One Man's Perspective on Living with Fibromyalgia

Top 2. Mar 27, 1999 9:52 PM

» Starstuff - In attempting to understand this disorder, I have travelled via

In attempting to understand this disorder, I have travelled via the Internet to many places. I have read the recommended books, pamphlets and newletters. I have joined in on discussions and chats in order to gain more information. I have even managed to annoy my doctor to the point of rudeness in order to get a better understanding of Fibromyalgia. But there was one thing I did not notice and that was that in the course of my travels I too became blinded to the fact that men to get FM. Possibly because of the statistics given on most web sites - that the women with this disorder outweigh the men by 4 to 1 - one begins to think of FM as a women's disorder. After reading this article I thought back to the chats and web sites I have been to and realized that most of them have become gender specific and any reference of how men cope with this disorder is little to none. It seems that even in our relatively small world of FM'ers we have managed to be chauvanistic. Thank you for the wake up call.

-- posted by Starstuff

Top 3. Apr 6, 1999 11:32 PM

» Tyson - Men & FM

Yes we tend to forget man have this illness,I am very impressed and pleased to see a man be so open on all matters.I know two men at out support group and I know they find it hard to really let us know how they really feel.In having FM we are all struggling female or male

-- posted by Tyson

Top 4. Apr 7, 1999 1:24 AM

» ______MarcellaGM - A mans perspective

Excellent article and a welcome perspective on from the opposite sex on this often debilitating syndrome. I am looking forward to visiting his site. I haven't seen too many men on the FM sites I have visited.

Hearing from a man further validates my own illness, for these reasons. I don't suffer from some mysterious 'womans' problem. Sorry if that sounds bitter but I can't help it. I always think of those turn of the century women who doctors diagnosed as Hysterics, I shudder to think of what this ailment might have been, perhaps FM? Or, the tendancy to blame our problems on our reproductive organs or on natural hormone changes, such as menopause.

It is also true, unfortunately, that most medical research is male oriented. I found this out when my husband got prostate cancer. His doctor told both of us that the amount of money spent on Prostate cancer far out weighed the amount spent on Breast cancer. Perhaps with men and woman both addressing FM more money will be spent on pin-pointing the causes and maybe finding better ways of relieving its symptoms.

-- posted by ______MarcellaGM

Top 5. Apr 7, 1999 1:07 PM

» Pattie - A Man's Perspective

Jim Roache's article was excellent. My heart goes out to him. This is a most Courageous Man, who just happens to have the misfortune of having FMS.

I am outraged at Jim's ex's statement "You are no longer the man I married". This emotional abuse is evidence that ex- never made the commitment to Love, Honor, and Cherish...in sickness and in health... It is difficult enough to cope with this disease, and the lack of understanding and support seems indicative of the ex's lack of strength and courage. She sounds pretty egotistical in my view.

Jim shows the strength and courage to rise above circumstances and to reach out to others. Jim's article and web page are proof of this.

I guess what is needed to bring attention to FMS is a Male Celebrity to contract this illness. Then the general population would be aware through publicity. Social Security Administration would have to pay attention, and research monies would "pop out of the woodwork".

Of course I don't wish this delibitating disease on anybody. We have a long road to travel, and need good walking shoes.

Jim, I want to thank you for your part in the fight to give validity to FMS.

Sincerely, Patti, a female who has FMS

-- posted by Pattie

Top 6. Apr 7, 1999 2:45 PM

» Dan_Ellsworth - Playing with Patti's Possibilities

Let's put two things together from the previous note and see where they lead:

"I guess what is needed to bring attention to FMS is a Male Celebrity to contract this illness. Then the general population would be aware through publicity. Social Security Administration would have to pay attention, andresearch monies would "pop out of the woodwork". [Next paragraph.] Of course I don't wish this delibitating disease on anybody.

This indicates that what we need is for a male with this illness to become a celebrity.

Unfortunately, like Will Rogers' proposal to heat the oceans to boiling to force the German U-boats to surface, I don't know how to carry out this general policy.

By the way, the article *was* excellent. I was very moved, by both the tragedy and the response.

-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth

Top 7. Apr 8, 1999 12:00 AM

» ______MarcellaGM - Heating the ocean up to boiling

Dan,

Good to hear one more male perspective.

-- posted by ______MarcellaGM

Top 8. May 9, 1999 5:07 PM

» locopc - It is all about money

I too had been diagnosted with having F.M
that was 3 years ago, after complaining of
stifness, general muscles pain and begun to
have problems with balance (weak knees)

At first the employer was kind of tolerant
then absenteeism became the issue, and now the want to associate it with performance

Are this people ignorant?
I can't perform (as once did)
so this raises yet another issue
Am I as productive as they would like me to be?
No - so what we do?

Stress him out, make his work environment as bad as possible, deprive him of dignity, strip him
of respect, self esteem, in other words
endoctrinate him, then when we ask him to jump
he will say how high?

Well that didn't work with me and I have been fighting my battle, last assessment they sent me to, the treating specialist (their own) issued a document stating that I had an old nerve root
injury that could have accounted for the pains and "disconfort" that I complained of... and eagerly wanted to close the case

They have forgotten I have tons of documents
and a few good friends, they have forgotten
I will not give up

So one day they might just call me to the office
and offer me an early retirement package
only after they weighted their loses against their gains... it is all about money

No employer cares enough about any employee
you lack off and you are on your way out
... Doctors issuing bias reports, sure it happens
Those wannabe doctors should get syndrome

Hurray for networks and support groups
we need to stick together and fight
- I am ready @xxx{:::::::::::::> are you?

-- posted by locopc

Top 9. Dec 18, 2002 1:10 PM

» Understand2002 - My husband has Fibro

I didn't marry him just for better. I'm with him all the way through our life. He needs me and I, most of all, need him. He, with his Fibro which is very severe, is a very loving husband. For me to leave him just because he is sick permanently would be selfish. I always thank God for keeping me healthier so I can help him when he needs it. What if the shoe were on the other foot? I would be devastated if he left for that reason. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I am constantly trying to find out all I can about Fibro.

-- posted by Understand2002

Top 10. Apr 25, 2003 4:59 PM

» Carol Wallace - Re: My husband has Fibro

In response to message posted by Understand2002:
Thank you for this. I think all of us who have well spouses fell some guilt because we are no longer the person they married, and because we can't give them everything that we once could, or keep up the homes, or the jobs we once did. People with mates like you are fortunate, indeed.

-- posted by Carol Wallace