Accepting the Unacceptable
Read the article this discussion is about
- tamara_peters
- Carol Wallace
- tamara_peters
- Carol Wallace
- tamara_peters
- annej
- energynow
- Carol Wallace
- tamara_peters
- tamara_peters
This archived discussion is "read only".
For the corresponding "live" discussions, post in the active topic forum here.
« Previous 1 2 Next »
» tamara_peters - Re: Re: Re: Re: acceptance
In response to message posted by CarolWallace:I'm sure the idea of disability is scary to many of us. Not being able to work is one of my greatest fears. It is just a label though, like any other label, and what matters is that you are still the same person inside. I think it is all a matter of perception based on our own personal experiences and knowledge.
Jean, that still happens to me all the time as well. One minute I'm holding something in my hand, and the next minute I'm not. I sure can make quite a mess at work..lol.. The other day I managed to spill two cups of coffee on me as I couldn't seem to hang on to the cup. Yes, it is a part of fibro, and you will find that you are not alone with that problem here.
I've found that positivity comes more easily to some than others. I am one who struggles with it as well. Sometimes I fail miserably, but I just keep on plugging away at it. It does help to have Carol keep reminding us to do that though. 
Another thing that does help me is that I subscribe to positivepress.com. Being positive is something that I constantly have to work at.
I understand that you are worried about the perception of others as I often put too much credence on that as well. I think if we can learn to laugh at ourselves more often that may actually help to change other's perceptions.
I also didn't tell many people about it for a long time. When I finally did it was a huge relief as I had felt I was carrying around a shameful secret. Be aware that not everyone will be receptive though. When you begin to tell others you may find that not everyone wants to hear about it, or will even believe you. You will quickly find out who you can relate to. But, please don't let this possibility stop you.
Once you have discovered who is receptive, and who isn't, you will begin to build your own personal support group. This is so important. And of course you always have us.
-- posted by tamara_peters
» Carol Wallace - Re: missing mind, but providing chuckles to husband
In response to message posted by energynow:Most of us have "dropsyness" - although mine comes and goes. Sometimes the connective tissues in one arm or another get weak and I can't depenbd on it. I finally bought some lightwesight wrist braces that seem to help when that happens.
The important thing is that YOU know you're not stupid - and so do those who know you best and that you care about. I know what you're saying, and felt the same at first - as if I had lost my brain power and not just some short term memory. Thank heavens my husband understood what was happening and was always quick to remind me of all the brains I still use well.
The important thing is to keep trying to take that positive approach. It wasn't always easy for me, either. In fact there was a time when I was close to suicidal. But one day I looked at the different points in my life that at the time had all seemed to be tragic - and instead I realuized that they were just turning points that led me in a different direction - and each of those directions was a good one. After that I got more into the habit of assuming that no matter how bad today felt it might only be turning me toward something better. By now it has become a habit. (And one habit for which I am eternally grateful!)
But another thing for which I am really grateful is that you're learning that a label is just that - and that "being on disability" actually just means someone sends you money because you can't go to work - but you can still do lots of other stuff instead.
You said it perfectly, Tamara - that we are still the same people no matter what labels are on us. Essentially, nothing about who we are has changed.
-- posted by Carol Wallace
» tamara_peters - Re: Re: missing mind, but providing chuckles to husband
In response to message posted by CarolWallace:Carol, I was also at that point when I found the Fibro Friends. That is why I say that it literally saved my life. For which I am eternally grateful.
Yup, you just never know what is going to be around that next corner - I am actually kind of curious now as to where it all might lead.
-- posted by tamara_peters
» Carol Wallace - Re: Re: Re: missing mind, but providing chuckles to husband
In response to message posted by tamara_peters:I think you are already taking positive turns. Look at you - now manager of the Health section here. Who'd have thought, when you were just reading posts in some other topic that you'd be an editor, help teach a fibro course, then become a manager here gathering all kinds of wonderful resources to help others!
-- posted by Carol Wallace
» tamara_peters - Re: Re: Re: Re: missing mind, but providing chuckles to husband
In response to message posted by CarolWallace:Well, I guess we are living proof that not everything that happens because of fibro is negative. Your right! "lightbulb moment" ;-) I had always thought of your experience with leaving work, then being able to do what you've always really wanted to do, but never stopped to think that I am also doing what I've always wanted to do. Not writing necessarily, but helping people. Funny, I was going to work on the fibro-project today, then saw the addiction's event and felt compelled to write a piece for it. Just goes to show ya that you just never know what might be around that next corner huh? LOL
-- posted by tamara_peters
» annej - over focusing on how I feel at the moment
In response to message posted by CarolWallace:I find I tend to feel optomistic when I am feeling pretty well. I get seduced into thinking I'm better - or more I forget the bad. Then when I am feeling bad I feel like it will be forever, the total pessimist.
I've had to really work with this, to make myself stop and think that the way I feel at the moment isn't forever.
Does that make sense?
Anne J
-- posted by annej
» energynow - focusing on how I feel at the moment
In response to message posted by annej:Hi, I live in E. Tennessee, median age. Yes, it makes sense. We can encourage ourselves by saying yes, it won't be forever. I'm not feeling real well today. But I've had a couple of fairly good weeks. I struggle with the pessimism. It's hard to be optimistic when you hurt all over. I just try to remember how much God loves me unconditionally. And I think this group comes pretty close to that also.
Take care.
E. TN Southern Belle
-- posted by energynow
» Carol Wallace - Re: focusing on how I feel at the moment
In response to message posted by energynow:Pretending it will go away isn't really a good thing, because it means you haven't really accepted your condition yet. It probably won't go away and we need to accept that and learn to work within its confines. What WILL go away are specific bad times, so that we know there will be other times when we can function almost like normal. Just as there are things we do now that are like normal used to be and which the fibro doesn't interfere with. Pretending it will go away may be why you have trouble learning to pace yourself and so push yourself into flares.
Anne is saying that when she's in a flare or feeling down she concentrated on knowing that the bad time will pass - not the fibro. We really need to make that clear in our heads or we'll be in denial forever. Tough speaking, I know - but it's important.
-- posted by Carol Wallace
» tamara_peters - Hi Anne! :)
In response to message posted by annej:Hi Anne! Good to see you. I swear your name sounds familiar, but I am sorry I can't seem to place it right now. Did you used to post on the old fibro site, or Cheekys? Argh! Darn fog! :O
That is exactly what I go through as well. It sure is easier to accept on good days than when we are feeling bad. Yup, it makes perfect sense.
I also struggle with acceptance, but find that I am getting much better at it. Well, at the moment any way. LOL It sure is difficult to stop and think, in the midsts of a flare, that this will not last forever, but that is exactly what we must do. Thanks for sharing that reminder. Hope you come back soon. Hugs,
Tamara
-- posted by tamara_peters
» tamara_peters - Ah Ha!
Now I remember. LOL Geez Anne, it has been a long time. How have you been? I remember now that you were a part of the group when we moved to Karyn's Lupus topic, and were in the process of planning the Fibro Course, and on Dar's as well I think. Are you still traveling around in your motorhome? I'm so glad you found us again, and hope you will catch us all up on what you have been up to.Hugs,
Tamara
aka Tootas in case you don't recognize my real name. ;-)
-- posted by tamara_peters
« Previous 1 2 Next »
Please follow the guidelines set forth in the Suite101 Posting Etiquette when adding to the discussion.