn't tell you how many times I've told my boy and my girl, "You're talking too loud." It's not to curb their enthusiasm but to be courteous to those around us. My kids know (because I tell them) that not everything is about them. And they try to be thoughtful to others.

As to the MEAN kids, I tell my kids to stay away from them and do their best to be nice. So far it's working.

I really enjoyed your article, but hardly agree with any of it.

I hope I didn't offend you with any of my comments.

'tricia

-- posted by Tricia_S

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» pentimento - Re: Growing up

In response to message posted by Tricia_S:

Tricia,

No offense taken.

I agree that kids are often plain and simple mean to each other. But I also know that often that meaness tends to pour out along gendered lines. Boys get tormented with names like "girl" "sissy" or "faggot" (all denoting that the boy is somehow not ok because he is somehow like a girl). Interestingly enough, this has been offered as an explanation for several of the latest boys with guns blowing up everything they can hit scenarios.

And I know it still happens in schools because I used to work with adolescents and they brought interaction styles with them when they got to my programs. I also have done workshops with teachers who note that they don't even bother with stopping the ubiquitous "bitch" and "ho" and "puta" and you name it put downs towards women. Phrases like "he is so gay" don't even set most teachers alarms off either. The reason is that putting down women and girls and men who "seem" somehow like women or girls is socially acceptable.

The fact that this is so has an impact -- albeit subtle -- on one's self esteem.

In the mean time, good for you for letting your kids be who they are.

regina

-- posted by pentimento

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» kkieley - Re: Re: Growing up

In response to message posted by pentimento:

I have to agree with Regina here. I remember having this dirty feeling associated with the onset of puberty, marked by training bras, discussions about "becoming a woman" and related issues such as feminine hygine, and especially the arrival of my period. i remember all of these events as particularly confusing/traumatic for me.

As a child and adolescent, I felt more confident before I came to be regarded as a "girl," which when I think about it now, I realise meant I was being regarded in sexual terms - and feeling as though I was always under some kind of microscope. I really remember having to renegotiate my sense of self and feeling very insecure (and I was one of the lucky, more "popular" ones....)

Thanks for your article. I have found all of your essays very interesting.

-- posted by kkieley

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